Over the mountains and through the woods to grandmothers house I go

Every weekend I go home to visit my grandmother. And even though my weekly visits consist of my grandmother’s to-do list; I look forward to seeing her each week. I wasn’t able to go home this weekend because I had to play the role of PT student (I always play the role but this weekend I attempted to be a good PT student) and fulfill research responsibilities and study for an exam. Not only did I not see her this weekend but I didn’t talk to her once yesterday. This almost never happens. I tried calling her this morning after my epic fail on my exam (I obviously wasn’t successful at being a PT student this weekend) and I got her voicemail for the third consecutive time in 2 days. Part of me was scared that something was wrong but most of me just missed talking to my grandma. Well, listening to her because I usually can’t get a word in! When she finally called me back an hour later, still half asleep from her midmorning nap, the extent of my homesickness set in. And it was made worse by the fact that she made a coconut cream pie yesterday.  After talking to her for awhile, I told her that I was going to come see her this week because I missed her. In typical fashion, she said: “miss me; you were just here last week!”

My grandma was right, I was just there but that didn’t make me any less homesick.  I wasn’t homesick for the comforts that a house brings because I have a cozy nook myself; I was homesick for what my home represents. For the excitement in my grandma’s face when I walk in, for our priceless conversations, for our late night Lifetime movies, and even for the smell of Misty lights and Liz Claiborne perfume. To me, my grandma’s house, my home, represents security, love, support, and happiness. Even when I am not at “home” I am still surrounded and reminded of these blessings everyday but that doesn’t stop me from occasionally missing my spot on Meadow Ave. How many times, in your life have you also experienced the physical comforts of your own house but felt heartsick for home? Maybe when you lie in bed at night you don’t feel at home at all but instead feel profoundly lost. To others you may have the perfect family, a dream job, and stunning features but inside you feel completely empty and lost. Despite everything you do, you still can’t find peace in your “home” on Earth. Whenever your heart longs for security, peace, rest, and happiness remember that God had promised to bring you safely home one day. We weren’t created to be satisfied and completely fulfilled while on Earth because this Earth isn’t our home at all. We may never experience what it is like to find true comfort while in an earthly sense but perhaps that’s what God intended so we will always be homesick for His kingdom.  When I feel lost, defeated, and isolated I don’t find myself throwing in the towel; I find myself homesick for Heaven. For the room that has been prepared for me and for the rewards that await me.  As long as we live for Him, the emptiness and solitude that we experience while on Earth can be lessened by His comfort and be endured by His promise to one day share His home with us.  I will endure my time on this Earth and when I miss my grandma’s laugh and homemade pies I will make the journey to her home and when I feel lost and alone I will continue on my journey towards my Father’s home.

Verse to remember:  John 14:2-3 2 In my Father’s house there are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

Survival tip:how to maintain a fire

One of my faithful readers who happens to be one of my very favorite friends brought to my attention this weekend that she had been present for some of my day to day adventures  and heard firsthand the laughs and misfortunes that fill my days but I have never included her in one of my posts. Before I continue, it is important (and necessary if I want to remain friends) to state that she was 100% joking when she made the comment. In fact, she made it clear that if I addressed her by name she would pause our friendship for an entire hour! I am not scared of the friendship pause because I get that threat all the time…it’s the fact that she does Insanity and has 9 gym memberships that will keep her nameless.

I couldn’t single out my favorite (or most embarrassing) moments to share with you because the list goes on forever but I can tell you that every experience with my friend makes me laugh, cry, and appreciate life so much more.  Recently, after enjoying a fun-filled dinner, we decided that it was a perfect night for a bonfire. Her dad has an awesome fire pit and he was out of town so it was the perfect opportunity to play with his toys without worrying about the consequences. (yes, we asked him first) As I (key word I) was arranging the wood and paper properly, to start the fire she said, “my dad has lighter fluid to help start the fire.” After my firewood was strategically placed (thank you girl scouts), I began lighting the wads of paper also strategically placed within my wood.  As soon as there was fire, my sidekick handed me the lighter fluid. I poured a small amount onto the wood and when it came out dark, I knew we were in trouble. Almost as soon as the words, “this isn’t lighter fluid” came out of my mouth I smelled burning car engine. I took the bottle I was holding away from the fire and held the lighter up to it: it was motor oil. Laughing, I said who keeps motor oil at a fire pit? The good news is, we didn’t need lighter fluid to start the fire but the bad news is for the rest of the evening we had to smell burning oil. Earlier in the week, we (my nameless friend and I) were sitting at a hospital trying to keep laughter in the mist as we awaited the recovery of someone we both love and care about greatly. Somewhere in our laughter, she reminded me of her extreme fear of doctors.  It’s true; she has your typical white coat phobia and her vital signs increase as soon as she becomes a patient. We reminisced about her past encounters with doctors and made jokes about some of her misfortunes.

As I was preparing a way to publically address my beloved friend, these specific stories came to my mind out of the millions I had to choose from. After church this morning, I instantly knew why.  You may not have a fear of white coats and you certainly may not confuse lighter fluid with motor oil but you most definitely need to have a spiritual check-up in order to examine your heart and keep your fire burning.  It is easy for us to believe in Christ and to go through the motions of being Christians but when was the last time you truly examined your heart? Unlike an annual physical, we require a spiritual check-up frequently. Our hearts reflect our spirit and in order for our spirit to be Christ like, we must cleanse our hearts before God often. We must ask ourselves what is the thorn in our flesh and then be honest with God so our fire never burns out.  We must confess our sins and allow Him to give us all that flows from His throne in order to be restored. It isn’t always an easy process but a necessary process in order to remain spiritually healthy.  When you feel your heart tell you it needs a spiritual examination or when you feel that your fire is getting puny; don’t search for lighter fluid or fear the doctor. Instead listen to your heart and be confident in your exam skills…The only one who knows your heart better is exactly the one you are turning to.  When you walk out of the treatment room; you won’t try to avoid scheduling another appointment but instead embrace the next encounter with the great physician.

Verse to remember:  Romans 12:11-12 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

One piece at a time

Today I was at the hospital waiting on the elevator. I was half paying attention to the conversation I was part of and half paying attention to the Seeing Eye dog feet away from me.  I was debating whether or not it was appropriate to ask the owner to pet her dog (she was such a sweet and beautiful dog) when she said to her companion come on, the last elevator is going up. As she said this, I thought WOW a lady with a visual impairment knew which elevator was going up. Still half shocked, I entered the elevator and as I was holding the door to make their entrance onto the elevator easier she again gave a command to her dog. She prompted him to wait at the door to the elevator and then gave him permission to enter.  At this point, I am convinced I am being recorded and this entire moment is a joke. How else would this lady(who was walking with a dog wearing a vest that stated: my owner has a visual impairment) be able to see a light indicating which elevator to get on and the entrance to the elevator? Once on the elevator, I begin talking to this woman and to her dog waiting for the camera crew to come out and reveal the surprise. And then she said what was probably obvious to everyone else around me…”Sorry she (her dog) gets scared on an elevator, we are trying to get her ready for a permanent placement.”  I wasn’t being punked and this lady clearly wasn’t blind: my brain was just being my brain, leaving me puzzled at a situation and laughing at the outcome.

My brain plays tricks on me all the time; I like to blame it on too much caffeine and too much studying. (I’m clearly still in denial that my brain was playing tricks on me long before my coffee addiction got out of control and before I started PT school)Ok, my brain and my heart become puzzled more than I like to admit but I don’t just get confused when a situation doesn’t make sense or when I make up words that don’t exist. When I think about my life and try to answer questions about the future, or wonder how am I possibly going to be able to do that; my brain is like an empty filing cabinet containing only a few blank sheets of paper. I don’t possess enough strength or knowledge to answer the unknown questions of my life but I do possess the faith to trust the one who does. When my brain resembles an empty filing cabinet, the few blank sheets of paper represent the minimal tools God has given me to sustain myself as He fills up all the empty space with His understanding and his mastery. And as He turns each “puzzling” moment in my life into something I can comprehend and endure, He stores it in my filing cabinet so I never have to have to be left searching for the answer again.  

Our lives represent one giant puzzle and to us we just see thousand of jagged disfigured pieces that couldn’t possibly yield a beautiful work of art. But to God, our lives make perfect sense and He is the only one who can strategically fit the pieces together. We can’t look at our lives and expect to see the finished product when God has only begun to assemble the pieces. And when we think He is assembling an elephant that turns out to be a submarine, we need to trust Him because He is the one with the blueprint; we just have a bag of pieces.  Any good puzzle builder knows that you begin a puzzle by putting the frame together first. Our frame is comparable to our filing cabinet. As God begins to build upon the frame, filling in the pieces, store the mastery of His perfection in your heart and mind. When all you see is empty space, be patient and know that God has already given you the pieces you need as you wait for your puzzle to be completed.  My brain may always be trying to fit a square peg in a round hole but the puzzle pieces of my life will always fit together because I have given control to the one who laughs as I pronounce epitome 3 different ways before finally grasping the true context of the word.

Verse to remember:  1 Corinthians 3:10-11 10 By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. 11 For no one can lay any other foundation other than the one already laid which is Jesus Christ.

Improving depth perception

My closest friends and most of my family know that I drive too fast. And for the record, I know that I drive too fast as well. I have tried to set my cruise control when I am on the interstate but my foot always finds its way back to the gas pedal. After I pass other cars, I never return to the speed limit I set for myself. As a result of my somewhat fast driving, I often underestimate the times it takes me to get from one place to another. I was reminded of this yesterday when I was driving on the interstate (going a tad over the speed limit) and I saw a sign for roadwork ahead. I continued driving at the same speed because although there was a sign to slow down, there was no road work. I passed 3 signs for roadwork (I should say warning signs to slow down) before I actually came to the road work which was accompanied by a WV state trooper. No! I didn’t get pulled over, my Honda has excellent brakes and I have excellent favor from God, but there were state troopers all over the medians waiting to deliver that infamous yellow ticket to drivers failing to obey the 55mph speed limit. I was forced to slow down which added extra travel time to my journey, allowing me just enough time to get to my destination.

I don’t always encounter road work when I am traveling but I do encounter those who drive slower than I do on most occasions. (Most like to say they obey the speed limit; I like to say drive too slow) I may be a fast driver but at times I am slow to grasp the depth of God’s greatness. I have been guilty of seeing a trial, a sickness, an unsaved loved one or a broken heart and before seeing God’s greatness, I saw the problem. Today, as I was trying to grasp how truly awesome our God is, I wasn’t drawn to all of the miracles he has performed in my life, I wasn’t drawn to all of the trials he has lead me through, and I wasn’t drawn to all of the blessings he has given me. I was drawn to one thing: my life. I saw an unworthy scumbag covered with sin and shame and as tears filled my eyes, I saw the depth of God’s greatness.  His greatness is the only reason I am alive. His greatness forgives me, loves me, restores, me, and gives me grace and mercy when I don’t deserve any of it. His greatness is available to all of us. He loves me, loves you, not because of who we are but in spite of who we are.  

When you are faced with a grim situation and don’t think it’s possible for God’s greatness to be enough, don’t look at the problem but instead examine your life.  Pick the most unworthy moment of your life and close your eyes. Envision the pain, the sin, and the shame of that moment and know that as Christ withstood the cross; it was our sin that held him there. The depth of that love and of that greatness is beyond measure. 

In order for me to slow down while I am driving, I may require a few speeding tickets to grasp the consequences involved.  When I am slow to grasp the depths of God’s greatness, I don’t need a miracle to serve as my reminder because this unworthy servant is reminded every day that the reason I am alive is simply because of God’s greatness.

Verse to remember:  Psalm 145:3 Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.

Put me in coach

If I had a bucket list, one item on it would be to stand on the sidelines at Milan Puskar Stadium inches away from the tunnel as the Mountaineers took the field. Another item on my list would be to meet former legendary Mountaineer football players. And if I could have any job for a year (or a lifetime), I would be an ESPN football commentator. I’m not going to be taking over a spot on college game day but today I did stand on the sidelines at Mountaineer field and I did shake hands with former WVU football players that went on to play in the NFL. From the moment the Pride of West Virginia took the field until Country Roads filled the stadium solidifying victory, I stood there and captured every moment of today’s game.  I was close enough to the players that I was able listen to team huddles, I was close enough to the end zone that I didn’t have to wait for instant replay to see if the referee made the correct call, and I was close enough to the sideline that one a few occasions I had to jump out of the way of a 6’2 linebacker running full speed out of bounds. At the end of the game, I even shook hands with the head coach and stood right beside him as he delivered his post game speech to the radio. The last words I heard as I left the stadium, were the famous words of WVU’s radio announcer: “it’s a great day to be a mountaineer, wherever you may be.” For this mountaineer, today was the greatest day imaginable.

I have been to over 50 WVU games in my life and each game has a different memory that makes it unique and unforgettable but before today, I was never in the heart of the game.  Every game I attend from this point on, will fail to compare to today simply because I will be watching from the stands opposed to the sidelines.  Today it was a privilege to be on the sidelines but when it comes to my relationship with Christ, I never want to be on the sidelines. I never want to be watching God from a distance and I certainly never want to be a benchwarmer for God’s kingdom. I want to be among the greatest players to ever be a part of God’s team. I want God to be so evident in me that I have more radiance coming from me than a kicker who just scored the game winning field goal. Where do you see yourself on God’s team? Are you a leader for Christ? Do you put in the dedication, obedience, and strength required to be part of a winning team?  Or are your contributions to God’s team minimal. I may not be a star quarter back in life and I am definitely not an athlete but my coach is God. And when He tells me to get in the game and give it my all, I do. I am a member of the greatest team ever made and I must listen to my coach everyday so others will be drawn to my team. I can’t recruit players if I sit on the sideline and neglect my team responsibilities and I certainly can’t lead people to the kingdom of God if I lack in my own dedication and obedience.  Once, I was content being part of the losing team because I had never tasted true victory but then I asked Christ into my heart and started playing for the winning team.  Is God the quarterback of your heart? If he is, are you satisfied watching him work from the sidelines or do you want to be the best player on his team?

When I come off the field exhausted, battered, bandaged and bruised; I will shake hands with my coach and the last thing I will hear is Him say, “Well done my good and faithful servant.” And the rewards for all of my hard work will be before me.  

Verse to remember:  James 2: 26 As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

My story has a happy ending

Tonight was one of the best nights of my entire life. I attended the Tenth Avenue North’s, “When the Light Meets the Dark” tour and was blown away by the music and the worship.  Along with Tenth Avenue North were Matt Maher and Addison Road. Now would be the appropriate time to tell you that Addison Road is my second favorite band ever (Dave Matthews still holds first place) and I have been looking forward to finally seeing them in concert for months. The lyrics of their songs are like arrows straight to my heart and each time I hear them, I fall more and more in love with this band! Tonight as they took the stage and began singing, I began to fall in love with the lyrics, rhythm, and energy in each note played and each word sang. It took approximately 3 seconds for me to stop falling in love with the music and to fall more in love with my God. As I listened to the music and the testimonies of these bands the words were faint because the voice of God was all I could hear. Throughout the entire concert, as I entered into the presence of God and into the spirit of worship I kept hearing from God. Right now, I wish I could be plugged into a machine that hooks wires to my brain and translates everything inside of it into words so I am guaranteed to share with you everything inside my brain. ..Guaranteed to share with you the voice of God.

 Since there is no way for me to plug my brain up to my keypad, I am going to try my best to accurately describe what is inside my brain and inside my heart.  When I had my vacation with the Lord, the lyrics of Addison Road’s songs spoke volumes to the current mess I had made for myself and brought me to tears because there was life in the songs they sang. As I stood rows away from their lead singer, I was again brought to tears but this time it was because I heard God saying to me, “finally Jay stay broken and surrender control so that I can show you a better life.” For so long, I tried controlling my own life and didn’t allow any room for God’s control.  We all hit rock bottom at times and we all turn our lives upside down and we all face the darkness of this world. But no matter where we are at in our lives or how big of a mess we created for ourselves, God is there to give us life. We all have a story composed of many chapters, subtitles, and side notes and every piece of OUR story leads to God’s story.  If you hear God’s voice today, listen. Allow him to speak to the depths of your heart and allow him to take control of your life. Don’t see yourself or your life as broken but instead realize that you are under construction and that God is changing you for who He wants you to be to complete His story.

I am thankful that God isn’t through with me yet and I am content being in a constant state of construction because I know that somehow my story is part of God’s plan. Tonight Tenth Avenue North played Country Roads as a tribute to every West Virginian attending the concert. When they sang the words, county roads take me home to the place I belong. I smiled and knew that wherever my story takes me, WV will always be my home and God will always be to whom I belong.

                                                                                                                             

Verse to remember: Ephesians 1:11 In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will.

The blind leading the blind

For over a week, I have only been wearing a contact in my right eye.  When I attempt to put in my left contact (my most seeing impaired eye) I feel as if I am inserting hydrochloric acid opposed to my contact.  Along with instant pain and burning my eye becomes red and irritated. I have concluded that I either have an eye infection or I have scratched some part of my eye. A smart person would go to the eye doctor and put a stop to this pain and blindness but I choose to go around with only one good eye. And if this isn’t bad enough, every morning when I get out of the shower I still attempt to put in my left contact expecting a different outcome only to regret this decision a few seconds later. Tonight I was driving home, in the rain,(for those who had the privilege to ride with me in the pre-contact time period, you know that I am especially blind when it’s dark and raining) and when I came to a stop light I noticed the car beside me staring at me. At first, I thought they were watching me jam out to K-LOVE and then I   realized that there were probably wondering why I was sitting inches away from the steering wheel. As I was laughing at my adaptive driving technique, I put on my glasses to ensure my safety as I continued driving home.  

I have been using my contacts for months so I didn’t appreciate the severity of my astigmatism until this week when I was going around half blind. Not only was my vision bad in my left eye but I was putting more strain on my right eye because it was working twice as hard. I neglected my eyes and my need for contacts and as a result I have suffered headaches, blurry vision, and a red swollen eye for days. My ability to neglect my vision had a very similar result to when I neglect God’s vision. When I face each day, I must choose to seek God first and allow him to guide every part of who I am. Not only does this require obedience but it requires an unwavering faith. If I allow fear to overtake my faith when I am faced with a difficult situation, a seemingly impossible task, or complete brokenness, I will become blind. I will become blind because my fear will override the presence of God and I will become blind because I will start relying on my own vision instead of God’s vision. Whether we are in the valley or on the mountaintop, we must allow God to lead us. It’s impossible to allow God to guide our lives if we don’t surrender everything to him. What areas of your life and you unwilling to turn over to God? What personal vision in your life is more valuable than God’s vision for your life?  Are you walking around with   one good eye only seeing and therefore experiencing half of what God has for you?  

Without my contacts, I add more strain to my eyes and am forced to compensate numerous time throughout my day in order to see clearly.  My physical “blindness” takes away my ability to see road signs, class notes, and football score  on the TV, leading to frustration and voids in my days. Without God, I add more strain to my life and rely on my own guidance, leading to a downward spiral of compensations in order to see clearly. My spiritual “blindness” takes away my ability to trust God in all situations and makes it impossible for God’s vision for my life to unfold. Don’t compensate God’s vision for your life and don’t trust your own guidance over His. When/IF you do you will always be limited to blurry vision because no matter how hard we try, without God, we will always be blind.

Verse to remember:  Isaiah 56:10-11 10 Israel’s watchmen are blind, they all lack knowledge: they are all mute dogs, they cannot bark, they lie around and dream, they love to sleep. 12 They are dogs with mighty appetites; they never have enough. They are shepherds who lack understanding; they all turn to their own way, each seeks his own gain.

Helping hands equal happy hearts

As part of a project for one of my classes, I was required to assess buildings on my university’s campus and determine the accessibility for an individual who had a physical disability. This morning 4 of my friends and I headed downtown to begin our adventure. My friends (I prefer friends opposed to classmates) were responsible for documenting the entire morning and I was trusted to be our test subject. I was role playing an individual who was injured in an accident, suffering broken legs, and as a result used a wheelchair for mobility. Throughout our morning adventure, we discovered that the main parking garage did not have an elevator, ramps were not identified, doorways were narrow, water fountains were too high, and handicapped accessible doors weren’t very handicap accessible at all. We also discovered that there were positive accommodations made to our university in order to meet the needs of those who had a physical disability. More than the accommodations, I (we) noticed the willingness of students to help someone in need. Young men held doors open, in the rain, so I could propel my wheelchair through the doorway without added difficulty. (For the record, it is much more difficult to steer a wheelchair than it looks) A store worker offered to help me as I struggled to pour my coffee from a seated position. And in the bathroom, other girls allowed me to wash my hands first so I could have enough room to maneuver myself from the sink to the paper towel dispenser.  These individuals made my morning project easier by noticing a need and acting accordingly to help meet that need. (As did my friends who pushed me around campus when my arms were beyond fatigued.)

 I may have been role playing this morning but there have been many times in my life when I was in desperate need of a helping hand. Life is too complicated to face on our own. We can be skilled professionals, be brilliant at multi-tasking, and possess many talents but there will be a time when we need someone to meet a need in our life. When we trust God, He will meet all of our needs. But in order for him to be successful He sometimes uses us to help others. When a friend, a co-worker, a spouse, or a complete stranger requires a helping hand are you first in line to help or are you among the crowd watching as they struggle to get through each day? Are you too consumed with your own schedules and needs to invest in the life of someone else? A simple act of kindness can unknowingly change someone’s day and perhaps even their life. When we unselfishly give of our time, our resources, and of ourselves we show the people in our life a glimpse of God’s selfless and perfect love…Our “helping hand” represents Christ’s presence in our lives. What we have to offer others is only limited by whether or not we have allowed God to help us first. We may think that we don’t have a need in our lives because we can’t pin point anything specific but we are ALL in need of God each and every day. By allowing God to dwell inside our hearts, we allow Him to control every aspect of who we are. When he is in command of our hearts and our lives, we seek out ways to lend a helping hand so the world can see His light through us. But when we choose to command our own lives and hearts, we fade into the crowd of other’s still searching for someone to meet the needs in their lives.  Don’t allow yourself to be stuck in a crowd today. If you see an opportunity to lend a helping hand, be the first one there to help and if you are searching for a helping hand to meet your needs, reach up because God has His arm stretched out waiting for you to take hold of it.

Verse to remember: 1 Corinthians 15:58 Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is never in vain.

Advanced Scar Treatment

Today I had the honor of attending a luncheon entitled, an afternoon of enlightenment. This luncheon was sponsored by the Mary Babb Randolph Cancer Center and honored breast cancer survivors from all over the area. I am not a breast cancer survivor and in fact when I called and asked to attend this event, the lady with whom I spoke wasn’t very receptive to my desire to be a part of this day. I went on to explain to her that I had a strong desire to spend the rest of my life in pursuit of making a difference for those battling cancer with my career and my heart. After an awkward moment of silence, she agreed to let me attend. My intentions for attending this event, were to learn as much as I could about survivorship in hopes of becoming a more qualified physical therapist as a result of the stories these women had to share. And to hopefully offer suggestions or resources and answer questions related to my field of study.  I don’t know if I will be a better physical therapist after today but I can assure you that after today I am a better person because of these women. As I sat there and listened to their individual stories, I felt so inadequate. These women possessed a source of strength unknown to most and they had overcome more pain and heartache than most will experience in a lifetime. Each and every woman at the luncheon today had their own story to tell, each containing a different journey that ended in the same result: survivorship. I sat in awe of these ladies for almost an hour, listening to miracle after miracle and then one of the keynote speakers took the podium.  She talked for about 10 minutes about her personal journey and ended it with a profound truth. She admitted that the hardest part of her journey was the scar that remained after her mastectomy. One day, after months of seeing only a scar, her husband said, “honey it isn’t a scar at all. It’s a birthmark.” I honestly got goose bumps after those words came out of her mouth.  Her life was restored and she had the scar to prove it. She was given a second chance at life and was able to turn her shame into gratification.

Tonight at church, my pastor asked me to come up front. As I stood holding his hand, he told my congregation about my journey in Christ (an abridged version of course). Throughout my journey, I have had my own stories of triumph, failure, pain, defeat, fear, and happiness.  As he talked, I felt inadequate for the second time today. This time my inadequateness was accompanied with shame. Shame for all the times I had chosen myself above God. And then I felt a tug in my heart and it was My Jesus saying to me, there is no shame in who you are in Christ. He is right friends. In my life, I have many scars but the scars of my past don’t exist any longer. God showed me today that my scars are really my birthmark. My reminder that He has restored my life and given me a new life in Him. He wants to do the same for you friends. What scars are you holding onto? Who you have been doesn’t define who you are. The most difficult journey is back to the place where we failed. But we aren’t stuck in the realm of our failures and our scars; we are led into the realm of God by His mercy, love, and salvation.  Let God heal your scars today and more importantly, allow him to restore your life and give you a birth mark stamped with our Saviors’ signature.

Today I wore more than a pink ribbon in support of breast cancer research, survivorship, and hope. I wore a ribbon of in support of God, His presence in my life, and my love for Him.

Verse to remember:  1 Peter 1:3-4  3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade-kept in heaven for you.

Help is on the way

When I received my application letter for physical therapy school, I remember all of the steps and requirements involved. I had to have the proper classes, a specific GPA, a competitive GRE score (and friends mine was anything but competitive), letters of recommendations, and answer questions specific to each school to which I was applying.  WVU had an additional requirement. They wanted a letter of purpose. I put off writing my letter of purpose until the last minute because I wasn’t exactly sure what to include and more importantly, I wasn’t quite sure what my purpose was. At the time, I wanted to be a physical therapist because I liked working with people, witnessed personal success with PT, and the career interested me.  None of these would be enough to write 2 pages and it definitely wouldn’t make me stand out among 100 plus applicants. So when I sat down to write my letter of purpose, I examined my heart and let my heart lead me instead of allowing my brain to make me seem “purposeful.” I don’t recall everything I included in my letter of purpose, but I do know that ultimately I wanted to be a physical therapist because I had a strong passion to invest in the lives of others and I wanted to forever have a career grounded in helping others.

Wednesday afternoon as I was working with a physical therapist, we attempted to treat a patient with severe vertigo. Her symptoms were by far the worst either of us had ever seen. (I know, not much coming from me since I have very little clinical experience but a lot coming from an NCS PT) I say attempted to treat her because all of the treatment options available to us, combined with all of our knowledge, weren’t enough to alleviate her symptoms. In fact, we managed to make her vomit three times.  The only comfort she had when we left her room, was finally a diagnosis to her misery and education on how we hoped to make her better. When I left the hospital Wednesday, my heart was sad because we weren’t able to help her.  That evening I re-read a few of my textbooks and looked up articles I thought might reveal another option we overlooked. I was determined to help this lady feel better. After I had exhausted all of my resources, I knew we had given her the best PT care available and I could only pray that her symptoms would decrease by the next day.

My desire to help others fails in comparison to God’s desire to help us. Unlike any human abilities, God’s abilities are never attempts and his resources are never limited. There isn’t one situation, sickness, trial, or even one person that can’t be “helped” through and by God.  Whatever the case, God never scratches his head for the answer, He doesn’t ask someone smarter than Him for guidance, and He definitely doesn’t give up. Why? Because He is the answer, He is the all-knowing, and He refuses to let us live a life depleted of His presence.  Think about a time when you felt completely helpless and how much it hurt your heart to have nothing more to offer. Now, imagine how much God’s heart hurts when he has everything to offer us and we won’t allow Him to help us.  I can promise you His heart only hurts because he wants to take care of everything for us. The next time you need help in any area of your life, jump on God’s back and let him carry you. If you really want an easy and enjoyable journey, put on a blindfold when you’re on His back and let him not only carry you but lead you.

Verses to remember: Psalm 121 1-8

1 I lift my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. 3 He will not let your foot slip-He who watches over you will not slumber; 4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. 5 The Lord watches over you-the Lord is your shade at your right hand; 6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. 7 The Lord will keep you from ALL harm-he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forever more.