The imagination I created inside my head as a child has remained inside my head long into adulthood. And in my creative mind, I have often imagined what it would be like to be someone else. I will openly admit that I had (still have) a fascination with Michael Jordan. For the better part of my youth, I collected every Michael Jordan memorable possible. I had everything from a 6’6 cardboard cutout to his rookie card. And during my basketball career, every time, I laced up my air Jordan high tops, I pretended to be Mike. ( I didn’t stick out my tongue for concentration; I bit my lip) Not only did I want to be (and pretend to be) Michael Jordan on occasion; I wanted to be the drummer in the Dave Matthews Band. My fascination wasn’t with carter Beuford but with Dave Matthews himself. But I didn’t want to be Dave Matthews; I wanted to jam out with him during Warehouse or Grey Street as 50,000 fans sang along. (It is a tie between Carter and Boyd Tinsley but drums are way cooler than a violin) And during every concert (almost 30 of them) I entered the world of DMB and with my arms going in different directions and my feet dancing in circles; I pretended to be a part of the brilliance within my favorite band.
I have imagined living a day in the shoes of someone I admired throughout my life and for the past 48 hours; I filled the shoes of my biggest hero ever. I wasn’t making game winning shots or creating platinum records; I was being a temporary pastor’s wife. I spent my weekend doing a small fraction of what my pastor’s real wife does every day. I made food for church dinners, I taught Sunday school (completely unplanned but completely rewarding), I was my pastor’s right hand man, I washed my sheets (and lined up the blanket and sheets correctly), and I was even prepared to make hard boiled eggs. I willingly and humbly accepted every role and responsibility I took on this weekend because I wanted to love others and give of myself in every way possible. And as I hugged my hero this evening; I didn’t have to imagine what it was like to be her anymore: I just smiled because she was back.
No matter how many times I pretend to be someone else; I am still me. When I wake up in the mornings there is no mistake for my bed head and my morning breath. I don’t deny my morning appearance and I don’t deny who I am. And the best part is: God doesn’t want me to pretend to be anyone else either. He accepts me just the way I am. I don’t have to impress God or make myself appealing to Him. There isn’t a celebrity status in Christ. He loves me for me. He loves my random words, my weird habits, my exaggerations, my coffee addiction, my sweatpants, and my morning breath. He loves me when I let my ability to be human come before my ability to be Christ like. He loves me when I fail, when I lie (a very rare occurrence), when I sin, and when I fear. He even loves me when I try (key word try) to put him in a box. Not only does God love me; He created me so He knows the real me better than I know the real me. And because He knows me; I don’t have to pretend to be brave when I am really scared. I don’t have to pretend to be strong when I am really broken. I don’t have to pretend to understand when I am secretly relying solely on my Faith. I don’t have to be happy when I am torn and sad. I never have to hide anything from God (we can’t truly hide from God) so He gets the purest and truest form of Jay Garcia ever. And despite the mess that is at times; His love is never make believe. Do you pretend to be anyone other than you? Are you trying to hide yourself from God? Is something keeping you from seeing yourself through God’s eyes? Don’t pretend to be anyone other than who God created you to be. Don’t make God’s love and adoration for you a pretend aspect of your life.
I will never feel the thrill of winning an NBA final with a game winning shot and I will never be able to give a double encore because a sold out venue refuses to leave until they hear Two-Step (best version of Two-Step ever) but I will be able to fill the shoes God created for me. And every time I am fortunate enough to trade places with the lady who single handedly helped me trade in my sinner shoes for my Jesus shoes; I am one step closer to my ultimate hero who I will finally meet when I enter heaven. (And I am one step closer accepting the fact that bed making and ironing are necessary everyday)
Verse to remember: Psalm 139:13-14 For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
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