Yesterday morning for the second part of my four hour lecture; I learned about equipment and strategies available to autistic children who battle sensory and stimulation overloads. I paid attention to this guest lecturer partly because I have a soft spot in my heart for autistic children and partly because I too suffer from system overloads at times. As the speaker gave examples of how a child with autism would be effected by noises and distractions; I verbally made known that the vibration of a desk close to me was in fact distracting me at that very moment. Unlike this distraction, my system overloads usually occur as a result of me trying to multi-task while learning something new or engaging in an activity that requires more attention and cognition than I am giving it. And it is a given that anytime I took an Ortho practical with JP (and friends it feels so good to refer to Ortho practicals in past tense); I instantly went into system overload. Tonight as I sat with the most amazing beautifully created woman I know, I found myself in yet another system overload. But tonight’s system overload wasn’t like my normal moments of confusion, irritability, and frustrations; it was a system overload of God’s presence. As we shared our thoughts, our fears, our testimonies, and our hearts, (and our cheese fries); I was overloaded with the presence of God in every story, every laugh, and every memory. And for the first time in my life my system overload wasn’t a result of a negative experience but instead it was the result of the most positive aspect of my life: God.
It’s no secret that not only do I love God but I love loving God. I know it’s a confusing statement but it’s a truthful statement. Every day my mind is constantly thinking of new ways to love God and my heart is constantly yearning for evening to come so I can spend time alone with God. (This in and of itself could be the cause of my system overloads) But my life didn’t always center around loving God. In fact, the moment I believed in God and the moment I truly experienced God occurred months apart. And during those months my faith and my relationship with the Lord grew stronger but the hunger and passion to love him was very minimal. Until one night in Jamaica around a bonfire, I cried my heart out to the Lord. For the first time in my life, I surrendered ALL that I was to Him and in that moment nothing else but the love that existed between my Lord and I mattered…NOTHING. The next day I received a bookmark from a man who attended my church. As he handed it to me, he looked perplexed and somewhat timid but confident in the words he had written on the back of the bookmark. The words on the bookmark (which still marks the verse in my bible 12 years later) said: Jessica Garcia this is for you: Ephesians 6:10 The Lord understands your heart and your tears last night at the bonfire. HE LOVES YOU. Friends, I thought I had experienced God the night before around a fire but when I sat alone holding that bookmark; God himself was towering over me. How do I know? Well, I am glad you asked. I know because I didn’t tell a single soul, not one person, my plea, my cry, my surrender, my prayer to the Lord. The words on that sliver of paper came right from the mouth of God and in an instant I changed from loving God to loving to love God. I wish I could tell you that were enough to sustain my faith in God and enough to keep my fire alive but it wasn’t. I was 14 then and throughout the next 12 years I cycled through periods of loving God to questioning God to doubting God to denying God. And then one night as I was desperate to experience God again, to feel the goose bumps overtake my body, to have the Holy Spirit awaken my soul, to feel the warmth of God’s breath on the back of my neck (because He was that close to me); I cried out to God in complete brokenness. For the first time since sitting around the bon fire in Jamaica, I surrendered every ounce of my being to God (I had become quite proficient at surrendering 50-75% to God before this moment). As I laid in my bed, with snot all over my face and a wet pillow from my tears; I grabbed my phone. I wanted to read God’s word but my Bible was at my apartment so I settled for an application on my phone that displays a single bible verse at a time. I hit the screen on my phone and the verse Ephesians 6:10 flashed onto my phone. It’s a good thing God was again towering over me because I was sobbing so hard: I’m almost certain I stopped breathing a few times. God could have put any verse on that screen but He chose the exact verse I needed to experience Him to the fullest. Have you truly experienced God? Have you poured out every ounce of your soul to Him, claiming that His love is enough? If you haven’t friends, you are missing out on so much. Not only is the presence of God more powerful than anything you will ever experience but by allowing yourself to experience God; you will pave the way to love loving God. I couldn’t possibly fully believe in God without truly experiencing God and neither can you friends. By experiencing God numerous times a day, I am driven to love God with every ounce of my soul. If you find yourself torn between doubting God and loving God; cry out to Him and without reservation. Don’t hold anything back from the one who deserves for you to love Him as much as He loves you; to the one who longs to make the hairs on your head stand straight up when you experience Him for the first time.
The system overloads of my life exist in many forms and can yield either laughter, frustration, or defeat. But when I enter the presence of God and experience Him to the fullest; I’m not able to focus on my system overload because I am too busy enjoying the love of Christ.
It wouldn’t be very nice to make you read this entire post and not chose Ephesians 6:10 as my verse to remember... Actually, I didn’t choose the verse at all, God did!
Verse to remember: Ephesians 6:10 FINALLY, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.
No comments:
Post a Comment