Too thankful for words

Yesterday afternoon I was talking to one of my friends explaining how much I love daylight savings (of course, only when I gain an hour of sleep). I went on to tell her that it is my second favorite day of the year; Thanksgiving is by far my favorite day. She looked at me puzzled and said, “Why is thanksgiving your favorite day of the year?” I will go ahead and say that she doesn’t share in my love for Thanksgiving because she turns 30 this year on Thanksgiving Day and more importantly, because she hasn’t had the privilege of eating my gram’s stuffing. My gram’s stuffing isn’t the only reason I love Thanksgiving; I embrace Thanksgiving because it gives all of us an opportunity to Thank God for all He has done and truly realize how much we have to be thankful for. And on a side note, there is no greater feeling than to lie on the couch in sweatpants (yes I wear sweatpants to Thanksgiving dinner every year) watching football with a full belly. Today I was challenged by my pastor to be thinking of all that I have to be thankful for. And all morning I tried to accurately put into words how grateful I truly am and come up with a deserving way to thank God for giving me much more than I deserve.

This afternoon, still unable to wrap my thoughts around the gifts and blessings God has given me; I sat in an exam room with a member of my family awaiting her oncologist. As he entered the room and began talking, I felt an uneasiness inside my heart. My body became faint and the back of my neck became hot and when the words: “your cancer has spread to your lungs” came out of his mouth; I felt my stomach hit the floor and the blood drain from my face.  Four times in the past 17 months, I have sat feet away from a member of my family as a doctor has delivered life changing news. For my papa and my unborn niece/nephew,  the news the doctor delivered resulted in them going home to be with Jesus. As I watched tears fall from the eyes of a brave and battered woman: I wanted to cry, I wanted to fall to my knees (in a germ infested exam room and that’s desperation friends), I wanted to scream out in pure brokenness, I wanted anything that would allow me to release the pain inside my heart. Just as all the strength I possessed was being sucked from my soul; I closed my eyes tight (so no one else would see my tears) and called upon my Lord. In that moment I simply said, “Lord it’s your piggy back partner and I am jumping on your back. I will go wherever you carry me.”  And in a moment where I had every reason to be anything but thankful; I found myself finally being able to grasp the depth of my thankfulness.  I am thankful because as I struggled to keep breathing due to the suffocating pain; my God was the one who was more powerful than anything I have ever experienced. He came to me without an invitation and without reservation not because I deserved Him but because He loves me. And He whispered in my ear, “I am the one.” He is the one friends. He is the one, who restores my strength and my joy despite my repeated pain to the evils of this world. He is the one who possesses life and love more powerful than anything on this earth and He is the one who is my everything. Despite all I lack and all I am undeserving of; He is the one who will never let go of me. His love will remain when my entire world crumbles before me. His comfort will sustain me when I want to melt away. And His promises will keep me from allowing the pain of this world to steal my joy.  

Because He is the one; I don’t have to face this world alone EVER. I don’t have to fear, I don’t have doubt and, I don’t have to suffer. I can never be overcome as long as I remain in Christ. During a year where my faith has been attacked and my strength and been tested; I am beyond thankful that my redeemer lives.  And when I feel like everything I am most thankful for is being destroyed; He whispers in my ear, reminding me that He is the only one I need and that He is with me forever. As I sit in awe of my King and weep at all I have to be thankful for; I will rejoice in not knowing the why or the how and be thankful for the Who. The Who that I am thankful to call my Lord of Lords and King of Kings!

Verse to remember: John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.