Today is my savior’s birthday. And part of my birthday celebration includes cooking a feast for my family and friends. I prepared my menu earlier in the week (I checked it with my grandma because I may be the cook but she has the final say) and spent all day in the kitchen. After many hours of cooking, my meal was complete (I should have stuck to crescent rolls; my homemade rolls still need some work). As I watched my family fill their plates; I filled my eyes with tears. Today was the first time in my life I celebrated Christmas without my pap. My Christmas Eve dinner preparations began without him commenting on my strong coffee and reminding me of the time I caught my oven on fire during my first attempt to cook a ham (never use a foil roasting pan…EVER) as we laughed over my strong coffee. And my Christmas Eve dinner ended without him raving on the meal I had prepared (I didn’t make green beans and almonds this year because last year they were the only thing he didn’t like) and asking me what pies we had for dessert as everyone else was too full to think of dessert. I missed my pap during every second of today but I missed him most as I attended my church’s candle light ceremony alone. I missed my grandma commenting on his uncombed hair and stained undershirt as I walked out the door, I missed his deep singing voice standing beside me, I missed his unsteady hand on my shoulder as I lit my candle, I missed his smile and look of contentment as the pastor spoke, and I mostly missed sharing my favorite part of Christmas Eve with the only member of my family who appreciated the true meaning of Christmas as much as me.
I have two favorite Christmas memories of my pap from last year. My first one came a few days before Christmas when my pap’s preacher was visiting. They were talking alone in my living room and I overheard him tell his preacher, “I know you’re here because you are worried about me but I feel sorry for you because I am going to meet Jesus first.” And my second one came on Christmas Eve when all four of my pap’s grandchildren were laying with him in his bed because he was too weak and tired to join the rest of my family in the living room. My grandma came in and asked him what he was doing and he said, “I’m lying with my four angels.” As I held my candle and watched the flame shine brightly tonight in my dark church sanctuary; I cried and I had my first memory of a Christmas Eve service without my pap. But my memory wasn’t sadness; my memory was the promise that one day I will stand next to my pap again holding a candle, singing our favorite old hymns. But this time my candle won’t be the only representation of the light of the world. Jesus himself will be standing with us. Jesus is the light of the world friends. Because He came to this earth, we no longer have to live in darkness. He came to set all of us free and to be the light that shines within our hearts. The shadows of this world will never overpower us if we shine brightly in Christ. His light will lead the way; all we have to do is follow Him. Jesus laid down His life at the cross and He is the only one who can overcome all of Satan’s attempts to dim the light the shines in us when we believe in Jesus. Is Jesus the light of your life? Does He shine within your soul and radiate from every fiber in your being? Christmas is the perfect time to allow Christ to renew the flame within your heart. It’s the perfect time to allow the light of the world to spread his love both within you and through you. It is the perfect time to acknowledge the beauty of the King of all the Earth who shines brighter than all the rest.
Tonight, I have the same two favorite memories of my pap on Christmas. I know that my pap has met Jesus and I know that he is lying with his angels. I know that as I watched each candle in my church burn representing the light of the world; my pap was standing with the true light of the world. I know that Jesus is having His best birthday yet because he is celebrating it with my pap for the first time. I missed my pap from the moment I woke up and brewed my strong coffee (my pap has most definitely been given the responsibility of head barista in Heaven) and as I watch my clock hit 4:00 am; I am still missing him. But my sadness diminishes when I envision my pap standing with the light of the world. My sadness diminishes because I know that Jesus is shinning upon me and when I shimmer and shine brightly; my reflection makes everything beautiful again.
Verse to remember: John 1:3-5 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of the of men. 5 the light shines in darkness but the darkness has not understood it.
No comments:
Post a Comment