And the award for weakness goes to...

This morning I woke up at 5:00 because I was laughing in my sleep. I don’t remember exactly what I was laughing at but I do remember that I was dreaming about my beyond awesome friend and old roommate Britt. (I still wish she would get a divorce for a night and come back to 845 for a slumber party). I managed to fall back asleep and when my clock went off at 6:30 there was no laughter coming from this mouth. Well, until my snooze went off 10 minutes later. I was laughing because my snooze alarm reminded me of Britt and her morning ritual. For an entire year, she would set two different alarms (one of which required her to get out of bed to turn off) and they would continue to go off every 10-15 minutes until she got out of bed. (usually 30-40 minutes after the initial alarm sounded.) Without fail, I would laugh every morning as each alarm went off. I was amazed that this regimen worked for her and I would laugh because she could add an extra hour of sleep every morning if she set her clock for when she actually needed to get out of bed. ( I prefer to sleep until the last possible second and make my own dress code for class) The trend of Britt stories continued throughout my morning routine. This morning in the shower, I used my face wash as shampoo by accident. (A definite sign of a lack of sleep) As I was rinsing Neutrogena grapefruit scrub from my scalp, I started laughing, remembering one of my favorite stories of all time. (The Mannington Pool Caviler escapade is hard to beat)  Brittany was brushing her teeth and when she came out of the bathroom she said, “My mouth is tingling. I think I used Ben Gay instead of toothpaste by accident.” Because of my awesome friend my morning was filled with laughter and I was able to forget about my coffee stained shirt, my missing left sock, and my turkey wrap that I left behind in my refrigerator.

I wish my morning lecture sparked a memory to elicit laughter but a thermos of good coffee was an acceptable replacement.  Full of caffeine and fun memories, I began the drive to my grandmother’s first chemotherapy appointment. Once there, her doctor confirmed that her chemo treatments were going to be done daily opposed to weekly and that her chemo regimen had been changed to Interferon which has the most severe side effects of any chemotherapy drug. The change was necessary in order to give my gram the best treatment available and hopefully prevent an above knee amputation. In a split second, I found myself back in the ring with cancer. I heard the Emcee announce the fight: In the left corner, we have Jay Garcia returning for her third round looking for her first victory (for her grandparents) against cancer. Being a good experienced fighter, I began assembling my attack plan. Within seconds, I had a mental checklist of everything I needed to do. I had calls to make, resources to take advantage of, schedules to change, and most importantly a loved one who desperately needed me.  As I was driving back to class for my afternoon presentation, I found myself desperately trying to hold back tears. (I needed a professional appearance on my side for my mediocre presentation) As the tears began to stain my cheeks, and I began turning over my boxing gloves to God, I was again reminded of my awesome friend Britt. This time I wasn’t laughing; I actually began to cry harder. I remembered the bible verse she recites every time she gets on an airplane: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (Is it cheating to give you a verse to remember before the end?) I may be fighting out of the left corner but I am the weakest fighter on the East coast. And because I am weak; I am strong in Christ. His power is made perfect in me. PERFECT!  I don’t know about you friends but I have never been perfect in my life. Because I am made perfect in Christ, I don’t have to throw a single punch. I don’t have to worry about the aggressiveness of melanoma, the harsh side effects of Interferon, my schedule that contains a research project and 4 finals, caregivers for my gram, or the daily trips to the infusion center. All I have to do is embrace the blows thrown at me by cancer and allow His grace to be enough.  His grace will provide everything I need to make my fight easier as long as my attack plan has only 1 step:  turn to Jesus for everything. My body may become tired and my life may become battered and my fight may go 37 rounds. But I will remain strong because in my weakness, His power will remain perfect.  And regardless of who is declared the winner at the end of the fight; I will take a bow and a much needed rest. I won’t be laughing if cancer is declared the winner but there will be a smile on my face because I know that God has already won the main event.

I know that each time my days need a bright spot; I have Britt’s friendship and funny stories .And I know that each time I hear the ring side announcer call my name; I have God fighting out of my corner.  Watch out cancer, this combination is going to be hard to beat!

Verse to remember: 2 Corinthians 2:9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Squeaky clean

My Sunday afternoons are usually dedicated to my grandma. I set aside this time every week specifically for her. Since I had spent the beginning of the week with her before going to New Jersey, I was going to come back to Morgantown and take advantage of a lazy Sunday afternoon by watching movies, downloading new music, and addressing my Christmas cards. But before I got on the interstate, I called her to make sure she didn’t need anything. And it’s a good thing I did. She needed yellow cheese. To most, yellow cheese is known as American cheese. My grandma likes to add 3-4 slices of cheese to her boxed macaroni and cheese and was apparently out.  She also needed the batteries in her smoke alarm changed and her trash taken out.  I didn’t stop to get yellow cheese on my way to her house because I knew she would have just enough time to think of ten more things she needed before I arrived. After visiting with her for awhile and fixing her smoke alarm and taking out her trash; I asked her if there was anything she needed from the store. She rattled off a few random items and then said, “laundry detergent. I need more laundry detergent.” There was no way she needed laundry detergent. I just bought her a large container of laundry detergent on Saturday. After a few moments of arguing (we never truly argue) and pure disbelief on my behalf; I went to the laundry room to assess the situation for myself. And sure enough in 6 days my grandma had emptied the half full bottle that occupied the stand by the washer on Saturday and was well on her way to emptying the bottle I had just bought her. Completely shocked, I asked her if she was drinking detergent. Laughing, she said, “you just don’t know how I wash clothes.”

I clearly don’t know how my grandma washes clothes because she uses five times as much detergent as I do and only washes half as many clothes as I do. (Maybe she mixes XTRA detergent with her decaffeinated coffee in the mornings…I would have to add something besides half and half to my coffee if it were decaffeinated.)  The mystery to the missing detergent of Meadow Avenue remains and as my brain was playing detective; I asked myself what mysteries of Jesus keep my mind constantly thinking? And I was drawn to the blood of Christ. Of course, I know the stories and references to the blood of Christ (because I read my bible daily) and I sing lyrics to songs referring to the power of the blood. I know that I am forgiven and washed clean by His blood. I know that the blood He shed at Calvary gave me life. I remind myself daily of the undeserved blood of Christ that has cleansed my soul, yet I can’t grasp the everlasting love of Jesus that accompanies His blood. I can’t grasp how despite all of my past sin, all of my imperfections, and all of my shame; God still claims me as His own. The very God who spoke the universe into existence, who gave life to man, and who sent His son to die, loves me unconditionally. He loves all of us unconditionally. I am not sure I will ever be able to grasp the beginning of God’s love (good thing no mind can ever comprehend the depths of His love) because each time I start to; He loves me more and more. But I am able to understand that there is nothing righteous in me. Nothing I possess is worthy enough for my King. God doesn’t love me because of who I am; he loves me because of who HE is.  God loves us so much friends. He loves us so much that He gave us Jesus. He watched His son withstand the beating which led to the blood that gave us life and wiped away our sins. He gave us Jesus friends. How can that not bring you to your knees and leave you speechless. Just because He gave us Jesus doesn’t mean all of us are satisfied with Jesus. Is Jesus enough for you? When you wake up, is your first thought Jesus?  Do you want and need Him to be with you from the beginning of your day?  If God would take everything else in your life away, would Jesus be enough? Would the blood He shed at the cross for your life and the undeserved everlasting love of Christ be all that matters? Not only is Jesus enough for me; His love is beyond comprehension to me. Jesus Is greater than anything I could ever imagine. Knowing that the one who walked on water, fed thousands with rations of bread and fish, and withstood Calvary loves me more than my heart can imagine doesn’t just bring me to my knees. It makes my life’s desire to live every second of my life in pursuit of the worthiness He deserves.

My grandma’s technique to washing clothes leaves her with the cleanest clothes in West Virginia. (she has to be using an 1/8 of the bottle with each load)  And leaves me completely speechless as to how one lady can use so much detergent in a week’s time.  God’s technique to washing away our sin with the blood of Jesus leaves us with the freedom to have an abundant life filled with everlasting love. And leaves me completely speechless as to how one Man can love me so much in a lifetime.

Verse to remember:  1 Peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

Clean up aisle 7

Yesterday, I took black Friday shopping to an entirely new level. My sister wanted a TV for Christmas and we all know that the TV industry picks one day out of the entire year to sell televisions at an extremely low price…Black Friday. So my sister and I ventured out to Walmart at midnight. A Walmart in a city we had never been to before.  Once arriving at an already packed Walmart, we headed to the electronics department where a man gave us a map of the locations for the “hot items”. We needed to go to section A. At section A, we were given a ticket for the TV and told to go to the end of the aisle and wait. Wait until 5:00 AM when the TV went on sale. We were guaranteed the TV as long as we didn’t leave the aisle in the shoe department. Knowing that I was going to be there for 5 hours, I went to get caffeine conveniently located in aisle 17. After I stocked up on caffeine, I rejoined my sister prepared to endure the conditions of the night awaiting me. I was prepared to become miserably tired, grouchy at the crowd, and bored with the long wait. But what I was forgetting was the fact that my normal black Friday waits find me outside waiting in line opposed to sitting in a Walmart. My sister and I made friends with our neighbors (who gave us directions to Target and Khols which we hit up after Walmart), got chairs from the camping department to sit in while we waited, read every gossip magazine available in the checkout line (without buying a single one), were given free candy, and yes friends we even bought snacks and had a picnic in the middle of the boot aisle. I still had to endure a 5 hour wait with no sleep but my wait was made more enjoyable by the convenience of sitting in a store that has every necessity you could possibly need for not only a long night but for everyday living.

I was determined to leave New Jersey with my sister’s TV before I knew the luxurious conditions that awaited me for my midnight adventure. (There was nothing luxurious about carrying a 32’ TV through hundreds of people to get to the checkout line) I was prepared to tackle the crowds of rude people, the long lines, and the fatigue for my sister. As I was successfully loading the TV into my dad’s car, my sister said, “I can’t believe we actually got it!” I don’t think she doubted me (she has seen GI Jay in action before) but instead was excited to have a new TV for her room. I have used a similar phrase, whether in excitement or doubt, when I have endured a situation in my life. But I can admit that my determination to withstand the conditions set before me weren’t as strong as my determination to leave NJ with a TV. What makes our determination diminish when we are faced with a lifelong situation requiring endurance? Or when we are faced with a situation far worse than a 5 hour wait in the middle of the night? I believe our determination diminishes when we try to face the battle/situation on our own opposed to on our knees.  When we allow our strength, our will, our desires to come before God’s strength, will, and plan; we are in trouble friends. God has equipped us for battle. He has given us all we need to endure whatever Satan throws at us. He has provided us with luxurious accommodations fitted specifically for our needs in each and every situation. What situations of your life are you putting before the accommodations from God?  Are you on your knees or are your arms tired from swinging punches with no success?  When you go to battle alone, your determination won’t last and your arms won’t be the only thing that gets tired. How awesome is it to know that when we hit our knees; we don’t have to endure alone. Yes, there will be times when we will feel like we can’t endure another second but just when we are about to stand up; God will come in and see us through the darkest night. We never face battles alone friend. God is always watching over us and He is always faithful. Sometimes we have to endure unimaginable circumstances and situations but He is always watching over us. Our struggle, our situation, our suffering, and our pain can’t even begin to compare to the glory that God will reveal to us and in us.

After yesterday, all of my long waits on black Friday will take place in Walmart because I know that I can endure any wait with the accommodations available within the walls of the store. Today, I will continue to endure all of my battles on my knees because I know that when I cling to the cross; His accommodations are all I need. His mercy will rescue me, His grace will restore me, and His love will set me free.

Verse to remember:  2 Timothy 2:3 Endure hardship with us like a good solider of Christ Jesus.

Call off the search party

I finally committed to going to New Jersey with my family for Thanksgiving. My great aunt and three of her four children live there and she invited my family to spend the holiday with them.  I only get to see my aunt and cousins when someone in my family gets married or goes home to be with the Lord so after much debate (and making sure my grandma was still going to make her stuffing); I gave in.  My last minute decision forced me to start packing this morning. (good thing I am a professional at procrastinating). After making sure my sister knew that our trip to New Jersey didn’t change my normal attire of sweatpants on Thanksgiving Day; I began putting items in my suitcase. I managed to pack quickly but I couldn’t find my black belt or my travel size container of contact solution. I wasn’t concerned about my contact solution because I knew I had left it in Mannington but where was my black belt! If it weren’t for my grandma, I would have been traveling to east without my pink coat that I left in her car Sunday after church. And I don’t want to imagine the time I would have spent looking for that.

An interesting fact that I had stored in my brain, (probably from my best friend Amy who possesses all kinds of random facts) is that the average American spends one year of their life searching for lost items. An entire year of our lives is spent looking for misplaced keys, hidden remote controls, and the receipt we desperately need to return the Christmas sweater from our great aunt. Obviously, I fall into this statistic. I actually spend part of every morning looking for something I need before I can leave my house. My quest to find the shirt I need to match my already ironed pants or my pursuit to locate my coffee thermos in the mornings may only take a few minutes from my day but nonetheless when I finally walk out my front door; I am already behind schedule. Despite our efforts most of us will admit that we still find ourselves searching for lost items on a daily basis. But how many of us are searching for the missing piece to our lives? Perhaps we are trying to fill the void in our lives with drugs, alcohol, lust, gambling, sexual desires, money, fame, children, spouses, or careers. Or maybe depression, fear, defeat, or shame has filled our hearts allowing no room for anything else. We can spend an entire lifetime trying to fill the missing piece inside each of our hearts but we will fail every time friends. The puzzle of our hearts won’t be complete until we allow Christ to come into our lives. He is the missing link to each and every one of us. Jesus doesn’t spend His time looking for material things; He spends His time looking for His lost children.

Jesus had found me over and over again in my life. He found me when I was a rebellious teenager in search of someone to love me. He found me when I turned to alcohol and drugs to mask the pain of my life. He found me when I sat alone in my apartment desperate for the answers to life. And He will find me again because Jesus never calls off His search party. He will continue to search for the remainder of our lives. I no longer need to search for the missing piece of my life because I have asked Christ into my heart and life but I can promise you all that there will be days when I am searching for more than my black belt. Because Jesus knows my name and knows all of His sheep; He will come searching for me when I start to stray from His flock. When I need direction or need herded in; He will be there.  It may be impossible to keep track of everything in our lives but it doesn’t have to be impossible to fill our hearts with Jesus. He created all of us to love Him and to live for Eternity.  He wants you to call off your search party. Wherever you are, Jesus wants to find you. He wants to take over your heart and your life and add you to His flock of sheep; to His eternal family.  

Verse to remember:  Luke 15:3-6 3 Then Jesus told them this parable: 4“suppose you have 100 sheep and lose one of them. Do you not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until you find it? 5 And when he finds it he puts it on his shoulders and goes home. 6 and then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, Rejoice with me I have found my lost sheep.”

Blue plate special

Despite the fact that I set my alarm (on my week off), I woke up at 6:30 convinced I had overslept. I continued to wake up every 30 minutes until 9:00 when my alarm finally went off. While I should have been enjoying a day to sleep in and a night of sleep void of the toddler train that usually keeps me up until 2 am; I was waking up with a racing mind about all I had to accomplish today. My to-do list was quite lengthy for the second day of my break. I had errands to run (for myself and my grandma), I had to finish a class project, laundry to do, an apartment to clean, chemotherapy treatments to schedule,  and my personal favorite; get my tire looked at again. Midway through my morning of drinking coffee and getting my grandma’s grocery list; I began to feel overwhelmed. I was afraid that I have given myself more than I could possibly handle in a day’s time. And then I started to feel the effects of a restless night of sleep and the beginning of a cold. (I am refusing to get sick and I have been repeating the song lyrics, I am washed in the blood numerous times a day)  And just when I was about to let the fear of my extremely busy schedule get the best of me; I remembered the feeling of anxiety and fear that had plagued me for so long. As my heart rate started to rise and my face became hot, I sat down on my living room floor and pitched my tent for the Lord. I sat there and let everything around me disappear. I wasn’t thinking about my to-do list; I was thinking about my comforter; my all in all. I let the presence of God remove the beginning of my anxiety and more importantly save the day that I was allowing myself to ruin.

After I had showered and was ready to tackle my day, my grandma said, “You have too much on your plate. Don’t worry about my pumpkin pie.” The truth is I wasn’t worried about her pumpkin pie; I wanted to make her one. (Even if she will tell me many times how to follow her specific recipe) But she was right; I do have a lot on my plate right now. And because I allowed myself to spend my much needed quiet time with the Lord this morning; I was thankful for my full plate.  Thanksgiving is two days away and I can assure you that my plate will have more food on it than any other person at the table. I never skimp on my favorite day of the year and will continue to fill my plate all day long. (I have already made pumpkin pies and cookies tonight to prepare my stomach for what lies ahead) I am not willing to hold back at the dinner table on Thanksgiving Day so why should I be willing to hold back in life. I know that God has given me the strength I need to handle all of my life roles. And when my to-do lists resembles a to-do novel and the plate of my life starts to fill up; I enjoy what lies ahead of me as much as I enjoy sweet potato casserole. (I could go the rest of my life without research; I am not going to lie about that) Life is always going to be demanding friends and our plates are going to continue to fill up faster than we want them too. But if we don’t allow God to come before our full plates; we will view the items on our plates as pickled eggs and sauerkraut opposed to chocolate mousse and prime rib. God will give life to our worn out bodies. He will provide the time, resources, and energy we need to cross off our to-do list one item at a time. And most importantly, He will open up our eyes to see that life isn’t about fearing the unknown and worrying about what lies ahead but instead about taking the time to appreciate each day and to seize every opportunity to invest in the life of someone else.  

When you are about to enjoy your favorite meal and the contents of your plate bring you much happiness, you aren’t worried about anything else (except maybe if there is enough food for seconds). But when you find yourself with a full plate in life, do you begin to worry and allow yourself to become overwhelmed?  Just as God has provided you with the delicious foods that comprise your favorite meal; He will provide you with whatever you need to complete your to-do list of life. When you trust God and allow Him to provide for all of your needs He will remove the items on your plate and replace them with His richest blessings.  When I clean my plate and excuse myself from the table, my stomach will tell me it’s finally satisfied. When I turn to God and excuse myself from taking on this life alone, my heart will tell me it’s finally satisfied. And God will be in heaven more fulfilled with my love and faith in Him than He could ever be with any feast.

Verse to remember: 1 peter 4:11 If anyone speaks he should do it as one speaking  the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

No hablo Ingles

Tonight I attended an International Thanksgiving dinner with some of my friends. When I found out about the event, my main intention for going was to watch one of my very good friends perform in a skit. After reading her lines, I knew I couldn’t miss out on this once in a lifetime event. It’s safe to assume, she won’t be traveling to Hollywood anytime soon to audition for any big time roles (although I believe she will venture back to California someday). Aside from the skit, I knew very little about the event I had agreed to attend. So needless to say when I arrived and saw the spread of food along with the semi-large crowd, I was a bit overwhelmed and a bit impressed. After a small class reunion with fantabulous girls I hadn’t talked to in years;  it was finally time to eat. As I walked through the Buffett style line, I asked the servers what each dish was. I am pretty sure I asked the man at the sushi station to describe every sushi roll. (good thing there were only 12-15) Unfortunately, some of the servers didn’t know the details of the dish they were serving and if they did know, English wasn’t their primary language. So I very quickly stopped relying on knowledge and randomly began selecting dishes that looked appetizing or smelled delightful. And then I just started taking a sample of everything! When I sat down, I knew very little about the contents of my plate but I was prepared to trust the experts who had prepared the meal. (And my culinary expertise of course) After the dinner was over, I was asked to take some of the International students home. Of course, I would take them home; I never turn down an opportunity to meet new friends. Of the five individuals who needed rides, two spoke very little English. And the lucky winners who were fortunate enough to ride with me were the two young Korean women who spoke very little English. They clearly never expressed fear to me but I can only imagine what they were thinking as they got into a car with a complete stranger with a very limited form of communication.
(one girl was able to tell me that she doesn’t like driving in the dark)Throughout our drive, I learned that they were both from South Korea and were in America for 3 months. I also learned that they made the delicious sweet and spicy beef and they wanted to be nurses.  After I successfully got them to their apartment (my gas light was on the entire time) they thanked me and were somewhat relieved that I was able find the correct apartment. (I didn’t have the heart to tell them I followed the other car taking students home)

I thought I was living on the edge by tasting unfamiliar foods (I even tried unknown sushi and that just doesn’t happen) but these young ladies put me to shame with their willingness to trust a stranger to get them home safely. How awesome would it be if we trusted God as innocently as my new friends trusted me: If we put ourselves in situations where the only understandable component was God? Unfortunately, we do the exact opposite most of the time. When we find ourselves in unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations, we focus on everything but God. We cling to anything that will sustain us and forget all about the promises we have in God. We forget that He has each and every one of our steps planned out. We forget that if He brought us to it, He will bring us through it. We forget that NOTHING is impossible with God.  We forget that He has a plan for us. We forget that we serve a miracle giving God. We forget that we are covered with Grace. We forget that in every situation, the only understandable component is God. We can’t possibly begin to understand or withstand every situation in our lives but we can blindly trust God. In every situation, we can either choose to make God all that matters or choose to question everything God is doing. We weren’t created to grasp and understand the depths of God but we were created to love God and to live for eternity. And each and every situation we find ourselves in; takes us one step closer to eternity where we will finally be overjoyed at the physical presence of God.

Sometimes in our walk with God we will be required to use our blind faith. We will have to go beyond unidentifiable sushi rolls and uncomfortable care rides. We will be faced with a situation where nothing makes sense and everything surrounding us is unfamiliar. No one will understand us and we will feel completely abandoned. And despite the fact that we are beginning to question everything about God; He is there. He is there and if we trust Him; He will be the only one who holds the key to our understanding. Who holds the key to our heart; who holds the key to heaven.

Verse to remember:
2 Corinthians 5:7 We live by faith, not by sight.
2 Corinthians 4:18 There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

My blue ribbon tower

I began my Thanksgiving break by having lunch at one of my favorite restaurants (my meatballs were exceptionally large today…it’s the little things in life) this afternoon. After a much needed lunch date, I headed down town to the courthouse to get a copy of my birth certificate. When I entered the court house, I heard my favorite radio announcer broadcasting the WVU basketball game. And I realized that for the first time in 2 seasons, I could listen to the second half on the radio on my drive home. (Again, it’s the little things in life) After obtaining the seventh copy of my birth certificate; I eagerly got into my car and changed my station from KLOVE to the Mountaineer game just in time to hear Tony Caradi say, “Vanderbilt has cut the WVU lead to just two.” Not the news I wanted to hear! But thankfully soon after that statement I heard him say, “the Mountaineers just went on a 9-0 run”. My Mountaineers barely pulled off a win but, nonetheless, they will be in the championship game on Sunday. With the play-by-play of the game winning shot still in my mind, I turned my radio back to KLOVE hoping to hear one of my favorite songs but instead I heard them asking for prayer for trapped miners. The excitement of a WVU victory faded away and my heart was drawn to the miners trapped inside the mine. Growing up in a mining community, I have friends that work underground and face the dangers of the coal mines every day. I have heard my friends talk about the damp conditions, the long hours, the demanding manual labor, and the unsteady foundation of the underground world. As I prayed for these trapped men, I included all coal miners and added a few extras for the brave men I personally know who were probably underground as I was praying.

I am clearly not a coal miner and it is a good thing because I’m not a fan of intense manual labor and my body would not be happy with a constant sleep schedule change. But I can appreciate and relate to the fact that when they go underground they trust their training as a skilled miner and the foundation of the mine to keep them safe. Thankfully, I don’t have to rely on earthly foundations to keep me safe because the foundation of my life is Jesus Christ. I have rooted myself in Him and allowed Him to be my immovable base. Every day when I wake up, I enter the coal mines of life without ever going underground. Each day, I face dank conditions, long hours, and demanding labor (although not manual if I can help it). Each day the foundation of my life is tested through Satan’s attempts to rattle my infrastructure. And sometimes the trials, relationships, and hardships of life shake my walls but with Christ as my rock solid foundation, I will never crumble and I can never be destroyed. Who or what have you chosen as your foundation? When the floods of life come pouring in, are you grounded in Christ or are you washed away? Do illness, financial difficulties, relationships, careers, and the economical downfall chip away at your foundation leaving you standing on uneven ground as the elements of life slowly destroy you? We can place our trust and hope in anything we want friends. But until we allow Christ to be the foundation of our lives, we will constantly be rebuilding our lives because He is the only one who will never crumble. He is the only one strong enough to withstand the devils schemes; He is the only one who has overcome this world. The only way to stay grounded in Christ is to listen to his words and apply them to ALL areas of your life. We must be Christ followers and use each day as an opportunity to allow God to mold our hearts and transform us more and more into His image. Christ is our rock solid foundation but we are responsible for expanding the size of our building. And I don’t know about you but I’m not satisfied with a short ugly tower. I want the best tower available to me so each day I will add blocks and stones to my tower by following not only God’s word but His plan for my life. I will continue building upon my foundation so everything within my tower reflects Christ.

I loved to stack blocks as a child and I would have competitions with my sisters to see who could build the tallest masterpiece. I always wanted to have the tallest one so I didn’t put much effort or concern into the bottom of my stack of blocks but instead on strategically placing long blocks in the middle for height. Needless to say, I usually got last place because my tower would always fall first.  The best part about having Christ as my foundation is: I can place all the blocks I want in the all the wrong places and my tower will still remain. He may chip away at the unnecessary walls I build for myself but He will never destroy the tower I have built in Him. I consider that first place every time friends.

Verse to remember:  Luke 6:47-49 47 I will show you what he is like who comes to me and lears my words and puts them into practice. 48 He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it because it was well built. 49 But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without foundation. The moment the torrent struck the house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.

Better than late night burritos

One of my few pet peeves in life is when individuals who are fully capable of ascending/descending a flight of stairs, get on the elevator and go up or down one level. I’m not completely insensitive (I’m actually the complete opposite) and I understand that there will be days where an outward indicator isn’t visible to onlookers explaining why they are prolonging the (my) elevator ride.  But I honestly have to bite my tongue on some occasions and look away so my nonverbal don’t offend someone. The worst part is; I love to be entertaining on an elevator and find it quite humorous to play music, face the back of the elevator instead of the front, and what elevator ride is complete without pretending you are severely claustrophobic around complete strangers. To avoid encountering individuals who are persistent on riding the elevator regardless of their destination and to ensure that I NEVER get stuck in an elevator (one of my biggest fears) when I am leaving the health science center; I take the stairs down to the first floor every day. If my classes weren’t on the 8^th floor and I had even a slight desire to exercise; I would always use the stairs.  Today, I needed to make a quick trip to Kroger to get sandwich baggies for our class bake sale (At least I came through with peanut butter blossoms) between classes. So, I opted to get on the elevator to save time. As soon as I hit the button for the doors to close, the elevator shook and started buzzing. Friends, there was no pretending to be claustrophobic at this point. Thankfully, the doors opened and the three of us trapped inside for a brief moment sprinted off.

After a brief panic attack, I started down the 8 flights of stairs to the ground level. And with each step I took, I reprimanded myself for taking the elevator even though I knew better.  I went against what I knew to be true: the HSC has unreliable elevators so never take them when you are leaving the building (and lazy people add to the stops increasing my chances of getting stuck) in order to save time. I wish this was the only time today I went against what I knew to be true. (I can assure you that I took the stairs for the rest of the afternoon). This evening, I was frustrated with my tire that now clunks along with shaking, overwhelmed with my research project, upset with the selfishness of people in my life, irritated  at the parking skills of my neighbors, and flat out angry that Kroger didn’t have Hershey kisses. And I missed my pap more than usual tonight. Partly because I knew if he were here my car would have been fixed weeks ago and partly because I heard the song Old Rugged Cross on Pandora today. Instead of taking a deep breath and asking God to make it all better: I cried.  And I cried some more. And then I went to taco bell and ordered three burritos and a caramel empanada. Had I just allowed God to satisfy me with His love; I would have saved myself $6.32 at taco bell (I don’t want to think about the calories) and saved myself a lot of heartache and frustration. I know that everything God promises me is true despite impossible research charts and terrible parallel parking skills. I know that I don’t have the ability to hold in a good cry when I have bad day but God is the only one who has the ability to make everything better. I know that nothing I have compares to Him. And I know that one day this entire world will disappear and my happily ever after won’t contain any of my Earthly pain, suffering, or sorrow. The truth is friends, I am not certain about very many things in my life and I can count on my hands the number of things I know to be true. But God’s love for me and His ability to change everything in my life (good and bad) for His glory is all I consider to be 100% true always.  When I feel like I have been given too much and feel like crying and eating as much fattening food as possible; I remind myself that I wouldn’t even be able to face all the difficulties of my day, if it wasn’t for His grace.  

  

I am thankful that elevators exist to add convenience to my days and provide a shortcut to my daily routine. (even if my shortcut is made a tad bit longer by “lazy” people)  But when I want to get home and say goodbye to the 8^th floor of the HSC; I don’t want ease and convenience, I want to trust what I know. My night was made slightly better by a late night taco bell run and cupcake batter (and perhaps ice cream later) and a good cry as I sat in my car (far from my apartment due to the parking situation on my street). Although, I am thankful for late night junk food, I can’t replace what I know to be true in God by taking shortcuts to my comfort. In the morning, my stomach won’t be happy as a result of my emotional binge eating and my eyes will be swollen from tears but right now, my heart is happy because I allowed myself to find comfort in the only one I know to be true. 

Verse to remember: Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Selective hearing opposed to active listening

As I conveniently sit and wait in a car service center for the fourth time in a month awaiting the verdict on the status of my brand new tires; I realize two things. First, I would much rather be spending this rainy morning lounging on my couch in sweatpants and second, despite the fact that I am a somewhat educated individual; the men covered in grease will stereotype me into the category of women who don’t listen to what they are desperately trying to say is wrong with my car.  I will openly admit that I know very little about cars but I am wise beyond years in the area of commissions.  Casting aside my extensive wisdom on the list of maintenance “recommendations” I know lies within my near future; I am refusing to listen to these skilled mechanics for the simple fact that I have been here FOUR times for the same problem.  It is obvious that I am not pleased with the outcome of my tires but after getting a second opinion for the source of my shaking steering wheel, I gave in (or listened) and came back to pay for the needed services.  I am guilty of not fully listening a lot of times (I refuse to add this experience to my list because this was more of a refusal to re-pay for a service than stubbornness) in my life. My dad hasn’t quite discovered the benefits of a GPS (and trust me he desperately needs to) so when I am driving to a place he has already been; he gives me very detailed directions. I have told him that my GPS will get me there on many occasions but he insists on giving me landmarks and roads I have never heard of anyway. Although I am not outwardly rebelling against the directions my dad is giving me; I am failing to listen to him. Another time I am guilty of ignoring instructions is when I am on an airplane and the flight attendant is going over the safety precautions. (I think the travel magazine beside me and the smell of brake fluid and rubber are prompting my brain to use transportation examples) I rely on the fact that I have heard them all before and know to put on my oxygen mask before helping others and if the plane I am on erupts in flames (take note that I pray before every flight); I will follow the panicked crowd of other passengers to the emergency exit. And besides finding a comfortable sleeping position and claiming the armrest are way more important than watching the demonstration of fastening a seatbelt.

My very desire to be sharing my brain (I’ve already apologized but I have read my babbles, so I will apologize again) with you is a direct result of listening to God. Sometimes it takes me a few times but I always listen. (Recently, God sent me 3 prophecies from 3 different people regarding the same thing just to make sure I was listening to what He was telling me) But how many times have I only half-way listened to God?  How many times have we all heard a sermon similar to one we heard in the past and let our mind wander to grocery lists, lunch options, or our staff meeting the following day, convinced we knew where our pastor was going with his message? Or how many times have we had an opportunity to share Christ with others and let pride or fear stop us? Why do we as Christians read the bible and believe the words contained within the pages but only listen and apply half of the directions set forth by God? Why have we all sat in our pew at church feeling the Holy Spirit tug at our hearts but refuse to walk to the alter for prayer, to worship, or to surrender because we were afraid of what the rest of our congregation would think? Why do we watch people in our lives consume their days with sin, knowing that a day of judgment awaits them and say nothing to them? We may not consider these behaviors a way of not listening to God but they are friends. A more concrete example of not listening to God is evident in one of my attempts to barter with Him.  One time I was praying to God for direction and guidance and when I was done praying; I started eating peanut butter M&M’s. As I was eating one of my favorite candies, I said, “God if I am not supposed to change my life let the next M&M I pull out of this bag be blue.” I know it sounds crazy but I was desperate for an answer (even though He had already spoken to me during my prayer). So I pulled out an M&M and of course it wasn’t blue. I needed to change and I knew it. But my desire to only half way listen to God led to me eating half a bag of M&M’s in pursuit of a blue one; in pursuit of a different answer.

Whether we are trying to ignore the Holy Spirit by putting our need to change into the probability of pulling out a specific color of M&M’s or allowing our pride and fear to come before the directions, instructions, and commands of God; we are failing to fully listen to Him. God doesn’t expect perfection and He is willing to send us reminders when needed but He does deserve our full attention every day. When God speaks don’t allow the foundation of your life to fall apart because you became content on your own knowledge and confident in your ability to understand repeated instructions.  If you do, you will find yourself in God’s service station in need of a repair. And instead of allowing our mechanic to fix you; you will be persistent in the fact that you already paid for the services you desperately need and as a result you will leave with a shaking heart and an unbalanced life. I can promise you that a malalignment in God is much worse than a shaking front tire which still remains unfixed after the fifth attempt for correction.

Verse to remember:  1 kings 8:61 But your hearts must be fully commited to the Lord our God, to live by his decrees and obey his commands at this time.

Out with the old; In with the new

Today as my grandma was assuring me I had enough time to get her a strawberry-banana smoothie before I needed to leave; I asked her if she noticed my hair cut. My grandma is very honest and uncensored and I knew that she would relay her true feelings in the most loving way possible. And she did friends. Her response to my comment was, “Your hair looks good. I like it short. It only looked bad when you had long hair.” Now may be the appropriate time to inform you that my hair was long for 22 years.  Even though she didn’t make comments on the length of my hair as I was growing up, she did comment on my hair numerous times.  In high school, I let my sister and my best friend die my hair Egyptian plum. As soon as I walked out of the bathroom, my grandma said, “you look terrible and your dad is going to kill you. She was right friends; my hair was a horrible shade of purple. (I don’t even think a clown wig should contain Egyptian plum hair coloring) And my dad wasn’t all too pleased as he sat in the stands of my summer league basketball watching his daughter shoot foul shots with plum-colored hair. (I believe he called me Dennis Rodman after the game)If this wasn’t enough to teach me the evils of over the counter hair dye; I again let my sister dye my hair. This time my do-it yourself highlights left me with a bright yellow skunk stripe down the middle of my head.  I didn’t find humor in the skunk stripe and when I went to my grandma to be comforted (I knew better) she laughed at my hair and kindly reminded me that I couldn’t re-dye it for a week.  If I didn’t love her as much as I do; I would have become very offended and upset at her comments but instead I laughed and was thankful that when the rest of the world is biting their tongue(or buying me a toboggan); my grandma was letting me know how she really felt.

Today as I laughed at all of my not so pleasant hair experiences; I was certain of one thing: I would never go back to the terrible hair-styles I had at one point in my life. I didn’t need a visual reminder of what my hair once looked like (hopefully those pictures are gone forever); a conversation with my grandma was enough. We can all agree that when we see the hair styles of our past; we laugh, we cry, we ask ourselves what our parents were thinking, and we vow never to put ourselves through that again. So why do we constantly put ourselves through the sin and hurt of our past? Why do allow our deepest hurts to resurface like pictures of our out of date hair styles?  God’s desire for all of us is to forget our past and bury our hurt and sin, never to dig it up again. When we truly ask for forgiveness; God mends our broken heart and heals the pain from our sin. He covers us with His grace and washes us with the undeserving blood of Christ. God will never dig up our past to remind us of where we have been. But He does ask us to start over and let Him do something new in us. We can’t begin the new until we allow the old to die. We must put to death to all of our impurities and all of our sins and when we bury them; we can never ever return to our burial site with a shovel. We must walk away from the mound of dirt knowing that we belong to the King. A King who will never condemn us or remind us of all we permanently buried. A King who will guide our future paths and allow us to finally feel freedom and contentment in Him. When you start to get a visual image of your past and you feel the pain and the hurt of your life and the temptation of your sin; don’t search for a shovel. Have a conversation with God.  Find peace in His presence, comfort in His words, and freedom from whatever had you bound for so long.

Today I tried my best to block out the images of my crazy hair styles of the past but was able to laugh at my beauty school mishaps. Photos of my purple hair may resurface ( especially since I have 2 sisters); but the images of my past are buried forever. God isn’t laughing at my mishaps; He is using them for His glory.

Verse to remember:

Isaiah 43:18 Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past

Isaiah 42:16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them: I will turn darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

Sitting in the lap of luxury

Last night, I had a dinner date with my favorite group of girls of all time; the BP. (ANC and BKG-G you were missed beyond description) We have been friends for 10 years and despite the challenges of remaining friends in an ever-changing life and the doubts of many onlookers; our friendship has not only remained but grown stronger over time. Last night we enjoyed good food (Meg, you have come a long way in 10 years and Britt you know how I feel about you turning from box cooking to 5-star cooking in a matter of months), needed laughs, and, of course, coffee and ML. Throughout our night we updated each other on job promotions, Christmas plans, graduations, new exercise videos, home renovations, and health conditions. We cried together over broken hearts, we thanked God for healing our children, (a child born to a mother in the BP belongs to all of us), and we laughed like little school-aged girls. Our laughter resembled the care-free spirit of a child on more than one occasion. As we sat around the table sipping on diet coke and coffee; we played Mad Libs. As one by one we gave a word that matched the required prompt, we laughed at our word choices (my personal favorite was the response fork for an exclamation word) and when the final Mad Lib was created; we laughed to the point of tears at our end result. I thought our Mad Lib Mania would be hard to outdo but I was wrong.  Later in the evening, we played paper telephone; my new favorite game.  A simple game requiring only paper and a pencil (and a friend(yours truly) who is a terrible artist) managed to keep us laughing until we could barely breath and when we thought it couldn’t get any funnier; we went from Peter Pan to a clown ninja to the Ham bungler. After almost peeing my pants on a few occasions; we all parted ways having revitalized our youth by re-living some of our favorite child hood games. (For the record, I don’t know how the sisters of Buffalo court didn’t play Mad Libs as children)

As adults, we all need a girl’s night where we laugh like little children and enjoy the ability to be care-free all over again. But more than a night of laughs, unstructured conversations, and silly moments: we all need to have days where we refresh our faith to resemble the faith of a child. As a child, you don’t worry about career choices, utility bills, unbalanced tires, or dinner options. The concept of time, responsibility, priorities, and even matching outfits isn’t thought of much less understood. Children don’t spend their days worrying, doubting, and fearing. They spend their days watching cartoons, playing with play dough, and having tea parties with their stuffed animals. And a major dilemma is deciding on whether or not they want a blue or red Popsicle. (Green was always my favorite) When they get scared or confused; they turn to their parents for guidance. When you find yourself scared or confused who do you turn to? Do you trust your heavenly father or do you possess very little faith? Last night my heart melted when my friend’s son wanted cuddle time with his mama. And just like this beautiful little boy wanted cuddle time with his mama; I want cuddle time with my heavenly father. When I am scared or defeated, or confused, or broken hearted; I want to curl up on my Lord’s lap and sit with Him for awhile. I want to spend as much time as I need lying in the lap of God; allowing Him to make everything in my life and my heart better. Not only do I believe in His truth, His love, and His faithfulness; I believe in his ability to comfort my heart like no other.  My life can’t always be full of green popsicles and fluffy cupcakes but when I renew my faith in God daily; my faith is like a little child. And instead of seeing the world as a scary, dangerous place filled with pain and hurt; I see my Father sitting on the clouds (which I long to jump on) ready to wipe away my tears and put a boo-boo train on my scrapped, bruised, and broken heart.  I see my Lord grabbing my favorite blanket preparing my place on His lap; willing to let me cuddle for as long as I need to.  

When I was a little girl, I remember standing on the high dive at the local swimming pool. As I inched my way to the edge of the diving board, with my swimmies on, I looked down to make sure my dad was treading water below, prepared to catch me.  As a grown woman, I won’t stand facing a mountain wondering if I am going to be able to climb it. I will look up knowing that if my heavenly father brought me to it; He is going to give me the best high-quality rock climbing shoes to overcome the mountain. And when I get to the top; I will inch my way to the edge making sure He is at the bottom, prepared to catch me as I jump into his lap for much needed cuddle time.

Verse to remember:  Matthew 18:3-4 And he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

I dance to the beat of His drum

Last night I was at Applebee’s for the fourth time in three weeks (my friends either need to move to Morgantown or Fairmont needs to add another late night hang out spot) but this time I was lucky enough to be a part of Karaoke night.  After I got used to screaming at the table in order to enjoy our conversations; I was able to take in the music. I can’t force myself to say enjoy the music because it wasn’t all enjoyable music friends. Some of the songs were brutal choices and some singers should have limited their singing to the privacy of their own home. But there were also some very talented musicians and I will say that a few times, I was actually impressed. The characters at my table (also known as regulars to the wait-staff at Applebees and as friends to me) and I were discussing what songs would provide the best entertainment to everyone in attendance if we were to step up to the mic (my choice was free-style beat box) when I asked the question, “what is your favorite song?” As soon as I asked the question; my mind began hating me because it is almost impossible for me to pick a favorite song. I couldn’t ignore the loud music or the laughs at my table, (and the pyromaniacs in the booth behind me) but for the rest of the night I kept getting lost in my thoughts, trying to single out my favorite song. (This should be an easy process since my music selection is limited to Dave Matthews Band and Christian music)

As I started my car to leave the parking lot, my friend who was parked beside me (favor in itself since I left my dome light on and she caught it before my battery died) commented on the song playing quite loudly from my CD player. In that brief moment the music in my life reminded me of the worship in my life. The link between these two may not seem like rocket science but to me, in that moment, I appreciated the correlation more than ever. The CD which was loud enough to be heard outside of my car refused to play in my car since my radio had been restored. A few nights ago, I was desperate to hear one of my favorite songs (I told you I can’t pick just one) that I had burned onto this CD years ago. The song was a live version of Prince of Peace. Despite the fact that I had tried to play this CD numerous times, I inserted it into the slot and instantly the beginning of the song I longed for filled my car. As I was again drawn back to the music on my CD; I knew that through my worship to God I multiply my witness for God. God provided me with more than a song I love; He provided me with the reminder that we are all put on Earth for two reasons: to worship Him and to be a witness of Him to others. And for those who have seen me jam out in my car, in my bedroom, or in my row at church; you know that I love to worship God. I love to worship Him so much that I don’t even care about the fact that my voice should never and I mean never be shared in front of others. I am constantly playing Christian music at home and in my car just so my days will be filled with the opportunity to worship God. But my worship for God isn’t limited to singing my favorite songs and making up dance moves; my worship is much deeper than that. I worship God by my intimate relationship with Him. This is where I can personally praise, adore, and thank Him for being such an awesome, awesome God. God deserves our worship friends. Are you timid when you worship God in front of others? Are you too busy worrying about your voice and your dance moves to focus on the words you are singing? Or are you pouring out your heart in pure worship to our King. Maybe your dance moves are almost as good as mine but your intimate relationship is lacking. Have you taken the time to hit your knees simply just to thank and praise God despite everything else in your life? If we give God minimal worship it is guaranteed that we will be a puny witness for His kingdom. Others aren’t drawn to the love of Christ through us if we only praise Him in the shower when no one else is looking or if we only praise Him during the high points of our lives. And under no circumstances are we going to be a good witness for the love of Christ if we don’t express the love of Christ. Our worship must be overflowing not only to be a powerful witness but to provide our God with adequate praise and adoration.

I may not be able to single out my favorite song but I can assure you that whatever words flow from my lips and whatever beat is inside my brain; my song of worship will always belong to God. And not even an out of tune voice or a lack of rhythm is going to keep me from dancing my way to the streets of gold where I can worship God forever.

Verse to remember: Isaiah 12:5-6 5 Sing to the Lord, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world. 6 Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you

Reducing my carbon footprint by expanding my Christian footprint

Today is trash day. And as I was taking my trash out last night I was again amazed at the amount of trash my neighbors have. Maybe I am naive to how much trash we really do accumulate or maybe my recycling really does make a difference. (I won’t address the fact that the city of Morgantown has still failed to provide me with a blue container) Despite lacking a blue container to conveniently sit outside every other week, I still recycle.  When my recycling bag starts overflowing, I go to the recycling center. And by overflowing I mean when my kitchen corner starts to resemble a borderline hoarder. Last night (actually, early this morning), I stuffed an empty can of diet ginger ale into one of my bags of recyclable goods. As I stood at my sink, I knew I needed to add one more glass bottle to the bag but I struggled to part with a beverage that I once loved so much. After a much needed smack in the head from God, I emptied the bottle and finally added it to my bag of recycled goods. As I was trying to make a difference by reducing my carbon footprint; God in His complete awesomness was making a difference by expanding my Christian footprint.

In order for all of us to experience true freedom in God, we must constantly add to our bags of used goods and realize when it’s time to take out the trash in our lives. I have given God bags and bags of trash and dirt throughout my life and I have allowed God to recycle broken and used items of my life for His glory. But unfortunately, I have also held onto things that needed to go. Even when I was convinced that I had been delivered from my temptations and weaknesses and the very thought of my sin made me sick to my stomach; I held on. By holding on, I gave Satan just enough room in my life to place his grimy little fingers, giving him the satisfaction of knowing he still had hope to sneak in when I was vulnerable. And he did. He crept back into my life many times , trying to destroy my hope and kill my love for Christ. And Satan will do the same to you friends. When you think you are too strong for the devil and that your will and determination will outlast his; you will fail.  You will fail because Satan will never stop trying to destroy everything you have in Christ and as soon as he sees an opening; he has you. The only way we can overcome Satan’s attempts to ruin our lives is to let him know that God has already won the battle and even though we appreciate his desire to be a part of our life, his presence isn’t welcome. Denying Satan a place in our lives isn’t as simple as firmly telling him on one occasion he isn’t welcome. Denying him requires constant obedience and constant surrender to God. Denying him requires us to get rid of EVERYTHING the devil can use against us. And all of us know that an addiction, a temptation, and a desire aren’t an easy thing to get rid of but God is greater than any addiction, temptation, or desire. That is why we MUST overflow our bags (sometimes my bags are industrial size trash bags) with the trash (sin) of our lives and allow God to cast it away forever. The best part is God also recycles. And through His recycling abilities, He uses our trash to strengthen our faith and to pad our résumé in Him. By résumé, I mean our testimony.  Through our testimonies, we will serve as members of God’s allied waste services, collecting trash from others. Through our faith and testimonies, we are not only burying Satan in filth and grim but we are expanding God’s kingdom one recycled soul at a time.

I recycle in order to make a difference in our economy but I dread separating the items in my bags at the recycling center. When it comes to the trash and recyclables of my life; I don’t try to separate them. I give it ALL to God and know that He will restore what I need and permanently remove what trash I would have tried to recycle over and over again.

Verse to remember: Philippians 3:20-21 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

I LOVE loving God...say that fast 10 times!

Yesterday morning for the second part of my four hour lecture; I learned about equipment and strategies available to autistic children who battle sensory and stimulation overloads. I paid attention to this guest lecturer partly because I have a soft spot in my heart for autistic children and partly because I too suffer from system overloads at times. As the speaker gave examples of how a child with autism would be effected by noises and distractions; I verbally made known that the vibration of a desk close to me was in fact distracting me at that very moment. Unlike this distraction, my system overloads usually occur as a result of me trying to multi-task while learning something new or engaging in an activity that requires more attention and cognition than I am giving it. And it is a given that anytime I took an Ortho practical with JP (and friends it feels so good to refer to Ortho practicals in past tense); I instantly went into system overload. Tonight as I sat with the most amazing beautifully created woman I know, I found myself in yet another system overload.  But tonight’s system overload wasn’t like my normal moments of confusion, irritability, and frustrations; it was a system overload of God’s presence. As we shared our thoughts, our fears, our testimonies, and our hearts, (and our cheese fries); I was overloaded with the presence of God in every story, every laugh, and every memory. And for the first time in my life my system overload wasn’t a result of a negative experience but instead it was the result of the most positive aspect of my life: God.

It’s no secret that not only do I love God but I love loving God. I know it’s a confusing statement but it’s a truthful statement. Every day my mind is constantly thinking of new ways to love God and my heart is constantly yearning for evening to come so I can spend time alone with God. (This in and of itself could be the cause of my system overloads) But my life didn’t always center around loving God. In fact, the moment I believed in God and the moment I truly experienced God occurred months apart.  And during those months my faith and my relationship with the Lord grew stronger but the hunger and passion to love him was very minimal. Until one night in Jamaica around a bonfire, I cried my heart out to the Lord. For the first time in my life, I surrendered ALL that I was to Him and in that moment nothing else but the love that existed between my Lord and I mattered…NOTHING. The next day I received a bookmark from a man who attended my church. As he handed it to me, he looked perplexed and somewhat timid but confident in the words he had written on the back of the bookmark. The words on the bookmark (which still marks the verse in my bible 12 years later) said: Jessica Garcia this is for you: Ephesians 6:10 The Lord understands your heart and your tears last night at the bonfire. HE LOVES YOU.  Friends, I thought I had experienced God the night before around a fire but when I sat alone holding that bookmark; God himself was towering over me. How do I know? Well, I am glad you asked. I know because I didn’t tell a single soul, not one person, my plea, my cry, my surrender, my prayer to the Lord.  The words on that sliver of paper came right from the mouth of God and in an instant I changed from loving God to loving to love God. I wish I could tell you that were enough to sustain my faith in God and enough to keep my fire alive but it wasn’t.  I was 14 then and throughout the next 12 years I cycled through periods of loving God to questioning God to doubting God to denying God. And then one night as I was desperate to experience God again, to feel the goose bumps overtake my body, to have the Holy Spirit awaken my soul, to feel the warmth of God’s breath on the back of my neck (because He was that close to me); I cried out to God in complete brokenness. For the first time since sitting around the bon fire in Jamaica, I surrendered every ounce of my being to God (I had become quite proficient at surrendering 50-75% to God before this moment). As I laid in my bed, with snot all over my face and a wet pillow from my tears; I grabbed my phone. I wanted to read God’s word but my Bible was at my apartment so I settled for an application on my phone that displays a single bible verse at a time. I hit the screen on my phone and the verse Ephesians 6:10 flashed onto my phone. It’s a good thing God was again towering over me because I was sobbing so hard: I’m almost certain I stopped breathing a few times. God could have put any verse on that screen but He chose the exact verse I needed to experience Him to the fullest. Have you truly experienced God? Have you poured out every ounce of your soul to Him, claiming that His love is enough? If you haven’t friends, you are missing out on so much. Not only is the presence of God more powerful than anything you will ever experience but by allowing yourself to experience God; you will pave the way to love loving God. I couldn’t possibly fully believe in God without truly experiencing God and neither can you friends.  By experiencing God numerous times a day, I am driven to love God with every ounce of my soul.  If you find yourself torn between doubting God and loving God; cry out to Him and without reservation. Don’t hold anything back from the one who deserves for you to love Him as much as He loves you; to the one who longs to make the hairs on your head stand straight up when you experience Him for the first time.

The system overloads of my life exist in many forms and can yield either laughter, frustration, or defeat. But when I enter the presence of God and experience Him to the fullest; I’m not able to focus on my system overload because I am too busy enjoying the love of Christ.

It wouldn’t be very nice to make you read this entire post and not chose Ephesians 6:10 as my verse to remember... Actually, I didn’t choose the verse at all, God did!

Verse to remember: Ephesians 6:10 FINALLY, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.

Too thankful for words

Yesterday afternoon I was talking to one of my friends explaining how much I love daylight savings (of course, only when I gain an hour of sleep). I went on to tell her that it is my second favorite day of the year; Thanksgiving is by far my favorite day. She looked at me puzzled and said, “Why is thanksgiving your favorite day of the year?” I will go ahead and say that she doesn’t share in my love for Thanksgiving because she turns 30 this year on Thanksgiving Day and more importantly, because she hasn’t had the privilege of eating my gram’s stuffing. My gram’s stuffing isn’t the only reason I love Thanksgiving; I embrace Thanksgiving because it gives all of us an opportunity to Thank God for all He has done and truly realize how much we have to be thankful for. And on a side note, there is no greater feeling than to lie on the couch in sweatpants (yes I wear sweatpants to Thanksgiving dinner every year) watching football with a full belly. Today I was challenged by my pastor to be thinking of all that I have to be thankful for. And all morning I tried to accurately put into words how grateful I truly am and come up with a deserving way to thank God for giving me much more than I deserve.

This afternoon, still unable to wrap my thoughts around the gifts and blessings God has given me; I sat in an exam room with a member of my family awaiting her oncologist. As he entered the room and began talking, I felt an uneasiness inside my heart. My body became faint and the back of my neck became hot and when the words: “your cancer has spread to your lungs” came out of his mouth; I felt my stomach hit the floor and the blood drain from my face.  Four times in the past 17 months, I have sat feet away from a member of my family as a doctor has delivered life changing news. For my papa and my unborn niece/nephew,  the news the doctor delivered resulted in them going home to be with Jesus. As I watched tears fall from the eyes of a brave and battered woman: I wanted to cry, I wanted to fall to my knees (in a germ infested exam room and that’s desperation friends), I wanted to scream out in pure brokenness, I wanted anything that would allow me to release the pain inside my heart. Just as all the strength I possessed was being sucked from my soul; I closed my eyes tight (so no one else would see my tears) and called upon my Lord. In that moment I simply said, “Lord it’s your piggy back partner and I am jumping on your back. I will go wherever you carry me.”  And in a moment where I had every reason to be anything but thankful; I found myself finally being able to grasp the depth of my thankfulness.  I am thankful because as I struggled to keep breathing due to the suffocating pain; my God was the one who was more powerful than anything I have ever experienced. He came to me without an invitation and without reservation not because I deserved Him but because He loves me. And He whispered in my ear, “I am the one.” He is the one friends. He is the one, who restores my strength and my joy despite my repeated pain to the evils of this world. He is the one who possesses life and love more powerful than anything on this earth and He is the one who is my everything. Despite all I lack and all I am undeserving of; He is the one who will never let go of me. His love will remain when my entire world crumbles before me. His comfort will sustain me when I want to melt away. And His promises will keep me from allowing the pain of this world to steal my joy.  

Because He is the one; I don’t have to face this world alone EVER. I don’t have to fear, I don’t have doubt and, I don’t have to suffer. I can never be overcome as long as I remain in Christ. During a year where my faith has been attacked and my strength and been tested; I am beyond thankful that my redeemer lives.  And when I feel like everything I am most thankful for is being destroyed; He whispers in my ear, reminding me that He is the only one I need and that He is with me forever. As I sit in awe of my King and weep at all I have to be thankful for; I will rejoice in not knowing the why or the how and be thankful for the Who. The Who that I am thankful to call my Lord of Lords and King of Kings!

Verse to remember: John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

From road kill to riches

This morning before 8:30 I experienced two events that made my heart hurt. The first of my unhappy moments came as I was standing in the bitter cold scrapping my car windows (of course I couldn’t find my gloves). I appreciate winter and love the first snow fall of the year but I do not like waking up extra early to allow myself sufficient time to scrap my car windows. And we will all admit that drinking coffee as your sitting inside your freezing cold car isn’t nearly as enjoyable as sipping on it with the windows down and music blaring from the radio. The second event of my morning still leaves pain in my heart and is way more traumatic than window scrapping in the cold without gloves. I hit my first squirrel in my car this morning. That little booger ran out in front of me and instead of continuing on his merry little way; he turned around and met my passenger tire. I was heartbroken and cried until I reached the interstate. I even prayed that somehow the sound under my tire wasn’t  me killing a squirrel at all but instead a rather large rock. Half-way to church, still distraught over killing an animal, I realized that I was going to see the squirrel lying on the side of my road every day until someone removed him or until the elements of winter got the best of him. I was already torn apart over my inability to stop my car in time and I definitely didn’t want a reminder in the form of road kill each day as I left my house.

Sometimes (or many times) I don’t understand why my days must contain scarring events or painful memories but EVERYTIME I turn to the giver of life and allow Him to give me whatever my life needs. And today was no exception friends. Starting my day off by killing my first animal ranks high on my list of scarring events (when I was in high school I drove without a license back to the place my mother hit a deer to make sure he wasn’t lying on the side of the road suffering) but it only took the presence of God a brief moment to speak to me in the form of road kill.  In my life, I have many friends and family members who do not know Jesus Christ as their lord and savior or who are living their lives void of a relationship with Him. And these individuals whom I love more than anything are like road kill. They will live on this Earth until one day they are removed or until the elements of this life get the best of them. The pain in my heart of watching a squirrel die could never compare to the pain of watching someone I love life their live without Jesus. And I know that when my heart aches and tears overtake my eyes and I feel intense pain for my loved ones that God is hurting SO much more. Who do you love that hasn’t asked Christ into their hearts? Which friend, family member, neighbor, or co-worker is lying on the side of the road crying out for you to save them? Don’t wait for someone else to come along and save your loved one and don’t allow those you love to face another day without telling them how much God loves them.  We don’t have to suffer and we don’t have to live a life depleted of God. He loves each and every one of us and He exists to take over all we will turn over to Him. We can’t force people to accept Christ as their savior and taste true freedom, love, and forgiveness but we can fight for those we love. We can pray for them daily and pour out our hearts to God, trusting that He will provide our loved ones exactly what they need to surrender to Him. We can also share our faith and remind them as much as we can how God wants them to experience all that He has to offer; all that we have experienced throughout our lives. When we bring those we love into the presence of God He can turn them from road kill into a member of His eternal family instantly.

Tonight when I was driving home, I took a different way home in order to avoid the spot where a dead squirrel would be lying because I didn’t want a reminder of the life I took. When I see my loved ones, I have no choice but to see a reminder of the life Christ wants to take. I know that He won’t take different paths to avoid them; He will send them on the path to meet Him. And I know that when my path crosses with theirs; I won’t leave them lying on the side of the road. I will scoop them up every chance I get and lead them to my beautiful king.

Verse to remember:  Titus 3:4-7 4 But the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done but because of His mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit. 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our savior, 7 so that, having been justified by his grace we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

Sticks and stones will never break me

Monday afternoon I combined my love for little kids with my two college career choices. My first career ambition was to be a safety engineer. I was fascinated at the thought of working at NASA one day and longed for the feeling of watching a shuttle, I helped make “safe” take flight. After a summer internship of OSHA guidelines and paperwork, I realized that a desk job bored me and I needed to interact with people for my profession. So I went to my second career choice: physical therapy. (I’ll let you know if I chose to stick this job out or not) Anyways, Monday afternoon I presented an educational activity to pre-school children on house fire safety.  As I spent the afternoon teaching them about escape plans and stop, drop, and roll; they were teaching me the world through the eyes of 4 year olds. I learned about family pets that had been named as a result of their young imaginations and I learned the value of a sword saber that protects you against adults (I am still trying to land one of those for myself). I also learned that the next time I go to a preschool, a prepared lesson isn’t necessary. I just need to remember to bring stickers and glow in the dark bracelets.

My experience brought me back to my college days where I sustained myself financially (and emotionally) by being a pre-school teacher.  And my time with these energetic care-free children reminded me of my days as a tot. The most entertaining stories from my childhood stem from my imaginary friends. (For the record, studies have been done which states children who have imaginary friends ultimately have higher IQ’s) I like to think that I set the bar high in the world of imaginary friends because one wasn’t enough; I had four. And although I had four friends, Lulie was by far my favorite. Lulie and I did everything together. Once, WE had a tea party with my grandma and WE got our tea from the toilet because WE couldn’t reach the kitchen or bathroom sink. Another time WE had to stand in the corner and WE peeled the wallpaper from as far up as we could reach to the floor. And when WE would go anywhere in the car, I would throw a complete temper tantrum if WE both didn’t have snack bags. I looked out for Lulie and made sure she got tucked in at night, got her hair washed in the bathtub, and got extra syurp on her pancakes on Saturday mornings. She returned the favor by allowing me to blame her when I made a mess, broke my sister’s toys, or lied to my parents. Even at 4, I was trying to outsmart my parents by blaming Lulie each and every time I was in trouble. I had the perfect set up until one Christmas, my dad outsmarted me. We were at a Christmas party with many other children and santa clause was passing out gifts to all of us. As I was waiting for my name to be called, santa said, “I have a gift for Lulie.” Of course, I jumped up on Santa’s lap and claimed that gift. I opened OUR gift, fully expecting to be the only child with 2 gifts, and was stunned at the contents of the shoe box.  Inside were sticks and stones. Why would Lulie be getting sticks and stones? I marched right over to my dad and said, “Santa brought Lulie the wrong gift.” To which he replied, “Santa has a good list and a bad list. Lulie is on the bad list because she is always misbehaving.” He then went on to explain that I too may be on the bad list because I’m always Lulie’s accomplice. Well friends, any four year old would do anything to get toys, games, and fun delights opposed to sticks and stones for Christmas. So like that Lulie was gone forever.

I’m certainly not a child anymore ( I can still outsmart my dad at times) but I can assure you that I know when to choose a reward opposed to a box of sticks. But how many times have I jumped up on God’s lap, expecting greatness and been handed a devastating blow?  When God gives us the choice to either change or to face the consequences, which do we do? I am not proud of the times that I traded in my obedience, my faith, my strength, my love, and my adoration for Christ because I saw an ugly result.  And I am especially not proud of the fact that God was my best friend when my life was perfect but as soon as I thought I might lose something He was gone.  Just like when I was a child, I have the perfect set up in Christ. When I am backed into a corner in life, I am not alone. When I enjoy the company of family and friends (I now prefer coffee over tea), He is right there with me. And most importantly, when I find myself in trouble; God delivers me time and time again. Why would any of us want to shut that out of our lives? When God reveals a needed change in our life or makes us aware of the reality of our actions, he isn’t trying to teach us a lesson or punish us. He is giving us the choice to live in His grace which we rarely deserve. When we see an ugly situation or open up a box and are surprised at the contents; it’s not time to rid God from our lives, it’s time to embrace the needed change and allow nothing to separate us from Christ.

I was afraid of seeing my name on the “bad list” as a child and forgot all about the only one who had shared every minute of my imagination with me. God doesn’t have a good list and a bad list but He does have a list of those names written in the book of life. So as an adult, I won’t forget about the only one who shares every minute of my life with me even when I receive a box of rocks opposed to new shoes.

Verse to remember: Colossians 2:5 For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.