The Roots of LIfe

I am supposed to be out of my apartment in two days and despite the madness of my life right now; I am going to successfully be moved out by Saturday.  Since I am dividing my belongings  between  3 different locations (my dads, a storage unit, and my new home) my packing has many steps.  After I successfully pack I have to figure out the future destination for each box. Everything I am going to need to remain somewhat functional until May is thrown in my bedroom. (My bedroom is something to behold right now but somehow my bed is made) My method was working well for me (especially at midnight  with little sleep) until I started cleaning out my desk. One item in my apartment shouldn’t contain so many important papers. (And what was my dad thinking giving me the title to my car. Isn’t that what dad’s are for?) I wasn’t struggling with immunization records, board review material, or utility stubs; I was struggling with the lone plant in my apartment.  I love all flowers and think a house is completed with plants, ferns, flowers, trees, or any other earthy potted delights but I am terrible at maintaining anything requiring sunlight, water, and occasional upkeep. In one year my poor plant has been left for an entire week in the middle of summer, (And what college student doesn’t turn their AC up to save money while they are gone), been knocked off of my desk, twice, overwatered daily, and every leave has been chewed on by my cat. I would have spared the plant long ago but it was from my pap’s funeral and I want to keep it forever. So, unfortunately for my plant, it’s future destination will be with me.

I don’t provide the best care to my plant and as a result it struggles to stay healthy and thrive but every time I think I have managed to kill it; I see green buds forming a few days later. We are exactly like my plant. We get battered, knocked down, and sometimes we feel like we have been left to die. We feel helpless in the conditions of our lives and are desperate for our giver of live to give us the nutrients we need to thrive. Everything we need to survive this world comes from God. When we root ourselves in Him; we suck up water straight from His throne. We allow the Son of the Earth to make us strong, healthy, and prosperous. When we try to sustain ourselves and cut off the nourishment to our souls from God; we will die. Over time, we will begin to wilt and fade away. We will grow weaker and eventually everything we possess will die. When God is sustaining us, we can withstand the torment and beatings from the devil; we can be dropped, kicked, pulled apart, and stepped on but we can never be uprooted. Are you allowing God to be your sole provider? Are your roots strong in him? When your flowering pot gets turned upside down are you still rooted to our true source of life?

My plant is lopsided, wilted, and chewed apart but it thrives because when I manage to bring my poor little guy close to death; I figure out ways to sustain it. My life is lopsided, my heart has been chewed apart, and my strength is wilting. But when I feel like a dying rose in the middle of a desert; I allow my roots to sustain me. I dig deep and find the core of my soul. I allow Him to overwater me and I allow the warmth of His touch to add life to my shriveled body. And just when Satan thinks he has won; I grow new green buds and wipe the smile off of his face.

Verse to remember: Job 14:7-9 7 At least there is hope for a tree: if it is cut down, it will sprout again, and its new shoots will not fail. 8 It’s roots may grow old in the ground and its stump die in the soil, yet at the scent of water it will bud and put forth shoots like a plant.

I Want More

Yesterday afternoon I started the long process of packing up my apartment. Due to an ever-changing living situation when I was an adolescent and my 3 moves during undergrad; I have an extensive moving background. Despite my packing and moving skills, I still have a long week ahead of me. Last night, I was cleaning out my closets, cabinets, and my desk. During my adventure, I found very old pictures (that will be used in the future for those in the photo), my basket of cards I have kept over the years, old journals, my tye-dye Easter egg coloring kit (I searched for this for weeks at Easter), DVD’s still covered in plastic, BP music jam CD’s, and books…endless amounts of cookbooks and textbooks. I had cookbooks everywhere: under my bed, on top of my refrigerator, in my kitchen cabinets, and the worst part is I got 3 more for Christmas. I knew I had quite a collection of textbooks from PT school (especially since I was borderline obsessive/paranoid during my first semester and bought every required, recommended, suggested, and similar book there was) but I didn’t realize I would need a small army to carry my boxes of textbooks. (Book boxes are always my least favorite) When I finally went to bed last night (I think I outlasted my upstairs neighbors); I was certain of two things: I needed more than 24 hours in a day and I had more cookbooks and textbooks than one person should accumulate in a lifetime.

If I had more hours in the day, I would sleep longer, take time to enjoy a pot of coffee (yes, a pot), enjoy the comfort of my sweatpants longer, and add a bubble bath to my daily routine. I can’t add more hours to my day but I dream about an extra 10 hours added to my days. And this morning as I was sitting in an apartment full of boxes, clutter, and cat hair; I thought about delighting in wanting more. Not more hours in a day but more of God. My very desire to have hours added to my day is a result of giving more of myself but I want to give more to God. I want to be used for His kingdom more, I want more responsibility in Christ, I want more to add to my resume (testimony) in Him, I want more opportunities to win souls for my King, and I want to bear more fruit.  In order for me to get more in Him; I must be willing to go wherever He sends me, I must continually sharpen my sword, and I must keep giving more to Him. I must spend my days, searching for ways to give more of my time, efforts, love, resources, tithes, and abilities to Him. Do you want to give more to God? Do you have a desire to see other’s accept Christ as their savior? If you do, spend time alone with Him and examine your heart. Ask Him how you can give more.  Tell Him you want more and watch as He adds to every area of your life.

I refused to celebrate the beginning of 2010 because I knew my pap’s time on Earth was coming to an end and 2010 would be a difficult year for me. And his death was just the beginning of the pain I experienced this year. For the next 11 months I kept getting more: more pain, more heartache, more grief, more defeat, more fear, and more emptiness. But as soon as I surrendered to God; He replaced all of my brokenness with more of Him. Because He gave more; my heart was healed and I could begin to give more of myself again. I am not going to start 2011 with more hours to my day but I am going to start the New Year by wanting more. My quest to want more in God may take away from the enjoyment of extra hours of sleep, extra cups of coffee, and added bubble baths (long bubble baths). But sacrificing my favorite indulgences for the one who gave it all for me is just the beginning of what I am willing to give for more of Him.

Verse to remember:  2 Corinthians 9:6-7 Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will reap generously. 7 Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.  

Many names:One Identity

For the past 9 days I have spent as much time as possible with my sister who was home for Christmas. Fortunately, my brother-in-law is also from West Virginia so they spend every holiday here but his family lives an hour and a half away from the big city of Mannington (I usually make it in an hour) so they have to split their time between families.  During my time with her, we made 12 dozen cookies, ate at my favorite Italian restaurants ( sometime next month I’ll be able to fit back into my jeans), wrapped presents, celebrated her nephew’s birthday, finished our last minute shopping, had a grandmother’s day out, and ended Garcia family fun day as game night champions. My week with her was fantabulous and I was so thankful that the Garcia sister triangle was complete again! (It is always complete but I like it better when we are all in the same time zone)  I can’t pick a favorite memory from the week but I can tell you one of the funniest moments. My sister went with me to one of my gram’s chemotherapy appointments. During her 45 minute treatment we talked about my sister’s ultrasound the next day, possible baby names, and shower ideas. My gram’s nurse (who has seen me every day for 3 weeks) joined our conversation many times as she was taking care of my gram. The next day when I was at my gram’s appointment alone, her nurse asked me what time my ultrasound was. A lady who had seen me every day for 3 weeks and clearly knew I wasn’t pregnant asked me when my ultrasound was! (a definite sign to cut back on my Christmas cookies) When I answered with, “my sister is having an ultrasound not me” she realized her mistake and laughed at her inability to tell us apart. This wasn’t the first time I have been confused for my sister (I got asked the question: Do you write for the Times West Virginian for 3 years) and it definitely won’t be the last but it was one of the most memorable.

Growing up with 2 sisters, I got called a mixture of all of our names (my favorite was always Abjay) and my identity was mistaken with my sisters on a weekly basis. I don’t mind when I innocently get called the wrong name or mistaken for one of my sisters because if I had to be anyone else for a day they would be among those I would be proud to represent. Have you ever been mistaken for someone else? Or more importantly, have you ever mistaken someone else for Jesus?  Jesus may have many names but there is only one Jesus. There is only one who hears you when you call out to Him, there is only one who gave His life for you, there is only one who paved the way for us, there is only one can set you free. It doesn’t matter if you call Him Abba Father, Lord of Lord, King of Kings, Alpha and Omega, Redeemer, Savior, Messiah, or Prince of Peace as long as you know that He is the only one.  When you have Jesus in your heart, He can’t be mistaken friends. His name will become more precious to you than any other. His name will be the name that holds the key to your happiness, your freedom, your peace, your identity, your comfort, your satisfaction, and your fulfillment. When you hear the name Jesus what do you think of? Perhaps you see the cross or an empty tomb or the miracles of the bible. When I hear the name Jesus, I think of the one who is life. I am drawn to the one who gave me life, restored my life, and sustains my life. Jesus is the name I depend on when I am in a battle.  Jesus is the name I trust when the world tells me no. Jesus is the name that delivers me from pain and sadness. Jesus is the name that comforts me when my heart is broken. Jesus is the name that loves me unconditionally. Jesus is the name stamped on my heart forever.  .

I am terrible at remembering names (I called someone the wrong name at church today) and I try to repeat someone’s name when I first meet them in hopes of remembering it in the future. Because of my inability to remember names, I have a larger sense of understanding when I get mistaken as one of my sisters.  I call Jesus many names and I can’t pick a favorite but I can tell you that mere mention of His name fills my heart with unspeakable joy. When my heart is in need all I have to do is remind myself that His name is Jesus. His name is Jesus and I love Him more than anything. And because I love Him so much; Jesus is the only name I will never mistake with any other.

Verse to remember: Psalm 8:10 Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Happy Birthday Jesus

Today is my savior’s birthday. And part of my birthday celebration includes cooking a feast for my family and friends. I prepared my menu earlier in the week (I checked it with my grandma because I may be the cook but she has the final say) and spent all day in the kitchen.  After many hours of cooking, my meal was complete (I should have stuck to crescent rolls; my homemade rolls still need some work). As I watched my family fill their plates; I filled my eyes with tears. Today was the first time in my life I celebrated Christmas without my pap. My Christmas Eve dinner preparations began without him commenting on my strong coffee and reminding me of the time I caught my oven on fire during my first attempt to cook a ham (never use a foil roasting pan…EVER) as we laughed over my strong coffee.  And my Christmas Eve dinner ended without him raving on the meal I had prepared (I didn’t make green beans and almonds this year because last year they were the only thing he didn’t like) and asking me what pies we had for dessert as everyone else was  too full to think of dessert. I missed my pap during every second of today but I missed him most as I attended my church’s candle light ceremony alone. I missed my grandma commenting on his uncombed hair and stained undershirt as I walked out the door, I missed his deep singing voice standing beside me, I missed his unsteady hand on my shoulder as I lit my candle, I missed his smile and look of contentment as the pastor spoke, and I mostly missed sharing my favorite part of Christmas Eve with the only member of my family who appreciated the true meaning of Christmas as much as me.

I have two favorite Christmas memories of my pap from last year. My first one came a few days before Christmas when my pap’s preacher was visiting. They were talking alone in my living room and I overheard him tell his preacher, “I know you’re here because you are worried about me but I feel sorry for you because I am going to meet Jesus first.” And my second one came on Christmas Eve when all four of my pap’s grandchildren were laying with him in his bed because he was too weak and tired to join the rest of my family in the living room. My grandma came in and asked him what he was doing and he said, “I’m lying with my four angels.”  As I held my candle and watched the flame shine brightly tonight in my dark church sanctuary; I cried and I had my first memory of a Christmas Eve service without my pap. But my memory wasn’t sadness; my memory was the promise that one day I will stand next to my pap again holding a candle, singing our favorite old hymns. But this time my candle won’t be the only representation of the light of the world. Jesus himself will be standing with us.  Jesus is the light of the world friends. Because He came to this earth, we no longer have to live in darkness. He came to set all of us free and to be the light that shines within our hearts. The shadows of this world will never overpower us if we shine brightly in Christ. His light will lead the way; all we have to do is follow Him. Jesus laid down His life at the cross and He is the only one who can overcome all of Satan’s attempts to dim the light the shines in us when we believe in Jesus.  Is Jesus the light of your life? Does He shine within your soul and radiate from every fiber in your being? Christmas is the perfect time to allow Christ to renew the flame within your heart. It’s the perfect time to allow the light of the world to spread his love both within you and through you. It is the perfect time to acknowledge the beauty of the King of all the Earth who shines brighter than all the rest.

Tonight, I have the same two favorite memories of my pap on Christmas. I know that my pap has met Jesus and I know that he is lying with his angels. I know that as I watched each candle in my church burn representing the light of the world; my pap was standing with the true light of the world. I know that Jesus is having His best birthday yet because he is celebrating it with my pap for the first time. I missed my pap from the moment I woke up and brewed my strong coffee (my pap has most definitely been given the responsibility of head barista in Heaven) and as I watch my clock hit 4:00 am; I am still missing him. But my sadness diminishes when I envision my pap standing with the light of the world. My sadness diminishes because I know that Jesus is shinning upon me and when I shimmer and shine brightly; my reflection makes everything beautiful again. 

Verse to remember: John 1:3-5 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of the of men. 5 the light shines in darkness but the darkness has not understood it.

Double Birthdays

Today, I officially met my little Gum nugget. By Gum nugget, I mean my little niece or nephew. My sister is in for Christmas and since her mother-in-law works for the radiology department at a hospital; she was able to get an ultrasound in WV. (She has had her normal ultrasounds and appointments in Houston) She was excited for all of us to go with her since it would be the only opportunity we would have to experience this part of her pregnancy with her. It’s a good thing the ultrasound technician knew my sister’s in-laws otherwise she may have been overwhelmed when there were 6 of us in the exam room. As we entered the exam room, (in a single file line) I began to feel faint. I was instantly drawn back to a similar exam room I had entered in August. An exam room where I received the news that someone I loved had lost their 10 week old fetus.  I stood by my sister with mixed emotions and my heart in my throat. I don’t remember closing my eyes but I remember hearing the words, “look there is a foot” and my eyes popped opened. And I saw my Gum nugget. An alien had never looked more beautiful.  He/she was perfect and very squirmy. In thirty minutes, I saw the legs, the feet, and the developing brain. (I even saw the tiny body bounce with a hiccup). After we had looked at every view, organ, limb, and body part the technician said, “let’s hear the heartbeat.” All of my excitement was halted and I found myself praying.  I was praying to hear a heartbeat. I was praying for my previous memory of an absent heartbeat to be replaced with the lub-dub sound of a developing heart. I was praying for a little life that had captured my heart within moments. And half way through my prayer, I heard a 5 second sound clip of a beating heart.  My little Gum nugget was strong and healthy and despite the sadness in my heart for my little baby Bray; I was overjoyed.

I think it is impossible to exclude joy from the list of emotions we feel when we find out someone we love is having a baby. And that joy is multiplied when we experience the birth of a beautiful little baby (Or Gum nugget. As soon as the sex is determined, my Gum nugget will have a name). I also think it is impossible to have even the slightest bit of joy when you receive news that someone you love has had a miscarriage. I have experienced both this year and as I was having some alone time (of course I was driving) I thought of a woman who experienced a similar situation. She didn’t have a miscarriage. In fact, she gave birth to a King. She didn’t experience the loss of her unborn child. In fact, the birth of her child was the most miraculous birth ever recorded.  But she did watch her son die. She watched Him be crucified on a cross. Mary watched Jesus hang on the cross and take His last breath. I can’t even imagine how she could physically, mentally, or emotionally withstand such an event. But because I have personally experienced the genuine awesomeness of Christ, I like to believe that she watched the crucifixion of Christ because in her heart she was certain of His genuine awesomeness as well. She knew that He was more powerful than the cross; she knew that He was in fact the son of God; she knew that the cross wasn’t the end.  But did she know that on that day her son would die? Did she know the extent of the pain that awaited her? Did she know that in 3 days He would rise again? Did she know that the pain of the cross was going to be replaced with the joy of life? The cross doesn’t represent death; it represents life. Jesus went to the cross fully knowing He was going to die. But He also knew that we wouldn’t always remember the cross as just His death. He knew that once we asked Him into our hearts; we would see the cross as life. Our new life in Him; Our life that we inherited ONLY because he went to the cross.  Because of His death, we have been born again. And like any birth, our birth contains unspeakable joy. On the day of our personal salvation, I know it is impossible to exclude joy from the list of emotions we feel. Do you have a birthday of salvation in Christ? Have you experienced joy in its purest form?  If not, today is your day. Jesus is waiting to replace the pain of the cross with a new life in Him.

Until today, the picture of an ultrasound reminded me of death.  Even the word ultrasound brought back memories of a dying child. But today when I saw my little Gum nugget touching his/her face and heard the tiniest heartbeat ever; an ultrasound reminded me of the gift of life. Until July 22, 1998, the cross reminded me of death. But on that day when I asked Christ into my heart; I was born again and reminded of the gift of life. And for days the only emotion I was certain of was joy. The joy that will come when I finally meet my little Gum nugget (Hurry up June 16^th) will never compare to the joy of sharing the gift of salvation with my niece/nephew one day.

Verse to remember: Revelation 21:5 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” The he said, “write this down for these words are trustworthy and true.” 6 He said to me, “It is done. I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life.”

Clues from the Heart

Yesterday was Garcia/Gum family fun day. For the past three years, my dad has gotten WVU basketball tickets for a game when all of us would be home for Christmas.  So our day started by watching my beloved mountaineers put a stop to Cleveland State’s unbeaten record.  (Thanks to Cam the Man’s career highs in minutes, assists, and points) After the game we went to dinner. And when your brother in law lives in Houston, the only option available is Keglers. It’s a good thing he only gets to go a few times a year because the man ate 30 chicken wings yesterday. He may have eaten more but they were closing early for a private party. My favorite part of the day wasn’t  a WVU victory, or the hot honey barbeque wings (I only ate 8); it was game night. I love playing games, especially with my sister and brother in law. They are both brilliant (my little gum nugget is going to be the smartest child alive) and they would rather eat shards of glass than lose to one another. For our family game night, the teams were: the Garcia sisters Vs. my dad and brother in law. The first game we played was Nameburst and to say that the Garcia girls won wouldn’t exactly be accurate. It’s more like the Garcia sisters completely destroyed the boys! They may beat us when it comes to changing oil and naming quarterbacks from the early 70’s (yes, I am still mad at myself for missing that question) but I know that when trying to get my sister to guess Caesar, you give the clue: my favorite salad opposed to the most famous Roman general. All the brains in the world can’t compete with years of sister bonding. Unfortunately, years of sister bonding didn’t help me much for our next game. We played catch phrase music edition which is similar to catch phrase except every clue is a song. So, to get your teammates to guess the song, you sing, whistle, or hum the song. Deficit one: I am a terrible singer and I can’t whistle. Deficit two: 95% of the music I listen to is either Christian artists or Dave Matthews, neither of which were on this game.  Every time it was my turn, I would laugh at my sister’s reaction to my attempts to give clues. (I don’t care what she says; my rendition of Benny and the Jets was stellar). And every time I was holding the game disk, she was laughing at my inability to know the song choice. Fortunately for me, my sister is a musical genius.  And not only was she able to sing 99% of her songs (complete with dance moves), leading me to the right answer; she was able to guess the song Milkshake without me singing, humming, or whistling a single note.

My family doesn’t share my love for Christian music so they weren’t struggling for ways to give clues to their teammates during Catch Phrase. (and they definitely weren’t laughing as much as me either) I may have been struggling during the second part of game night (maybe now would be a good time to tell you that my sisters and I also won Catch Phrase) because I didn’t know the song lyrics but I don’t struggle through life because I know Jesus. How many people in your life are constantly stuck in a struggling state because Jesus is as foreign to them as the U2 lyrics are to me? How many times do we interact with loved ones and never explain Jesus to them? When we asked Jesus into our hearts, he planted a seed. He planted a seed for us to love Him and He planted a seed for us to share His love with others. We can’t assume that people in our lives know Jesus. And we definitely can’t allow them to go around singing the words of Christianity without knowing the artist of the song.  When you take the time to share your faith with those you love, you will be surprised at how many people in your life have never accepted Christ into their hearts. Sometimes, we have to give clues to those we love in order to plant seeds. Sometimes, we have to say, “let’s pray” before eating a meal with individuals who never pray. Sometimes, we have to invite others to church repeatedly. (When someone declines my offer(s), I can’t wait to come back and tell them: God was at my church this morning and you missed him.) Sometimes we have to buy devotional books just because we know someone we love is going through a hard time and the gift of Christ’s love is the best gift we can give. Sometimes, we have to e-mail them Christian blogs. (Especially when we know they check their e-mail daily) And unfortunately sometimes clues aren’t enough. We must look them straight in the eye and ask them, “If Jesus would descend upon the Earth this very second, would you be among those who inherit the kingdom of Heaven forever?” And if they seem unsure or say no, get your shovel ready because you most definitely have a seed to plant.

To properly lead your teammates to identifying a song in Catch Phrase requires a decent knowledge base in many genres of songs and semi-decent singing abilities.  If you don’t have either you are in for a long entertaining night filled with random clues and random song lyrics. In order to properly lead those we love to Jesus requires us to have a decent knowledge base in Him and requires us to sing songs of praise to Him always. If you don’t know Jesus personally, you are in for a long defeating life. Don’t give random misleading clues when it comes to Jesus. Be direct, be honest, and be wise: Be the one who wins a soul for Jesus. I managed to share the victory of grand champ on game night because in 26 years I have developed a relationship with my sisters that only we can understand. I share a victory with Christ every night because we have a relationship that only we can understand. I don’t like sharing the title of family game night champion but I will share the title of champion in Christ every time I see someone struggling to correctly identify the artist of the music that will touch their hearts.

Verse to remember: Psalm 21:1 O Lord, the king rejoices in your strength. How great is his joy in the victories you give!

A Beginning Without an End

Tomorrow morning, I will turn in my last final exam (God, if your plan involves more schooling; let me down easy) and say goodbye to the 8^th floor of the HSC.  Of all the times I pictured this actually happening, I didn’t account for the sadness that will surround me.  I actually imagined every other emotion. I yearned for the satisfaction of completing the classroom requirements for a demanding program. I envisioned the pure enjoyment of filling in my student ID for the last time. I pictured the slip-N-slide I wanted to make in the hallway for my classmates and I to enjoy after we finished. I delighted in the long (an entire day) nap I could finally enjoy. And I tasted the freedom from 2 ½ years of complete madness. I didn’t account for sadness because the joy of these emotions painted a better picture for my final day of school. By ignoring sadness; I ignored the fact that the individuals who also suffered through an entire summer of electrotherapy, who got tricked by DSD true/false test question, who turned the plinth lab into their second apartment, who tripled their caffeine consumption, and who understand the comment, “if it walks like a duck, quacks, like a duck, and acts like a duck; it must be a spine” would be void from my life until May when we graduate. By ignoring sadness; I failed to realize how hard it would be to say goodbye to 29 of the most amazing people I have ever met.

As I laid in my bed, debating on whether or not to wash my sheets tonight (the idea of putting the sheets back on gets me every time), I began examining the contents of my room. And then I realized that in a few short weeks, I would be packing all of these contents up in boxes and saying goodbye to the walls of 845. The walls that tolerate my early morning concerts, ( I love to sing and play the air guitar daily) the walls I accidently put holes in with my hammering skills, the walls that contained my friends and family on many occasions, and the walls that understand my temper tantrums, my tears, my laugh, and my life. Over the course of my time spent in Morgantown, I have left my impression within the walls of both the HSC and my apartment and as hard as it is to say goodbye; I know that my memories will live on forever.

Saying goodbye in any form is never an easy thing to do. Change will always bring with it an array of emotions. And no matter how hard we try, it is impossible to hold every memory in our hearts. How awesome would it be, if we never had to say goodbye? If our lives never contained the sadness that accompanies closing a chapter to our lives. Friends, that awesomeness exists in the form of heaven. One day we will never have to worry about packing up our belongings and leaving friends behind. Heaven will be our home forever. And the memories made in our eternal home will replace the best memories made on Earth. Every time of change, every new beginning, every, moment of sadness experienced on Earth will disappear and we will be left with the everlasting bliss. Is heaven your home? Dose the golden city have a mansion made just for you? Will you be spending eternity in the only place unfamiliar with the word goodbye?  If heaven is your forever home, are the people you are most thankful for going to share in your awesomeness? Once we reach heaven, we will dance (and play the air guitar) among the streets of gold forever and it will be too late to tell our friends what awaits them. The sadness we experience when we move across the country from our family and friends is devastating and it takes months, sometimes years, for the pain of missing them to go away. Now imagine the pain of watching God himself, tell your loved one; “I do not know you. Depart from me.”  Don’t wait to share Jesus with your friends. Don’t deny those you love most of the only forever promised to us. Don’t let them live their entire lives thinking that every ending is truly the end.

Tomorrow, sadness will most definitely be present as I say goodbye to the walls of a classroom inside the HSC and sadness will be present on January 1, 2011 when I shut the door to my apartment for the last time but my sadness won’t last forever. Because as soon as I see Jesus face to face and enter heaven; my final chapter will begin. A chapter that doesn’t contain one ounce of sadness or an ending.

Verse to remember: 2 Corinthians 4:16-17 Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Power of Positive Thinking

Today marks the beginning of my last finals week ever! In just two short days, I will say goodbye to long days of studying, sleepless nights, bubble sheets, and final exams. And it is a good thing because I am officially burnt out by school. I have taken close to a hundred final exams in my life and today as I tried desperately to focus on the two exams I have tomorrow; I struggled to stay positive. Reminding myself that I only had 3 exams left wasn’t enough to make financial budgeting, risk management, and amputation socket types interesting or worth my time. So half way into our study session, Amy and I, decided that every time we were negative we had to stop ourselves and be positive instead. Our reaffirmation of thankfulness quickly began to get out of control and add a constant distraction of laughter to our already struggling study session. Our entire afternoon was spent being thankful for budget sheets, guest lecturers on subject matter not relevant to our profession, definitions we didn’t understand, legal infrastructure, and ,of course, orthotics.  In the process of verbally being thankful for our test material, we had quite possibly the most entertaining study session of our PT career. (I should also add that it was also quite possibly the most unsuccessful study session we ever had) The material of our notes didn’t surpass the cups of coffee, the Eatin Park cookies, the Java Milkshakes, or the lunch combo at Zen Clay Café (yes we went to two different Restaurants today). And nothing could ever surpass our friendship. But because we choose to be thankful for material we hope to never see again; our study session will be remembered long after our epic fail in the morning.

I ‘m not truly thankful for final exams or classes that aren’t specific to my profession but I am thankful for the purpose behind them. I am thankful that one day, I will make a difference in other’s lives through the profession of physical therapy. I am thankful for the abilities to be considered qualified for such a profession. I am thankful for the experience of PT school. I am thankful that each study session, each panic attack, each confusing moment, each long class (and trust me there were a lot, each final exam, and each memory were shared with my best friend.  Physical therapy school, just like everything else in my life, was part of God’s purpose for my life. Every part of our lives is specifically designed for His ultimate glory. We can’t always see the purpose. We don’t always understand the material. And we most definitely don’t always choose to be thankful. But with God we should never struggle to stay positive. We should spend our days just like I spent my study session; turning every negative thing we see, feel, and experience, into something positive. Knowing that God has our entire lives planned out should be enough to erase every negative thought from our heads. But unfortunately life doesn’t work that way and neither do our brains. It takes us awhile to see the greater purpose behind our current situation; it takes us awhile to admittingly be thankful for things that make us miserable. We are in control of our own misery friends. Don’t spend your days being miserable. Don’t waste the enjoyment of each day by seeing everything negatively. When you want to exchange your family for a new one, be thankful that you have siblings instead of being an only child. When deadlines and rude co-workers make you want to quit your job, be thankful that you can support yourself financially. When your house needs repairs, be thankful that you have a place to call home. Be thankful that although you can’t see the purpose behind your life; God does. Be thankful that positive things will always fill your days as long as you trust Him.

 Today, I have completed the phrase, “I am thankful for…” with everything imaginable not just to make my long day of studying enjoyable but because I needed to reaffirm my purpose from God. I needed to remind myself that test scores don’t define my success in life. I needed to appreciate the details of PT school. I needed one more memory to add to my collection. I needed one more opportunity to tell God that no matter where His plan takes me in life; I know that the true purpose for physical therapy school was to meet Amy Lancaster. And there aren’t enough R’s of Risk Management or components of fiscal statements to make that purpose negative.

Verse to remember: Acts 2:25-28 25 David said about him: “I saw the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. 26 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will live in hope, 27 because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy one see decay. 28 You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.

6 Random Facts: 1 simple truth

This weekend the newest member of the BP, by way of marriage, ran in his first ever marathon. Can you even imagine running a marathon? The thought alone makes my body ache and brings a slight hint of nausea to my stomach. I would never want to torture myself like that but for this man; it was a lifelong dream. He had been training for months and when the day finally came; he was ready. And after 4 hours; he crossed the finish line. He critiqued his performance and will be recuperating from DOMS for a few days but nothing will change the fact that he can add, finishing a marathon to his list of credentials. If I ever finished a marathon, I would introduce myself as: Jay Garcia, a successful marathon runner. In fact, I may start introducing him to people as a successful marathon runner! I can assure you, (unless God has a miracle in store for me) that I will never add the title of marathon runner to my name. But my friend’s marathon running did remind me of something I started to do when I meet new people. I like to ask them a question. If meeting me isn’t an experience in itself; I ask “strangers” to tell me 6 things about their self. Complete random facts. Every ones response is the same: “6 things? I don’t know 6 things.” They can’t possibly be serious. How could anyone not know 6 things about their self? I could tell you 6 million random useless pieces of knowledge about myself. And because my life is one complete random act after another, I play the game first. (Completing a marathon reminded me of this game because 1 of my 6 facts would always be: I’ve ran a marathon) I rattle off the first 6 things that I think of. For example: 1. I hate shaving both of my legs at the same time so I usually don’t. 2. I cannot under any circumstances sleep without some type of white noise; my preference is a fan. 3. Licking envelopes makes me want to vomit. 4. I like eating cold pasta better than hot pasta. 5. I used to talk to my shampoo bottles as a child. 6. I still sleep with a stuffed animal.  In two minutes, I taught you 6 things about my life.  In two hours, I could teach you 600 things but don’t worry I am done filling your brain with my random life facts. I don’t play this game so people learn how silly I truly am (they learn that soon after meeting me); I play this game so I can show people that I genuinely want to know about them. I genuinely care about their life and what is important to them. I genuinely never meet a stranger so this game is my first step in making a new friend.

Jesus plays the same game with us. The only difference is He already knows us. He would put us to shame with His knowledge of our lives. So He doesn’t ask us six questions about ourselves. He asks us just one question about Him: Do you know me?  He isn’t interested in how many stories you can recite about His life or the details you have learned by attending church or reading your bible. He wants to know if you truly know Him? Is Jesus more than just words on a page of a bible you keep hidden under your bed? Does your knowledge go beyond the interpretations you have heard from others? Do you intimately know Jesus? Or are you getting blown away in the question game. Do you struggle to find one thing you know of the one who created you and who gave life to your spirit? I know many random facts about myself but I also know Jesus personally. For example: 1 I know that He will tell me things twice because I struggle to listen the first time. 2. I know that His love heals my broken heart. 3. I know that He loves when I pray to Him in the shower. 4. I know He laughs when I play tug-or-war with Him before letting go of the rope. 5. I know that He delights in being called my piggy back partner. 6. I know that He sees the depths of my heart.  I know many things about Jesus because I have a relationship with Him. I know Jesus personally because He lives in my heart and each day I live for Him alone. Although I know Jesus; He reveals new things about himself to me each day. I will never beat Him at the question game but I keep playing. Each new random fact I learn about my savior stays within my heart and when I meet a new friend and scare them with my random trivia; I can redeem myself by sharing with them the only piece of valuable knowledge I possess: Jesus.

Verse to remember: John 14:6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you really knew me, you would know my father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

It is finished

A requirement for physical therapy school is to design and complete a research project. So, for two years I have been working with three other classmates (also my favorite friends in the class) on our research thesis. We began our study last year and since that time we have managed to successfully carry out an entire research study. We spent the majority of last week finalizing our brilliantly created masterpiece in preparation for our presentation on Friday afternoon. Each day we made edits, re-read articles, discussed our conclusions, checked our final statistical analysis, and prepared the required materials. After 2 years of hard work and an entire week of frantically trying to perfect our finished product; we submitted our poster and presentation to our mentor.  She kindly e-mailed us back with many needed changes and many “suggestions” for improvement before we presented to the department. Despite our frustrations and our lack of desire to make the changes; we did. As a group we decided that we had put too much blood, sweat, and tears into our project to quit now. So we re-printed our poster and put another 3 hours into our presentation.  At the point of pure delirium, we parted ways Thursday night, prepared to face our professors and defend our work the next afternoon. And yesterday we did just that. We stood in front of our classmates and professors and presented our work. After answering all of the questions from the firing squad (our professors); we were done.  As we sat back in our desks, we made a toast with our water bottles. As we toasted; we said, “It is finally finished.”  Late last night, I received a text from one on my research partners and good friend saying: we received a perfect score on our presentation.  In an instant, all of our hard work, all of our disappointments, all of our late night preparations, all of our frustrations, all of our defeats, and all of our stress vanished and I was celebrating our victory. (my celebration consisted of sleeping for 15 hours)

For two and a half years, I have been striving for one goal educationally:  to earn my doctorate of physical therapy degree and yesterday when my research project was completed; I had overcome the last major hurdle in reaching that goal. From the beginning of Jesus’ life; he had one goal. To live a perfect life and endure the cross so we could all have eternal life. All of His miracles, all of His hard work, all of His love, all of His preparations vanished as He was nailed to the cross. In an instant, He was betrayed, He was mocked, He was beaten, He was tortured: He was crucified. When he said, “It is finished”; He meant it. He meant that His purpose had been fulfilled and that He had permanently and finally paid it all. And because He paid it all; there is victory in Heaven. Each and every one of us has our own victory. We have our own redemption story. We have our own encounters with Jesus. We have our own celebrations. We have a savior. When was the last time you celebrated your victory? When was the last time you allowed everything but Jesus to vanish? Or maybe you haven’t ever tasted true victory in Jesus. Maybe the one who claimed victory doesn’t live within your heart. Knowing Jesus doesn’t require years of hard work, frustrations, defeats, and late night preparations.  It requires acknowledging that He is our savior who died for our sins and inviting Him into your heart.  Jesus wants you to taste true victory. He wants you to make a toast and say, “it is finally finished.”

When I started physical therapy school; I wanted to quit many times. In fact, I was convinced that after my gross Anatomy class was over; I was finished. I didn’t enjoy anything about school and I no longer wanted to endure the evils that came along with becoming a physical therapist. And just as I was about to quit for good; I saw the cross. I saw the cross and knew that as Jesus hung there; he endured because he knew what lied ahead. My research project is just one example of the many ways I have endured over the past 2 ½ years. My perfect score isn’t my only victory; my victory is found in the one who endured the cross, allowing me to endure all things and celebrate with Him in Heaven one day soon.

Verse to remember: John 19:30 Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

Gentlemen Start Your Engines

 For the past three days I have been driving my grandma’s car because my old trusty Honda Civic was getting fixed. (My tire situation has taught me that in my next life, I will screen my best friends and the only ones who make the cut will be mechanics.) My life wouldn’t operate without a vehicle so I am beyond thankful for her willingness to let me use her car freely. (And you all should be thankful too; my grandmother behind the wheel is bad news) By using my grandma’s car, I experienced a new adventure every day (What story regarding her isn’t an adventure) beginning with the fact that she didn’t want me to adjust her side mirrors. Normally, I would change them and give my best attempt at returning them to the normal starting position but, if I did, she may run over someone. So I drove for three days using only my rearview mirror. My next adventure came on Tuesday night when I was driving home. I knew I needed gas but I have a bad habit of waiting until the orange gas tank appears to stop and fill up my tank. The Chevy Malibu doesn’t have an orange gas tank like my Honda Civic; it has an annoying dinging. And this dinging lasted for a few miles before it occurred to me that maybe the dinging was related to my empty tank. Don’t worry friends, I didn’t run out of gas but I was laughing at the thought of being stranded on the side of the Interstate as I quickly drove to the next exit.( my fast driving skills paid off this time) And the night gets better. When I finally made it home after being gone for 12 hours; I came inside my apartment only to be startled by a car alarm a few moments later.  The longer the alarm went off, the louder it became. After a solid five minutes of a blaring alarm, I went to my front door to see whose car was making this disturbing noise. I didn’t have a chance to be annoyed at the person too careless to silence their own alarm because as soon as I approached my door; I saw my car lights blinking. When I threw my keychain on my kitchen counter and put my backpack on top of the keys (my usual routine when I return home), I set off the panic button on my grandma’s key alarm. I didn’t consider that the alarm going off could be mine because I was used to my car which doesn’t have a car alarm.  As much as I enjoyed driving a car with a V6 engine (and the smell of Misty lights and Gold Dazzle perfume), I was glad to get my car back last night (control arm bushings fixed and all).

I appreciate laughter in all forms so my car swap experience was enjoyable to me. Even though I have been driving for almost 10 years; I found myself clueless to the differences that existed between vehicles. Years before I began driving (I didn’t get my license until I was 18), I began loving Christ. And throughout my walk with him; I have led myself without his mirrors(bad idea friends), I have tried to run my life without the fuel that keeps me alive, and I have ignored repeated alarms, signs, and flashing lights that symbolized trouble.  There wasn’t a difference is Christ. There was a difference in me. Jesus waited patiently on me as I tried every make, model, and color of life I wanted. He continued to send other drivers on the new roads I was testing, He continued to pick up the wrecked cars I left behind, and He continued to use the best parts of each car I test drove. As I was racing around, trying to make sense of the differences in my life; Jesus loved me. He knew I was clueless. But he also knew that I had driven the best make and model available. Unfortunately, when we allow anything to come before our love for Jesus; we are stuck at the starting line. We can drive all of the sports cars we want; but we will never go anywhere. We need to run out of gas once in awhile and have “fender benders” in Christ to keep ourselves grounded in Him. We need change and direction in order to grow in Him. But we can’t settle for the differences in our lives that occur when we put Jesus in the trunk opposed to the driver’s seat.

We have all heard the saying; “it’s just like learning how to ride a bike.” Referring to the fact that once we learn a new task we will never forget it. There aren’t exceptions to this phenomenon and we apply it over and over again throughout our lives. So why would we stop applying this concept when it comes to Jesus?  Jesus will NEVER be different. And once we learn about how fantabulous He is; we may run over Him, we may shove Him in the trunk, and we may even try to exchange Him for a different make and model. But Jesus won’t allow us to forget Him; His love is too strong to watch us live clueless to the difference that awaits us when we take a permanent passenger seat next to Him.

Verse to remember: James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

No Red Cape Required

Today after my gram’s chemo treatment she wanted to visit a friend who was in the hospital. Not only did she want to visit her; she wanted to get her candy. So I went to the gift shop and bought candy and we made our way to the third floor. As the elevator moved upward and I supported my gram’s weak body; I fought hard to keep the tears inside my eyes. Here was a woman undergoing daily chemotherapy treatments concerned more about a friend in room 326 than her own declining physical abilities. After a brief visit and uplifting conversations; my gram told her friend that we needed to go because I had to drive a long way home and she didn’t want me on the roads late. Again, this woman reminded me of her selfless acts and her strong faith in fighting a disease that I have full blown hatred towards.  As we were leaving the hospital, I ran into a doctor that had taken care of my pap during his hospital admissions throughout his battle with cancer. We talked briefly and after learning the reason behind my daily visits to the hospital; he told my gram, “I think she has an S on her chest.”  (He had now successfully charmed both of my grandmothers). His words were very uplifting but not necessary. The S he was referring to was the S on Superman’s chest. (Superwoman in my case) He had made a similar comment when our paths crossed frequently months ago and he witnessed firsthand the pure determination I had to put my loved ones life first and still maintain my own schedule and sanity. The only superpowers I possessed both then and now is the ability to scare others with my outward appearance. (I pulled khakis out of my dirty clothes basket this morning but I still shower and brush my teeth daily)

Tonight when I returned to my apartment; I went straight for a caffeine source (Iced tea not coffee, there is hope for me) and sat down to finish my independent study project. Conveniently, my presentation was on palliative care and physical therapy. As I finished my presentation, the depth of the hurt in my heart began to surface.  And if the pain wasn’t enough already; I tortured myself more by reading last year’s Christmas card from my pap. Now in a full blown sob fest; my hurt began to rip through my chest and I felt my heart being attacked. I remembered my journey with my pap and my now journey with my gram. And the more I cried, the more my heart tore open. As I pulled my Christmas card close to my chest; I envisioned an S on my chest. But this S didn’t stand for Superwoman; it stood for servant. My journeys haven’t been sustained by my super powers; my journeys have been sustained because I am a servant of the Lord. When God created me, he knew my steps. He knew that He would be putting His mission in my hands. He knew that I would spend my days serving my family, my friends, and complete strangers. He knew that superpowers wouldn’t be enough for me; I needed more. I needed to transform myself into His son’s image. I needed to see the world through His eyes; I needed to humbly give of myself just like Jesus did. Each day when I wake up, I find the strength, the time, and the energy to serve others because I serve Jesus first. Are you a servant of God? Do you humbly lead others by His example? Do you see a world in need not only of your services but in need of Jesus? Because I have chosen to serve God to the best of my ability; I am able to travel on a road few people take daily. I am able to spend my days loving others by truly making a difference in their lives. I don’t give until it hurts; I give until Jesus tells me to stop. I give until His mission for my life is complete.

Tonight, my eyes are swollen, my heart is sad, my body is exhausted, and my superpowers are nonexistent.  As I get ready for bed, I won’t be hanging up my red cape. I will collapse into my bed and wait for my mind to stop racing and then drift to sleep. When my alarm goes off a few hours later; I will wake up and as much as I will want to stay in bed, I won’t. I will rise to my feet, paint an S on my chest and say, “Lord send me. I am ready to be your servant.”  

Verse to remember:  Philippians 2: 1-5 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one, in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

The wheels inside my head keep turning

Hopefully by now, you have all realized that my mind is constantly challenging me to use it. Sometimes, I wish I could just make my brain stop thinking but despite my vast knowledge of the brain (Completely joking! But today I did learn that the limbic system begins to shut down when you are sleep deprived); I am unable to find many times during the day where my brain remains quiet and allows me to check out of life for awhile. My favorite time to shut off my brain is when I am driving. I love to get lost in the music and zone out to everything else around me. (even slow drivers) And since I now spend 3 hours a day driving; I begged my brain to listen to me and relax for awhile. But today when I was driving, my brain refused to rest. In fact, I was thinking of new ideas to write about. For the past few days I have been having writer’s block. I don’t fully consider it writer’s block because in order to have such a condition; I would have to consider myself a professional writer. (typing from my kitchen bar stool in sweatpants isn’t exactly professional) And every time I share my brain with you; I have no plan just a million thoughts in my head and a love for the Lord in my heart. So like I always do, I prayed.  During my prayer, I told God: “I may be the hands that type but you are the one who pushes the buttons inside my brain. My driving time is my time with you so send my brain on overdrive so I can continue the work you started in me.” Friends, I thought my brain needed a rest before this prayer but as soon as I said amen; every song on the radio, every conversation between the deejays, and every fleeting thought inside my head sparked an idea. Within seconds, I went from writer’s block to writer’s overload.  Some writers take months off in order to refresh their brains and renew their passion for writing. If (key word if) I were a writer, I would tell them it’s much easier to say a quick prayer and return to your kitchen barstool and laptop the same night.

I couldn’t possibly pick just one thing to share with you tonight (my brain can’t even fully enjoy my pillow at night for at least 30 minutes) so I let God pick. The winner was selected at random…I closed my eyes and listened. When you allow God to speak; it’s amazing how all of your thoughts disappear and the only voice you hear is His. I am still waiting you hear the audible voice of God but tonight as I entered into His presence; I heard the voice of the deejay on the radio.  This evening as I was driving home, he was talking about all of the necessary steps to take in order to find the perfect live Christmas tree. He then went on to share all of his mishaps over the years with Christmas trees.  I will admit some of his stories made me laugh and same made me doubt his intelligence. As I listened to callers share their own Christmas tree horror stories; I was amazed at the rituals, plans of attacks, and steps they took to find a perfect tree. The only time I went to pick out a tree, I found one that would fit in my trunk; end of story.  For my entire drive home, I listened to a Christian radio station talk about the importance of a perfect Christmas tree without once mentioning the importance of the true meaning of Christmas. Your tree could meet all of the criteria needed to be considered perfect but if your focus in on your tree instead of on Christ; you’re missing out on the only perfect part of life. Christmas isn’t about finding a perfect tree, receiving gifts, eating cookies, and singing Christmas carols. Christmas is about Jesus friends. Christmas represents the birth of our savior and the miracle of not only his birth but of his life, death, and resurrection. Christmas is a reminder of the perfectness of our king. Think about the life of Jesus and how wonderful He truly is. Think about Him as you prepare for the Christmas holiday. Is Jesus at the center of your plans? Is your focus Jesus and celebrating his birth? And if you know the true meaning of Christmas, are you allowing Christmas to exist all year long? Our entire lives should be all about Jesus. Each day we should remember how wonderful He is and thank Him that the miracle of Christmas is available to us each and every day.  Christmas is a reminder that God is a miracle giving God. Christmas is a reminder that our true gift was our savior Jesus Christ who sits in heaven preparing a celebration more perfect than a pine tree decorated with the finest bulbs and brightest lights.

Verse to remember:  Luke 1:30-34 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary you have found favor with God. 31 You will be with child and give birth to a son and you will give him the name Jesus. 32 he will be great and will be called Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David 33 and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.”

Have your cake and eat it too

Friday night I celebrated a friend’s birthday by going to dinner with a group of friends. Per the birthday girl we went to a Japanese steak house and enjoyed good food and entertainment from our cook, the best specialty sushi roll I have ever eaten, and a few funny pictures of our nightly escapade. (Who knew a 50 cent fake mustache could cause so much fun) After dinner, our nightly shenanigans continued with game night, cake and presents. (I never attend a birthday celebration without cake) Sometime after we had eaten cake (and cookies), opened gifts, and were mentally preparing ourselves for the game in our near future; the discussion of a cake eating contest was brought up. Yes friends, I took a seat at the table, tied my hands behind my back, and dove face first into strawberry icing. A few bites in, I realized that not only did I have cake up my nose and icing in my hair line but I was losing! I stood to my feet to gain momentum and began inhaling cake as fast as I could.  (don’t worry there is videotape evidence and it’s only a matter of time before the footage makes it to the Internet). I kept telling myself, if I just keep swallowing wads of cake, despite the feeling of choking; I would win.  As the cake eating contest was coming to an end and I sensed victory; my competitor kindly pointed to a piece of cake that had fallen off of my plate. As I smeared my face on the table to get the fallen piece of cake; she solidified her victory. I may have lost my first cake eating competition but I kept scrapping the plate until the winner was announced. And because of our fantabulous ability to always put fun above personal humiliation; my friend and I were able to laugh (and pick cake out of our hair) all night long.

I am not a good candidate for eating competitions since my stomach has delayed emptying but I am a guaranteed laugh so I will always accept the challenge to an eat-off.  When I was coaching myself through my eating contest, my competitive nature resurfaced. Since I gave up on being in shape, the only time I see my competitive nature come out is when my race car driving skills are present. Yes, I am referring to my fast driving and ,yes, I know that road rage isn’t exactly a competition. I have been working very hard at improving my competitive driving skills and even made myself a reminder. I wrote the following statement on a piece of paper and placed it on my visor: Jay the rude driver in front of you can’t hear you screaming but God can.  And this reminder was working until Wednesday night. I was already late for church because of my busy schedule and I got behind the slowest driver in WV. (If you drive a maroon Ford sedan with a burnt out left brake light, I apologize now but would like to remind you that the speed limit on Rt. 250 is 45 mph) The entire time I was driving, I kept hearing myself read my note but I didn’t care about the note; I cared about getting to church. My day was long, my strength was drained, my body was beyond fatigued, and Satan was using all of his tricks to test my faith. I knew if I could just get to church; if I could just enter the presence of God; I would be renewed.  I wasn’t obeying the speeding laws set before me, (you all know I passed the maroon Ford on the first straight stretch available), I wasn’t worrying about being 15 minutes late, and I wasn’t allowing the events of my day to replace my faith in Jesus. I had one goal: get to where I knew Jesus would be.  I know that Jesus will meet me wherever I am (He met me in my car as I crumpled my reminder to myself so I didn’t have to see it as I was yelling at other drivers) but I wanted more. I wanted the presence of God I knew was awaiting me at my church. And friends as soon as I walked in; I ran right into a giant wall of the Holy Spirit. And the touch I longed for multiplied and I wasn’t just touched by Jesus; I was saturated by Jesus. When you need a touch from Jesus, are there limitations in your life? Are you determined at all cost to get to Jesus? Do you ignore more than speed limits to carry out the basis of your faith?  Or perhaps the flame of your faith isn’t as strong as the flame of your fear. Nothing should cause you to hesitate or second guess the power of Jesus.  Nothing should keep us from Him friends. When we know what is required of us to get to Jesus, we must do it. When our faith is hanging on by a thread and the world wants us to turn from Jesus; we must search for Him more. When you feel the tug in your heart or the voice in your head; follow the path that leads to Jesus. It only takes Him a split second to completely renew us in Him. But if our faith is lacking we can’t rest in the presence Jesus because we will never find Him.

 When the countdown for my cake eating contest began, I knew that my stomach did not have the ability to handle more food because of my delayed emptying. But with each bite I kept telling myself, “Do whatever it takes to finish the cake.” And despite losing; I did finish every crumb of cake. When I need Jesus (which is everyday); I won’t wait for a countdown. But I will keep telling myself, “Do whatever it takes to get a touch from Jesus.”  And despite the doubt of onlookers, the grim situation I may be in, and the depths I traveled to get there; my faith will allow me to enjoy every crumb of His presence.

Verse to remember:  Mark 6:30-34 At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned to the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?” 31 “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask who touched me?” 32 But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. 33 Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. 34 he said to her, “daughter your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”

My Macgyver

Today after my 8 hour day of classes; I said I wanted to do something fun on my only night off. I was referring to the fact that Thursdays are the only day I am unable to take my gram to chemo because of my class schedule. I wanted to fill my night with something other than watching someone I love suffer. After class, (still searching for a way to enjoy my weekly me time) I went to Walmart to get my gram an electric throw to help combat the severe chills she gets after her infusions. As I was in the make-up aisle getting eye liner for myself (eye liner and foundation are now the only make-up I manage to smear on in the mornings), I saw a display for bubble bath.  And in an instant, I envisioned myself soaking in a hot bubble bath with hot chocolate and a book. A perfect way to spend my evening and enjoy much needed “me time”. Before I could indulge in a bubble bath, I needed to wash my sink full of coffee mugs, take out my trash, and re-wash the laundry I had put in my washer Tuesday morning. Thankfully, I was looking for a specific pair of jeans or I may have went another week before I realized I had wet clothes in the washer. After successfully washing the same load of clothes for the second time, I started back up my basement stairs only to find my door locked. That’s right friends. I was locked in my basement for the second time this year. (The first time it happened, I thought bad luck. This time I was thinking: ghost at 845.) Knowing my phone was on my kitchen counter, I began looking for anything I could to get my door open. I tried to unlock the deadbolt with a paint scrapper for 30 minutes and then I sat on my stairs in defeat. Instead of panicking, I said, “well Lord, I wanted me time tonight. And you definitely provided a situation where I could be all alone.”  I sat on my steps for a few minutes and then I heard my neighbors through the wall. My attempts to rip my door off of the hinges with a paint scrapper had apparently made a lot of noise. They unlocked their basement door to investigate and I explained my current situation. Realizing I now had a phone to use, I began thinking of who I would call. My normal call would be to my dad since he has a spare key but he was on grandma duty tonight. As I was thinking of who to call, my neighbor said, “I can just take the door off.” Was he serious? Take my door off? I thought that only happened in movies when the people trapped inside had seconds to escape before a bomb went off and their only resources were a gum wrapper and a toothpick. My claim that God has a giant movie cinema in heaven that randomly plays parts of my life for entertainment (especially the scenes where I run around like I am in a rat wheel before I ask God for help) was confirmed when my neighbor pulled my door off the hinges within seconds. He didn’t have a gum wrapper or a toothpick but he still got the same reaction from me as he stood holding my door in his hands and I walked safely into my apartment.

I will have to wait until I get to heaven to ask God if He constantly entertains His eternal family with my mishaps but I don’t have to wait for Him to constantly remind me of how much He loves me.  Tonight He showed me (again) that when I trust Him; He will do more than entertain my heart. He will open doors. And I am not talking about my neighbor who physically opened my door tonight; I am referring to God himself opening doors in my life when I feel like I am trapped inside my own life.  From the moment I found myself back in the ring with cancer, I have been trusting God to provide for me. And during the first week of a long fight; I have found myself defeated many, many times. But unlike my past two attempts; I didn’t fall down. Well, I didn’t fall beyond me knees. I turned to God. And last night during a pep talk from my coach; I told Him, “I give myself away; my life is in your hands.”  It was that simple friends. Instantly, my heart felt better, my mind shut off, my fears disappeared, and doors were opened. God can open any door that He wants. We are never trapped when we are in Him. Even when we shut doors and try to keep God locked up; He will bust it down and wow us with His love opposed to his lock picking skills.  Do you feel trapped inside your own life? Are you sitting on your basement stairs desperate for a door to open? If you are, do you believe that God is greater than all things? Do you know that greater things await us? Do you know that God equals victory every time?  Or are you standing with a paint scrapper trying to open a door you somehow locked yourself? God yearns for us to lay every burden, every ounce of pain, every dead end at the foot of the cross. And when we do friends not only will He open doors and provide ways we never imagined; He will open our hearts to truly experience His love. When you stand in adoration of the opened doors in your life; remember that His skills aren’t limited to toothpicks and gum wrappers. His skills save lives. His skills mend broken hearts. His skills perform miracles.

His skill’s have turned me from a girl who spent most of her time in a rat wheel (wait until you get to heaven; you will see the big screen) to a girl who walks through the mazes of my life confident that my maze doesn’t contain a single dead end. Tonight my maze contains a bubble bath, a good book, and hot chocolate thanks to the skills of my locksmith (an my neighbor).

Verse to remember: Lamentations 3:22-24 22Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 24 Say to myself, “the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.”

And the award for weakness goes to...

This morning I woke up at 5:00 because I was laughing in my sleep. I don’t remember exactly what I was laughing at but I do remember that I was dreaming about my beyond awesome friend and old roommate Britt. (I still wish she would get a divorce for a night and come back to 845 for a slumber party). I managed to fall back asleep and when my clock went off at 6:30 there was no laughter coming from this mouth. Well, until my snooze went off 10 minutes later. I was laughing because my snooze alarm reminded me of Britt and her morning ritual. For an entire year, she would set two different alarms (one of which required her to get out of bed to turn off) and they would continue to go off every 10-15 minutes until she got out of bed. (usually 30-40 minutes after the initial alarm sounded.) Without fail, I would laugh every morning as each alarm went off. I was amazed that this regimen worked for her and I would laugh because she could add an extra hour of sleep every morning if she set her clock for when she actually needed to get out of bed. ( I prefer to sleep until the last possible second and make my own dress code for class) The trend of Britt stories continued throughout my morning routine. This morning in the shower, I used my face wash as shampoo by accident. (A definite sign of a lack of sleep) As I was rinsing Neutrogena grapefruit scrub from my scalp, I started laughing, remembering one of my favorite stories of all time. (The Mannington Pool Caviler escapade is hard to beat)  Brittany was brushing her teeth and when she came out of the bathroom she said, “My mouth is tingling. I think I used Ben Gay instead of toothpaste by accident.” Because of my awesome friend my morning was filled with laughter and I was able to forget about my coffee stained shirt, my missing left sock, and my turkey wrap that I left behind in my refrigerator.

I wish my morning lecture sparked a memory to elicit laughter but a thermos of good coffee was an acceptable replacement.  Full of caffeine and fun memories, I began the drive to my grandmother’s first chemotherapy appointment. Once there, her doctor confirmed that her chemo treatments were going to be done daily opposed to weekly and that her chemo regimen had been changed to Interferon which has the most severe side effects of any chemotherapy drug. The change was necessary in order to give my gram the best treatment available and hopefully prevent an above knee amputation. In a split second, I found myself back in the ring with cancer. I heard the Emcee announce the fight: In the left corner, we have Jay Garcia returning for her third round looking for her first victory (for her grandparents) against cancer. Being a good experienced fighter, I began assembling my attack plan. Within seconds, I had a mental checklist of everything I needed to do. I had calls to make, resources to take advantage of, schedules to change, and most importantly a loved one who desperately needed me.  As I was driving back to class for my afternoon presentation, I found myself desperately trying to hold back tears. (I needed a professional appearance on my side for my mediocre presentation) As the tears began to stain my cheeks, and I began turning over my boxing gloves to God, I was again reminded of my awesome friend Britt. This time I wasn’t laughing; I actually began to cry harder. I remembered the bible verse she recites every time she gets on an airplane: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (Is it cheating to give you a verse to remember before the end?) I may be fighting out of the left corner but I am the weakest fighter on the East coast. And because I am weak; I am strong in Christ. His power is made perfect in me. PERFECT!  I don’t know about you friends but I have never been perfect in my life. Because I am made perfect in Christ, I don’t have to throw a single punch. I don’t have to worry about the aggressiveness of melanoma, the harsh side effects of Interferon, my schedule that contains a research project and 4 finals, caregivers for my gram, or the daily trips to the infusion center. All I have to do is embrace the blows thrown at me by cancer and allow His grace to be enough.  His grace will provide everything I need to make my fight easier as long as my attack plan has only 1 step:  turn to Jesus for everything. My body may become tired and my life may become battered and my fight may go 37 rounds. But I will remain strong because in my weakness, His power will remain perfect.  And regardless of who is declared the winner at the end of the fight; I will take a bow and a much needed rest. I won’t be laughing if cancer is declared the winner but there will be a smile on my face because I know that God has already won the main event.

I know that each time my days need a bright spot; I have Britt’s friendship and funny stories .And I know that each time I hear the ring side announcer call my name; I have God fighting out of my corner.  Watch out cancer, this combination is going to be hard to beat!

Verse to remember: 2 Corinthians 2:9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Squeaky clean

My Sunday afternoons are usually dedicated to my grandma. I set aside this time every week specifically for her. Since I had spent the beginning of the week with her before going to New Jersey, I was going to come back to Morgantown and take advantage of a lazy Sunday afternoon by watching movies, downloading new music, and addressing my Christmas cards. But before I got on the interstate, I called her to make sure she didn’t need anything. And it’s a good thing I did. She needed yellow cheese. To most, yellow cheese is known as American cheese. My grandma likes to add 3-4 slices of cheese to her boxed macaroni and cheese and was apparently out.  She also needed the batteries in her smoke alarm changed and her trash taken out.  I didn’t stop to get yellow cheese on my way to her house because I knew she would have just enough time to think of ten more things she needed before I arrived. After visiting with her for awhile and fixing her smoke alarm and taking out her trash; I asked her if there was anything she needed from the store. She rattled off a few random items and then said, “laundry detergent. I need more laundry detergent.” There was no way she needed laundry detergent. I just bought her a large container of laundry detergent on Saturday. After a few moments of arguing (we never truly argue) and pure disbelief on my behalf; I went to the laundry room to assess the situation for myself. And sure enough in 6 days my grandma had emptied the half full bottle that occupied the stand by the washer on Saturday and was well on her way to emptying the bottle I had just bought her. Completely shocked, I asked her if she was drinking detergent. Laughing, she said, “you just don’t know how I wash clothes.”

I clearly don’t know how my grandma washes clothes because she uses five times as much detergent as I do and only washes half as many clothes as I do. (Maybe she mixes XTRA detergent with her decaffeinated coffee in the mornings…I would have to add something besides half and half to my coffee if it were decaffeinated.)  The mystery to the missing detergent of Meadow Avenue remains and as my brain was playing detective; I asked myself what mysteries of Jesus keep my mind constantly thinking? And I was drawn to the blood of Christ. Of course, I know the stories and references to the blood of Christ (because I read my bible daily) and I sing lyrics to songs referring to the power of the blood. I know that I am forgiven and washed clean by His blood. I know that the blood He shed at Calvary gave me life. I remind myself daily of the undeserved blood of Christ that has cleansed my soul, yet I can’t grasp the everlasting love of Jesus that accompanies His blood. I can’t grasp how despite all of my past sin, all of my imperfections, and all of my shame; God still claims me as His own. The very God who spoke the universe into existence, who gave life to man, and who sent His son to die, loves me unconditionally. He loves all of us unconditionally. I am not sure I will ever be able to grasp the beginning of God’s love (good thing no mind can ever comprehend the depths of His love) because each time I start to; He loves me more and more. But I am able to understand that there is nothing righteous in me. Nothing I possess is worthy enough for my King. God doesn’t love me because of who I am; he loves me because of who HE is.  God loves us so much friends. He loves us so much that He gave us Jesus. He watched His son withstand the beating which led to the blood that gave us life and wiped away our sins. He gave us Jesus friends. How can that not bring you to your knees and leave you speechless. Just because He gave us Jesus doesn’t mean all of us are satisfied with Jesus. Is Jesus enough for you? When you wake up, is your first thought Jesus?  Do you want and need Him to be with you from the beginning of your day?  If God would take everything else in your life away, would Jesus be enough? Would the blood He shed at the cross for your life and the undeserved everlasting love of Christ be all that matters? Not only is Jesus enough for me; His love is beyond comprehension to me. Jesus Is greater than anything I could ever imagine. Knowing that the one who walked on water, fed thousands with rations of bread and fish, and withstood Calvary loves me more than my heart can imagine doesn’t just bring me to my knees. It makes my life’s desire to live every second of my life in pursuit of the worthiness He deserves.

My grandma’s technique to washing clothes leaves her with the cleanest clothes in West Virginia. (she has to be using an 1/8 of the bottle with each load)  And leaves me completely speechless as to how one lady can use so much detergent in a week’s time.  God’s technique to washing away our sin with the blood of Jesus leaves us with the freedom to have an abundant life filled with everlasting love. And leaves me completely speechless as to how one Man can love me so much in a lifetime.

Verse to remember:  1 Peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

Clean up aisle 7

Yesterday, I took black Friday shopping to an entirely new level. My sister wanted a TV for Christmas and we all know that the TV industry picks one day out of the entire year to sell televisions at an extremely low price…Black Friday. So my sister and I ventured out to Walmart at midnight. A Walmart in a city we had never been to before.  Once arriving at an already packed Walmart, we headed to the electronics department where a man gave us a map of the locations for the “hot items”. We needed to go to section A. At section A, we were given a ticket for the TV and told to go to the end of the aisle and wait. Wait until 5:00 AM when the TV went on sale. We were guaranteed the TV as long as we didn’t leave the aisle in the shoe department. Knowing that I was going to be there for 5 hours, I went to get caffeine conveniently located in aisle 17. After I stocked up on caffeine, I rejoined my sister prepared to endure the conditions of the night awaiting me. I was prepared to become miserably tired, grouchy at the crowd, and bored with the long wait. But what I was forgetting was the fact that my normal black Friday waits find me outside waiting in line opposed to sitting in a Walmart. My sister and I made friends with our neighbors (who gave us directions to Target and Khols which we hit up after Walmart), got chairs from the camping department to sit in while we waited, read every gossip magazine available in the checkout line (without buying a single one), were given free candy, and yes friends we even bought snacks and had a picnic in the middle of the boot aisle. I still had to endure a 5 hour wait with no sleep but my wait was made more enjoyable by the convenience of sitting in a store that has every necessity you could possibly need for not only a long night but for everyday living.

I was determined to leave New Jersey with my sister’s TV before I knew the luxurious conditions that awaited me for my midnight adventure. (There was nothing luxurious about carrying a 32’ TV through hundreds of people to get to the checkout line) I was prepared to tackle the crowds of rude people, the long lines, and the fatigue for my sister. As I was successfully loading the TV into my dad’s car, my sister said, “I can’t believe we actually got it!” I don’t think she doubted me (she has seen GI Jay in action before) but instead was excited to have a new TV for her room. I have used a similar phrase, whether in excitement or doubt, when I have endured a situation in my life. But I can admit that my determination to withstand the conditions set before me weren’t as strong as my determination to leave NJ with a TV. What makes our determination diminish when we are faced with a lifelong situation requiring endurance? Or when we are faced with a situation far worse than a 5 hour wait in the middle of the night? I believe our determination diminishes when we try to face the battle/situation on our own opposed to on our knees.  When we allow our strength, our will, our desires to come before God’s strength, will, and plan; we are in trouble friends. God has equipped us for battle. He has given us all we need to endure whatever Satan throws at us. He has provided us with luxurious accommodations fitted specifically for our needs in each and every situation. What situations of your life are you putting before the accommodations from God?  Are you on your knees or are your arms tired from swinging punches with no success?  When you go to battle alone, your determination won’t last and your arms won’t be the only thing that gets tired. How awesome is it to know that when we hit our knees; we don’t have to endure alone. Yes, there will be times when we will feel like we can’t endure another second but just when we are about to stand up; God will come in and see us through the darkest night. We never face battles alone friend. God is always watching over us and He is always faithful. Sometimes we have to endure unimaginable circumstances and situations but He is always watching over us. Our struggle, our situation, our suffering, and our pain can’t even begin to compare to the glory that God will reveal to us and in us.

After yesterday, all of my long waits on black Friday will take place in Walmart because I know that I can endure any wait with the accommodations available within the walls of the store. Today, I will continue to endure all of my battles on my knees because I know that when I cling to the cross; His accommodations are all I need. His mercy will rescue me, His grace will restore me, and His love will set me free.

Verse to remember:  2 Timothy 2:3 Endure hardship with us like a good solider of Christ Jesus.