Sinful Tickets

This morning when I woke up (to already made coffee) my pastor was excited to tell me about all of his new applications on his Galaxy. He tested my knowledge with a trivia game aimed at assessing your common sense and direction following. (I still haven’t passed the game) He taught me how to correctly spell Mediterranean Sea (I knew how to spell sea without his help) with a simple voice prompt. He told me the cheapest place to buy gas in this area and I should have listened since my gas light is currently on in my car. And he was almost successful in convincing me to buy a Galaxy when he explained a radar detector application. This specific application notifies you when there is a radar gun within so many miles. I know you are thinking, “Jay just go buy a radar detector.” And it is a legit thought but radar detectors are illegal in some states AND radar detectors don’t agree to pay your speeding ticket if you get one while using them. That’s right friends, there is an application on a handheld technological device willing to pay for a speeding ticket if you get one while using it. Way to much good news at 9:30 in the morning for someone who has a slight problem with obeying the speed limit. (And who has thousands of dollars in student loans)  

I won’t buy a Galaxy, an IPAD, or any other device capable of giving me an excuse and justification to ignore speed limits because it is just adding to one of my (very few) downfalls.  (I have tried but my foot will not accept 25 MPH) I am completely joking about having very few downfalls and unfortunately I need tickets to keep me accountable all the time. Not speeding tickets but tickets from God reminding me that my every action has a consequence. And when my actions reflect sin and the result is ultimately destruction and shame: God’s name is on the bottom of the silver clipboard where it says person responsible for fine. God isn’t responsible for my downfalls and He most definitely isn’t responsible for my sins but He is responsible for my payment. When He sent His son to die on a cross He agreed to pay for every single one of my downfalls. He agreed to pay the price for every choice I have made, for every one of my mistakes, and for every one of the messes I have created for myself. No matter how great the cost; God signs His name at the bottom of every one of my “sinful tickets”. Not only does God pay for every one of my “sinful tickets” He doesn’t change throughout the process. His payment isn’t accompanied with anger or disappointment; His payment is accompanied with love and forgiveness.  His payment relieves my fears, my bondage, my hurt, my shame, and most importantly my downfalls. Through His payments; I have been set free. I have been set free and won’t buy into Satan’s plans capable of giving me an excuse to ignore God by justifying the accumulation of “sinful tickets.” If you have a stack of yellow tickets that need paid for, put them in an envelope and send them heavenward. I promise you that you will get them pack with a stamp that reads: PAID IN FULL. He has agreed to pay for all of your downfalls too, friends. He has agreed be the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He has agreed to show you love and forgiveness no matter the extent of the cost.

When I was in undergrad, I would get warnings almost monthly during my commutes home. After a sigh of relief and a prayer of thanks; I would stuff my warning ticket in my glove box. One day when my dad was giving me my new car insurance card; he saw my collection of warning tickets for speeding. To say he wasn’t happy would be an understatement; he began lecturing instantly reminding me that when my insurance went up, he wasn’t going to help me pay for it. When I take my collection of tickets to my heavenly father, he doesn’t lecture; He gathers them in His arms (yes sometimes His hands aren’t enough) and pays for every last cent. If you want your insurance to remain in Christ all you have to do is download Him to your heart and believe that He has agreed to pay for every one of your sinful tickets.

Verse to remember: Acts 20:28 Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood.

Cinnamon Singing Inside

Today, I received a card from my childhood neighbors who have been like grandparents to me since the day I was born. I haven’t lived beside them since I was a child but over the years I have remained in contact with them and appreciate so much the time I am able to spend with them. When I was a child, I would travel the short distance down the sidewalk to their home almost daily. I would walk in the front door straight to the refrigerator and get 2 slices of cheese (for some reason their cheese tasted better than our cheese) before joining them in their living room. As I happily ate their cheese; Dot and Hubbers (Eileen and Harry weren’t acceptable to me as a child and still aren’t as an adult) would captivate me with war stories, entertain me with boxes of blocks, and spark my imagination with boxes of dress up clothes. They also taught me how to pick vegetables from a garden, sing in rounds, and how to make the perfect Coco Wheats. Most of my favorite childhood memories involve two people who were proud to take on the responsibility of my grandparents (and cheese providers) and who were proud to claim me even when I left mud footprints on their front porch and scared the life out of them by falling asleep under my dining room table. (My entire neighborhood was looking for me for hours because they thought I had been kidnapped. I was just napping and playing with my imaginary friends for an entire afternoon underneath my dining room table…it was more fun under there.)

Today as I read the words of their card; I was humbled by the kind words inside. I was thankful that after 20 years; I am still blessed by two individuals who will always be grandparents to me. (And Dot and Hubbers) I was drawn to a specific sentence inside the card: we are proud of the young woman you have become.  The words touched my heart and I realized that of all my memories containing them; my most valuable are the memories of them taking me to church with them. Not only are they responsible for taking me to church but they completed my Sunday school projects with me, they taught me Children Songs (Apple Red Happiness will always be my favorite), they bought me my first bible, and they  practiced the Lord’s prayer with me until I knew every word. Because of their investments in my life both as a child and as an adult (and because of their card today) I am able to ask myself daily: Is God proud of you? Is God proud of the young woman I have become? Do my actions, motives, decisions, words, desires, and purposes make God proud? I wish I was capable of making God proud every moment of every day but I can’t. I make mistakes, I am guilty of sin, and I don’t make myself proud at times. But God is everything that I live for and I want to follow all of His ways. I want to trust Him always. I want to love like Jesus. I want to give and serve with the heart of Jesus. I want the world to see Jesus like I see Him. And as long as I keep God first in my heart and allow Him the freedom to mold me into the girl He can be proud of; I can answer my question with a yes. When God looks at your life is He proud? Is He the driving force behind your every action, thought, and desire? Are you proud to give up your life for Him?  I know that I will never be perfect friends and I know that as much as I want God to be proud of me every second of every day; He won’t. He won’t because I wasn’t created to be perfect and neither were you. But you were created for eternity and in order to have eternity with Christ, you must make Him proud. You must put Him first so He can mold your heart. You must put Him first so one day you will hear Him say, “My child, I am proud of the woman (or man) you have become.”

One of my favorite snacks is still cheese and I still read from the bible given to me from the greatest people to ever live on Furbee Avenue. I may not share the innocence or imagination I possessed as a child but I still share my love for Jesus. I’m still proud of my responsibility in Christ and I am still proud of the young woman who began to develop the very moment God placed two individuals I am proud to love into my life.

Verse to remember: Jeremiah 7:3 This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Reform your ways and your actions, and I will let you live in this place.

Cutting Sheet Corners

I look forward to the weekend as soon as my alarm clock goes off on Monday morning. But this weekend was exceptionally hectic so I can honestly say, I am looking forward to the week so I can catch up on my sleep, finish the book on my nightstand, and clean my house. (Don’t worry friends, I am fully aware that tomorrow is garbage day and all trash cans and lint collectors will be emptied.) Even though my weekend was hectic, I enjoyed a brief unplanned visit from my brother-in-law and am beyond thankful that his father is on the road to recovery after a terrible car accident. (I think it was the extra creamer in his coffee and Andrea’s nursing skills that made the difference) I also enjoyed an impromptu late lunch this afternoon with my (non-blood) sister, Ashley and her family. I was able to spend time with those I love despite my normal busy weekend schedule of responsibilities but I did cut corners throughout my 2 days off in order to fit everything in. Yesterday, my hair didn’t see a brush, a hair dryer, or a flat iron; just some Head in Shoulders and a quick swipe of my fingers. (I missed the days of hair neglect) And this morning, I didn’t iron my black dress pants for church or make my bed. There I admitted it: I left my house with an unmade bed for the first time in 2011. I never thought I would see the day where I would be a daily bed maker and I most definitely didn’t think there would be a day when I would feel guilty about leaving my bed unmade. But as soon as I returned home this afternoon; I marched my behind straight upstairs (with my head down) and made my bed before I even put on sweatpants.

I felt guilty about leaving my bed in shambles because I know that a neat bed is appreciated in my house. (Not a requirement, just appreciated) And even though I am a bachelorette this week and the only person seeing my unmade bed is me; I didn’t like the feeling inside my heart of guilt. I could spend this entire week sleeping in unmade sheets, leaving the outside light on, and double dipping when I eat cookie dough and no one would be the wiser. But I won’t because I love and respect the culprits of my bed making obsession. (I will sing louder in the mornings and I most definitely will eat 2 day old chicken this week) Being a true bachelorette; I could make my own rules for the rest of my life. And no one would ever know what I did within the walls of my little life; No one except God. And because I know the house rules of God; I live each day knowing that I could cut corners but in the end my guilt will get the best of me. I don’t feel guilty when I make mistakes or just make stupid decisions because I know that there is forgiveness in the blood of Jesus. I feel guilty when I make excuses for cutting corners in my relationship with God. I march my behind straight to my room and hit my knees when I fall asleep while I am praying at night because I waited to the point of fatigue before thanking God for all that He blessed me with in a specific day or when I hold back God’s word when talking to friends because I don’t want them to feel beaten to death with my faith. My heart hurts when I rush my prayers or read my bible so fast I forget the scriptures moments later. Even though no one can see my short cuts; I do. I see them and I know that I love and respect Jesus way too much to do what I want when no one else is looking. I love Jesus so much that I don’t have a chance to allow guilt to set in because when I cut corners; I feel it instantly. My days are longer and filled with less joy. My mind is filled with more anxiety and fear. My heart is missing the piece that holds me together. When you cut corners in your relationship with God, do you feel guilt? Do you march your behind straight to your father and ask Him to change your ways. Or do you continue to live like no one is watching? God is always watching friends and when we indulge in a bachelorette lifestyle; we are the only ones suffering from our house rules.

I like my bedroom much better when I make my bed. I don’t have to cut corners in my confession; I admit that I have turned into a daily bed maker. (I like my house much better when I hear about my not so good bed making skills but I will only admit that once) And I like my life much better when I follow God’s rules. I won’t cut corners in my life; I will confess that I daily make my relationship with God stronger.

Verse to remember: Psalm 18:21 For I have kept the ways of the LORD; I am not guilty of turning from my God.

Spitballs

Today as I was driving to work, I was to happy to be bothered by the fact that I couldn’t technically put my hands on any patients today because there wasn’t a PT on site and that my time at the Arbors this morning was purely a learning experience.  I was happy because in the middle of February (on a Friday where my weekend started at noon), I was driving with my window down, my aviator sunglasses on, and my music up. I was happily enjoying my string cheese and Dive In by Steven Curtis Chapman when the passenger in the car in front of my launched a wad of napkins out her window. Since I am working on my road rage I didn’t honk my horn at her for interrupting my beautifully happy morning car ride with her littering. But I did let the part of my heart that has a life goal to open a no kill animal shelter tell her that innocent birds will choke on those napkins and hungry dog and cats will mistake them for food if they contain an odor that resembles food. And I also told her that the part of my heart that has a life goal to make a difference everyday did not appreciate her making her trash someone else’s responsibility. Half disgusted and half way finished letting this girl ruin my morning bliss; I went back to my string cheese and singing. A few moments later when I was stopped at a stop light, the litterbug in front of me starting throwing up and spitting out her window. Littering and vomiting in the same 3 minutes just isn’t acceptable friends, especially when my car is in the splash zone. Who was this girl and why did the driver of the car agree to let her ride with her? A few moments later when the car put on the blinker I was thankful to get rid of them and I answered my previous question. As they were turning into McDonalds, the driver of the silver Toyota dropped two napkins out the window and cut off the cars exiting the parking lot to get to the drive through. Clearly, the driver possessed the same lack of guilt regarding littering and an egg mcmuffin was worth window vomiting and wreck less driving.

I don’t have many rules when you are a passenger in my car but you must wear your seatbelt (it took me a few years but I’ve joined the seatbelt bandwagon) and if you liter; we will stop and you will go back and get whatever you threw out my window. God doesn’t have many rules to be your co-pilot either. But if you refuse to get rid of the trash in your life; he will prefer to spit you out of His mouth like vomit. God doesn’t have a list of rules you must follow in order to be loved by Him because He created us as sinners therefore we will never be perfect at any of our attempts to live a life pleasing to Him. But He does warn us over and over again that we can’t juggle a life of disobedience and rebellion and a life of Christianity. We can’t claim to be servants of God and conform to the ways of the world. We can’t claim to love God and fill our lives with everything that displeases him and breaks His heart. We can’t know the truth but refuse to apply it to our lives. When we choose to straddle the fence in our relationship with God; we break His heart more than we would if we just chose to ignore His existence all together. Being lukewarm in our relationship with Christ allows Him to see that we know the miracle of Him but are choosing to search for our own miracles in the form of Earthly desires. Are you steering yourself straight into a dead end? Or are you filling your life with trash? God wants you to be His passenger every day. He wants you to give your life to the only one who will never make you follow rules to benefit from His love.

Because I have given my life to the only one who captivates me with His love; I was able to return to my happiness during my morning drive by singing songs of praise to Him. And because I have given my life to Him; I know that I am no longer like vomit to God. He may want to wad me up and toss me around at times but He will never spit me out because He knows that the fire in my heart for Him could possibly be hotter than the depths of hell.

Verse to remember: Revelation 3: 15-16 15 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other. 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

Spreading My Germs

Despite my wicked cough that sounds much worse than it actually is; I woke up at 7:00 AM excited for a morning filled with my favorite thing: Jesus. (coffee is a close second)  Sunday mornings are the only mornings I welcome being awake before daylight and Sundays are the only day I make my bed with a smile on my face.  In fact, I am in an exceptionally good mood on Sundays because I know that God attends my church regularly and I love to watch Him work in the lives of His children and I love to feel Him beside me as I worship Him. I know I have already told you (numerous times I am sure) but my absolute favorite thing to do is worship God. I love to worship Him so much that today when I was leaving my Sunday school classroom, headed directly to the bathroom, (my bladder can only hold 4 cups of coffee for so long); I changed my route because I heard our praise team staring worship. My bladder was telling me Jay go to the bathroom please but my heart was telling me Jay you love this song, go sing and dance please.  As I walked through the doors to my sanctuary, I said, “Lord allow my bladder to make it until we do announcements” and I sang my way to my seat. As I was in my own world singing and dancing to two of my favorite songs; I began to cough. And apparently my coughing was noticeable to those around me(I said I was only paying attention to the music) because as soon as my youth pastor said to greet one another than man in front of me turned around and said, “I don’t want what you have.”  Since I hadn’t paid any attention to my coughing or my germ spreading (Yes, I did cover my mouth) I thought he was talking about the Holy Spirit that surrounds me when I am worshiping God. As I was thinking of a Christ like response, he noticed my thought process because he very quickly said, “No ma’am I meant your cold.” I started laughing and knew I had just added to my big screen appearances in Heaven. I moved down a seat and headed to the bathroom. My bladder really hated me after my mid church service bout of laughter.

Thanks to my best friend Amy, I am somewhat of a germaphob. I eat Vitamin C drops regularly and I wash my hands 50-300 times a day. And I especially don’t like to sit by someone who has audible and visible signs of sickness. But I never have a phobia of the Holy Spirit. And if I have to “catch” something I most definitely want it to be the Spirit of God. When I see or hear the first sign of the Holy Spirit, I don’t run away; I push my way to the source. And when I am filled with the Holy Spirit (which is every Sunday friends) I want people to catch what I have. I want those around me to feel the love of Jesus and be so overcome with His presence that they too become filled with the Holy Spirit. I want my symptoms in Christ to be contagious. I want to spread the joy, peace, fulfillment, and truth that only comes through the spirit of God. I want people to know that Jesus is all around them even when they can’t see Him. I want people to hear Him speaking to them even when my singing voice (and coughing) is the only audible sound they hear. I want others to have what I have inside my heart. Have you allowed yourself to have the Holy Spirit? Have you caught the contagious disease I like to call being completely in love with Jesus? Or are you afraid of catching a glimpse or taste of the Holy Spirit? If you haven’t experienced the Holy Spirit; take time today and spend it alone with God. Talk to Him and I mean truly talk to Him. Allow Him to speak to you and make Himself known to you. And when you hear from Him; you will know why my favorite thing to do is enter the presence of God and worship Him with every ounce of my being.  (And you will know how my favorite Steelers fan is able to dance as much as she does on Sunday mornings)

When I returned from the bathroom, the man sitting in front of me had moved. He didn’t move because of my sickness or because of the Holy Spirit that was dancing all around me; He moved to go sit with someone else. Since he moved, I didn’t have to spend time worrying about spreading my germs to anyone else; I could spend all of my time and energy spreading Jesus.

Verse to remember: Acts 2:1-4 When the day of Pentecost came they were all together in one place. 2 Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. 3 They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. 4 All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues at the Spirit enabled them.

I Will Live to Testify

As I open my third bag of cough drops this week, I realize that my attack plan for my cold may need some work. I woke up Wednesday morning with a sore throat (and white patches), and a cough. But I absolutely refused to be getting sick. I was able to sustain myself for 2 days on Theraflu, Vicks vapor rub, and cough drops. And then I woke up yesterday morning with a fever and wicked chills. Still determined to beat the cold that was slowly overtaking my body; I pushed on. I pushed on until I collapsed in my bed sometime later yesterday afternoon. As I continue my plan of attack that involves: cold medicine, Gatorade, Affrin nose spray, afternoon naps, and plenty of cough drops; I realize that Satan has been attacking me all week.  On Monday, I had an absolutely terrible day at work. In one day, I was reminded of every hurtful area of my life.  And I had to toilet 5 patients on Monday. (yes, toileting means exactly what you are thinking) On Tuesday, I met my gram to pick out her new wig because her hair is going to begin falling out as a result of her chemotherapy. And Since Wednesday, I have been battling a cold that has left me with a bright red nose and a cough that sounds like a muffled diesel truck engine. Of course, I couldn’t forget my experience on Thursday with the Monongalia county circuit clerk’s office.

I didn’t need a bad week to be reminded of Satan’s attacks on my life but this week did make me dislike him more. (And trust me friends, he heard the angry voice of Jay Garcia a few times this week)  Satan knows that I have no desire to be a part of his sinful nature any longer and he also knows that as my relationship with Christ grows stronger; I desire this world less and less. So, in his nasty hateful ways, Satan came up with a new plan of attack for me this week. I can hear him now…First, I will make her weak by reminding her of her deepest hurts. Next, I will attack a member of her family and make her question her faith. And finally when she is full of pain and sadness and close to defeat; I will attack her physically. He is unrelenting friends; I will give him that. But He isn’t good enough to keep me down. I won’t stay down because despite the devils attack plan; I am going to testify to the love of Jesus. When others would accept defeat or surrender to Satan; I won’t. I won’t allow anything to keep me from sharing Jesus with the world. I will be a witness even when everything inside me wants to quit. I will allow Jesus to shine through me even when my heart is breaking on the inside. I will testify to the greatness of God in every defeat, every sickness, every heartache, every suffering, and every attack I face. I wish I could hear Satan now…First, she accepts the blows I throw at her. Next, she thanks God for her pain and suffering. And then she continues to share His love. How can I stop this girl? The answer is simple: I can’t be stopped. There isn’t an attack plan out there strong enough to keep me from living my life as a testimony for God. What stops you from testifying to God’s love? Does Satan’s attack plan for your life cause you to surrender? Just because the devil is relentless doesn’t mean he has to be successful. When you are being attacked by the devil; bust out your own angry voice and give him a piece of your mind.

As I prepare to drink my nightly Theraful (more like hold my nose and chug), I know the effects of my cold will decrease as soon as the medicine hits my blood stream. And as I prepare for church tomorrow, I know the effects of Satan will disappear as soon as I am covered by His blood stream. My attack plan for my cold may require medicine and fluids but my attack plan for the devil only requires Jesus. And by the way Satan here me now (in my angry voice)…For as long as I live; I will testify!

Verse to remember:  Acts 4:33 With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus and much grace was upon them all.

Juror number 6

Yesterday, I received a summons in the mail from Monongalia County Magistrate court. When I saw the letter on my bed, I had a moment of panic. I thought for sure one of those radar detectors that conveniently hang from electric wires had clocked my Honda Civic going a few miles (or 15 miles) over the speed limit. When I open the letter, my fears were relieved when it was just a letter for jury duty. As much as I would love to spend the next 6 weeks collecting 40 dollars a day (and a free lunch); I knew I couldn’t because I no longer live in Morgantown.  (And I really don’t want to make up my rotation this summer…I have a nephew to spoil!) When I called the circuit clerk’s office this morning, I expected them to excuse me from jury duty and then happily go back to enjoying my coffee. Well friends, no such luck. The very unkind lady on the other end of the phone told me there was nothing I could do. I had to fill out the forms like everyone else and wait and see if the judge would excuse me. I informed her of the delay in receiving your mail when you forward it to a new address (and again reminded her that I NO LONGER live in Morgantown) and told her that my jury duty started Monday therefore my papers would not make it there before I was to be serving my country as juror number 6. After a long pause, she said: “Can’t you read the date on the letter? It was dated January 28^, 2011. So all I can tell you is to be here Monday!” Can I read? Was she serious? The state of West Virginia hired a woman who was determined to send me to jury duty even when she doubted my ability to read.  If she didn’t hang up so quickly, I would have said, “Actually no I can’t read. Does that mean I am excised on Monday?”

I don’t want to be a juror because there is no way I can be on jury duty and fulfill my clinical requirements for PT school. I wasn’t trying to give the lady who insulted my intelligence an excuse she had already heard many times; I was trying to be my honest, polite, compassionate self and explain my situation. Clearly, I have never met the woman I spoke with today (if I had, she would know I can read) so she didn’t believe my reasoning. And like this woman, I have never met God and when I try to give Him my excuses and reasoning He doesn’t listen either. He doesn’t listen because when He summons me to do something; excuses and justifications aren’t an option. Trust me friends, I wrote the book entitled: God, here are the million, zillion, cagillion reasons why I can’t listen to you. And I wore out the pages of that book during my years of rebellion. Not pure rebellion, just my years of only half way listening to God.  I realized my book was useless when I had read it over and over again and God was still summoning me. He was still determined to use me to show others His love. He still demanded that I trust Him more than the situations of my life. He still distinguished His power and miracles from the evils of Satan. He revealed a new level in my relationship with Him every time I refused to listen. God summons me because He knows the hunger I have for Him in my heart, He knows that not only do I have a book of excuses (covered with dust because I no longer need it); I have a book of stories showcasing Him to the fullest. God has a job for me to do and if I refuse Him; He won’t be rude and insult my intelligence. He will give my job to someone else who isn’t using the Jay Garcia excuse manual as bathroom reading material. Do you take pride in being summoned by God? Or are you the author of your own excuse book? God has called you to do something; don’t wait around for someone else to do the job God created for you.  Don’t let your rebellion cost you the rewards you have in Christ. Your rewards which are worth way more than 40 dollars a day and a free lunch.

Monday morning I will go to Magistrate court prepared to explain why I cannot fulfill the duties of a juror for Monongalia county and pray that the judge will accept my justification. And when his final verdict is to excuse me because I no longer live in Monongalia County; I will thank my true Judge who has summoned me for something beyond my comprehension. Something so great, not even my ability to read can prepare me for what God has called me to do.

Verse to remember:  Isaiah 13: 2-3. 2 Raise a banner on a bare hilltop, shout to them; beckon to them to enter the gates of the nobles. 3 I have commanded my holy one; I have summoned my warriors to carry out my wrath-those who rejoice in my triumph.

Flesh Eating Disease

I woke up this morning to a painful, throbbing mass on my left cheek. I went into the bathroom expecting to see a quarter embedded in my jaw but instead I saw a flesh colored circle with a red center on my cheek. My first thought was, I had contracted some type on infection from the nursing home and then my mind switched thoughts to one of my biggest fears: spiders. MRSA scared me less than the thought of a spider on my face in the middle of the night leaving behind his venom and little spider eggs. I went downstairs for coffee and a second opinion (and a scalpel) and as expected, my coffee was already brewed but unexpectedly my second opinion told me true stories about parasites and amoebas making their homes under the skin of humans. Not even a half awake brain and a good cup of coffee could keep my head from itching and my palms from sweating. Before 9:00 AM this morning, I was convinced I had a flesh eating disease. Ok, I didn’t really think I had a flesh eating disease but I did have to pray the entire way to my hair appointment because I knew the only hope I had of convincing myself that my flesh was free of creatures and spider eggs was Jesus and His blood that heals my body completely. (I will admit that I did do some research on parasites, MRSA, amoebas, and most importantly spider bites when I got home this evening.)

I have been obsessively checking the size of my new facial growth all day. If it wouldn’t draw more attention to the quarter size growth on my face, I would outline it in pen so I could have a subjective way to track its growth. (Not everything I learned in PT school was a waste) My so called flesh eating disease has been rebuked many times today. (And been the center of many jokes from my beloved friends) Hopefully it is obvious that I want no part of this “flesh eating disease” but how many times have I wanted no part of Jesus and His flesh eating disease. Jesus doesn’t contaminate our lives but He does come in and remove the thorns of our flesh. God gives us the Spirit who works and prays for us and will eventually liberate us from the failures, weaknesses, and temptations that separate us from Him. He will come in and eat away all of our impurities, imperfections, and our sins. If we don’t let Jesus eat away our sinful nature and our mere ability to be human; we will never be able to transform ourselves into His image. We will never be able to withstand the devils schemes.  We are more aware of our weaknesses and our failures than anyone else but unfortunately, that doesn’t mean we have the ability to change our weaknesses and our failures. And that is why we need Jesus’ flesh eating abilities. We need Him to permanently remove everything that makes us weak in Him; everything that destroys all of our attempts to stand strong in our faith. Are you thankful for Jesus and His flesh eating abilities or are you constantly checking the mirror to see if your imperfections are getting bigger? When a parasite invades your body, you become weak and after so long your ability to sustain yourself disappears. You are forced to rely on medical treatment until the parasite has been successfully removed from your body. If you aren’t relying on Jesus to sustain you; then you haven’t allowed Him to make you perfect in your weakness. You haven’t allowed your ability to sustain yourself disappear. And you definitely haven’t experienced the freedom that He has for you.

Tonight, I won’t take a pen and draw a circle around my “flesh eating disease” and I won’t sleep as well as I would like because I will have the vision of thousands of tiny spiders crawling out of my cheeks but I will have a talk with Jesus before I go to bed. And during our talk I will give Him my imperfections and my weaknesses and allow Him to eat away everything that he desires. I will even thank Him for my friends who take delight in making my amoeba (or sebaceous cyst) the entertainment for the day.

Verse to remember: 

Galatians 5:16 So I say, live by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.

Romans Chapter 8

Better is One Day in Your Courts than A Thousand Elsewhere

I am the queen of randomness. And sometimes my stories and experiences even leave me asking, “did that honestly just happen?” even though I know it happened because I lived it. And tonight my streak of randomness continued. I went to get coffee with my permanent carpool passenger at the only coffee shop in Fairmont which happens to be located in a gas station. When we went inside we ran into two friends (everyone is a friend to me) I had spent time with over the summer, especially during my rotation. We began talking and after twenty minutes of conversation and laughs we sat at a table. After our unplanned but very fun night of laughs at the gas station caused my friends to miss their movie; we decided to go to Applebees. (I know, I need help with my Applebees addiction) I thought the only random part of my night was watching friendships develop and memories made over gas station coffee until I heard one of the most random stories ever. One of my friends was giving a detailed account of a recent night out. She had asked a friend from school to go to the movies and dinner. During dinner she learned that he had 2 children by discovering their names tattooed on his wrists and he was much older than your typical college freshman. Already blown away by the events of the night, he asked her for a ride home. She said of course where are you going? His reply still leaves her shocked at the randomness of the situation. He lived at the Union Mission. A boy whom she had talked to many times during class and known as the boy who was completing 10 hours of class so he could enlist in the Marines was a homeless father of two. And I thought I was the queen of randomness!

Despite my days of a misfit youth searching for a permanent place to call home; I was never homeless. I always had someone who shared their home with me but more than a temporary shelter; I had a home within the arms of Jesus. Jesus took the random and painful circumstances of my life and gave me a life in Him. He rebuilt me by stripping me of everything I had ever known. As a teenager, I was completely homeless because I didn’t know Jesus. I didn’t know that my true home awaits me in Heaven one day. I didn’t know that I could lose everything I ever owned, ever loved, or ever cherished and still have a place to call home. I didn’t know that as long as Jesus lives inside of me; I have a permanent shelter of protection, I have a permanent house of love, I have a permanent family of others who at one time were also stripped of everything they had ever known. I didn’t know that being homeless had so many rewards. Have you allowed Jesus to take away everything you have ever known in order for Him to show you the home he has built for you? Have you found peace in knowing that Jesus is all that you need? Do you have a reason to sing despite the random and painful circumstances in your life? Jesus will always be waiting to take us back in friends. Jesus is the only place where the response will always be, “Welcome Home.”

Tonight, as I ended my evening by shopping for puzzles at Walmart past midnight, I realized that I am still possibly the queen of randomness. But despite my randomness and brokenness that have at times left me feeling helpless and homeless; I have Jesus. I have Jesus who sings over me and reminds me of his unending faithfulness. I have Jesus who has given me a permanent home in Him and no matter how abandoned I may feel; I find peace when He draws me into His arms. And his warmth and embrace are the only true home I have ever known.

Verse to remember: Psalm 84: 1-2 1 How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! 2 My soul  yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord: my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

Permanently End Your Fear of Public Speaking

Yesterday afternoon, I was asked to give a speech explaining physical disabilities and the rehab process involved by different disciplines to a local high school. When the rehab coordinator at my assisted living facility asked me to do it; I agreed. And then when she told me it was this morning: I puked in my mouth. I had agreed to give a speech to 150 students with less than 24 hours to prepare. Instead of instantly panicking, (why panic? I didn’t know any students at the high school so when I made a blubbering idiot of myself I could walk away and pray I never saw any of them again) I did what any one in my situation would do: I asked for help. (You thought I was going to say, prepare a speech, don’t lie) Yesterday evening, I asked my pastor how he became so good at speaking in front of people. And not only did he let me in on some of his secrets (Give me time and I will figure out the orange juice carton magic trick) but he gave me a perfect illustration to begin my speech with. After practicing my “speech” during my entire 35 minute drive this morning; I entered the high school (one minute early) mentally prepared to stand in front of an entire student body and enlighten them with my impromptu speech on physical disabilities.

I only get nervous to speak in front of people when I haven’t had time to prepare (and by prepare I mean weeks of preparation) for my “speech”. I usually only remember half of what I practiced and talk to fast to remember what my previous statement was so my preparations usually only serve to prevent pure panic when the moment of speaking actually occurs. As I am slowly getting better with my fear of public speaking; I remember that my fear has to compete against a trio of God’s attributes. And not just one trio of God but two trio’s. (Ask me and my fear doesn’t stand a chance) The first trio is the trinity of God: the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit and the second trio is the power, love, and self discipline that comes from God to replace my fear. Today, I wasn’t confident in sharing my message with half awake high school students because I felt like I needed more preparation but I can be confident in sharing God’s message of salvation with others on a daily basis. I can be confident because when I stand before others, I have the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit on my side. I can be confident because He offers me the same power that raised Jesus from the dead. I am confident because the love that God provides never fails. I am confident because my self-discipline in Christ has given me wisdom, proper reasoning and a peaceful mind.  I am confident because my fear is outnumbered 3 to 1 every time friends. When God asks you to speak on His behalf are you a coward or are you confident? Or maybe you have confidence in speaking on every subject except God. Don’t let fear prevent you from being unstoppable in Christ. Don’t let fear prevent you from sharing your speech regardless of how unprepared you feel.

Today, I took on small step in minimizing my fear to speak in front of others. And I took one giant step in allowing God’s power, love, and self-discipline transform me from a coward into a confident woman of God. My voice may still shake when I start talking and 200 pairs of eyes are staring at me but my faith won’t be shaken when I share the love and truth of my savior to hundreds or even thousands of others (I have a strong feeling it will be women) who desperately need to hear my speech. My speech that will never be practiced for weeks because the voice of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, (The trio) out speak me (the one) every time friends.

Verse to remember: 2 timothy 1:6-7 6 For this reason, I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands.  7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.