You Can't Keep a Good Man Down

A few weeks ago, I spent a lot of time stuffing eggs with candy for children to enjoy during my church’s Easter egg hunt and today I found myself voluntarily filling eggs with candy again. Filling generic plastic eggs can be very frustrating when the eggs don’t fit properly together but I was thankful to be reminded of the Easter egg hunt traditions I was a part of as a child. Every Easter, my grandparent would fill up eggs with coins and dollar bills and hide them in the yard for my sisters and I. Abby was too young to get eggs on her own so my pap usually helped her find her eggs so my only competition was my older sister Brandy. She may have been older, smarter, and a faster runner but she was no match for my trickiness. I would shake each egg I picked up in order to discover whether there were small coins, large coins, or dollar bills inside. If my plastic eggs, sounded and felt like dimes and pennies: I dropped it and went for the eggs with dollar bills and quarters. I thought I was a super genius. A rich super genius. It took me a few years to realize that my grandparents waited to see what each of our grand totals were and then added change (or dollar bills) to our piles to make all three of us have equal amounts of Easter money.

As a child, I thought I had mastered the art of Easter egg hunts by discovering what was inside the egg before opening it and as an adult I sometimes think that I can discover what God has planned for my life by putting Him inside a box and never opening it.  I know that I have used this analogy before but my repetition of this example is a reflection of my repetition of attempting to put God inside a box. Every ounce of my being wants to fulfill God’s design for my life and be obedient to the plans He has for my life. But sometimes I get too focused on me. I am not saying I choose myself over God; I am saying that I often focus on how I can glorify God instead of how God can glorify himself through me. I hide God’s glory in a box and in doing so take away from the greatest example of His love: the Cross. I look at the Cross and see me. I see my shame and my sin pouring out of Christ’s body and I see His love for me holding Him there. The Cross is about us friends. But it is all about us in order to demonstrate everything about God: His mercy, His love, His forgiveness, and His sacrifice. How personal is the cross to you? Have you ever truly considered the words of perhaps the most remembered bible verse of all time: “For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16). We commit these words to memory but fail to see that God’s ultimate goal wasn’t to save an entire population of sinners; His goal was to reveal His mercy and love by saving a fallen world of sinners. The ultimate result is the same. But the ultimate purpose is His glory, not our glory. Don’t think I’m implying that God sent His son for His own reputation and not out of His selfless love. I’m implying that all of creation, a creation of guilty sinners, exists as a divine example of God’s perfectly genuine love. And no one knew that love better than His son Jesus Christ. And when Jesus prepared Himself for the Cross; He wasn’t focused on himself; He was focused on God. He didn’t have to endure the beatings, the mocking, the physical and emotional pain and torture but He did. He said His final words on a Cross so His Father’s glory could be revealed. So His Father’s love could become as real to other’s as it is to Him. So you and I could have everlasting life. Can you imagine if Jesus put God in a box? If He allowed God to lead Him to the cross but choose His own glory over His father’s? Jesus knew it wasn’t about Him alone, He knew that it was about His Father. He knew that each and every one of our salvations’ had to be bought by His blood. He knew that by commending His Spirit into God’s hands; God’s greatest example of love would take place and God’s glory would be revealed.

The soldier’s who beat Jesus’ body, nailed his hands and feet to a cross, and placed a crown of thorns upon His head watched Him suffer the most torturous death of all time. And when they placed Him in a tomb; they were convinced the Son of God had been permanently placed in a box. I don’t know about you friends, but I wish I could have been there to see the look on their faces when my King busted through the walls of their box and rose again. Jesus is alive and He is sitting at the right hand of His Father patiently waiting to rip open the clouds of heaven and descend upon this Earth for His creation of sinners who believe in Him as their savior. He is waiting to complete the final chapter of God’s glory.

Easter isn’t about the candy or dollar bills inside of the eggs friends; it is about a Man who is no longer inside the tomb. It’s about our sins that we no longer bear. It is about a God who loves us enough to send His son to die for us. It’s about clinging to a cross that oversees the piles and piles of boxes representing the repetition of God overpowering our failed attempts to contain His glory.  

Verse to remember:

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Ephesians 1:5-6 In love He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

Luke 24 1-6  1 On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. 2 They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, 3 but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. 4 While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. 5 In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? ⁶ He is not here; he has risen!

I Will Walk Through the Valley if You Want Me To

Almost a year ago, I finally decided what path I wanted to take in the world of physical therapy. After my pap’s battle with cancer ended and my gram’s battle began; I knew that I wanted to invest as much as I could into the lives of those battling cancer. I know that it is hard to wrap your mind around the fact that I want to work with dying individuals (I see the look of horror in others’ eyes when I tell them I want to be an oncology PT) and until last week; I never understood why everyone doubted their own abilities (and at time my abilities) to emotionally withstand the demands of watching people die. My perspective had always been: I will make a difference and allow God’s light to shine through me even if only for a short while. My perspective began to change last week when three of my patients said goodbye to their worn out tents and entered heaven within the same week. And the slim, very slim, piece of passion I still held onto inside my heart began to change today when a man I have seen every day for the past 37 days could no longer breathe on his own. As I hugged his wife, I could feel her sobs against my chest and I could hear the sound of the ventilator drowning out the sniffles and tears of his family around me. In that moment, as tears stained my cheeks, I finally understood everyone’s hesitancy and doubt about the path I had found myself on. Determined to walk straight out of the hospital and straight off the path of oncology PT; I knew I had 2 more stops to make before I could finally escape to the security of my car where my tears could flow freely. I needed a glazed doughnut and 2 chocolate chip cookies. As much as I wish I was the recipient of much needed comfort foods; I wasn’t. I have a daily doughnut or ice cream date with one of my patients and today I added a chocolate chip cookie date with another patient. As I was opening the milk (how can anyone eat chocolate chip cookies without milk) for my patient with late stage dementia, he said, “Before you came in I was praying and the Lord said to me; Keep My commands in your heart and I will walk beside of you.” And then he said, “It made me think of you.”  It made me think of you because you walk with me. You genuinely listen to my concerns and you have a sweetness about you that makes me know I have found a true friend away from my home.” The depths of a single sentence sent chill bumps down my arms and tears down my cheeks. Until that moment, my patient had never been able to remember who I was. And he especially didn’t remember that I was the one who took him on daily walks. And he most definitely didn’t know that I was about to create a new path for myself and walk away from the path God had prepared for me; a path that led me straight to my new forever friend.

As promised, I cried (more) as soon as I hit the driver seat of my Honda. But I didn’t cry out of defeat; I cried because I doubted myself and more importantly I doubted God during the valleys of my path. I had allowed Him to lead me down an uncertain road and as soon as I felt fear and the reality of the emotional darkness; I stopped walking with God. Because of my almost permanent detour; I almost walked away from the opportunity to lay my hands on individuals plagued with sickness of the worst form and claim healing for their lives. I almost walked away from the opportunity to stand outside of my patient’s room and pray for God’s peace and comfort to surround their families as they say goodbye to their loved ones. I almost walked away from the opportunity to be a living example of God’s love to so many people searching for a hope to hold onto during their most difficult days. I almost walked away from the opportunity to share not only my secrets to increase physical strength but my secrets to increase spiritual strength. I almost walked away from God as He continued down the path created just for me. And had I walked away; I would have faced darker valleys than I did today. And I would have faced them alone until I again followed God. God never leaves us friends but He won’t follow us. He won’t follow us but He loves us enough to send an angel into our path to remind us that as long as we keep his commands in our hearts; He will walk beside of us. He can only walk beside of us if we choose to take His hand. Take a hold of God’s hand today friends. Trust His commands and never doubt His plan for your life. God has boxes of blessings waiting for you to open along your path. Will you walk straight toward your Father today and discover what He has for you? Will you taste His sweetness and know that you have found your very best friend in Him?

Today, I doubted my perspective to make a difference to allow God’s light to shine through me even if only for a short while. But because I let go of my rope and stopped playing tug-of war with God last August and finally decided to stay on the path of his never ending love; He was able to take my hand and say, “Today in the mist of your brokeness; I thought of you because you walk with me.”  I do walk with Him friends.  Today not only did God renew my perspective to make a difference in the lives of those who desperately need Him; He changed my perspective on the benefits of chocolate chip cookies. I never knew my heart could be so fulfilled without ever taking a single bite of my all time favorite cookie.

Verse to remember:  Proverbs 3:1-6

 ¹ My son, do not forget my teaching,
   but keep my commands in your heart,
² for they will prolong your life many years
   and bring you peace and prosperity.

 ³ Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
   bind them around your neck,
   write them on the tablet of your heart.
⁴ Then you will win favor and a good name
   in the sight of God and man.

 ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
   and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
   and he will make your paths straight

Princess for a Lifetime

I usually pack my lunch in the mornings but I opted to pack my lunch this evening so I could reduce my chances of eating my breakfast in my car tomorrow.(I am not going to promise that my snooze button won’t win out in the morning) After I finished packing my lunch, I realized that all of the plastic Care bear spoons were dirty. (I have a weird habit of preferring plastic cups and silverware over traditional silverware and glasses.) My Care bear spoon is a daily essential to my lunch and all of my co-workers expect me to have it daily. Last Friday, I forgot to pack a spoon all together and three different co-workers commented on my missing spoon. One of my friends said, “She must have packed her own lunch today.” She was referring to the fact that I live a semi-princess lifestyle (If my bed were made for me; it would be a complete princess lifestyle) and when I don’t pack my own lunches; she can tell the difference. Prepared lunches are just the beginning of ways I am treated like a princess. My king and queen, make sure my laundry gets washed and folded (and sometimes ironed). They have my coffee waiting for me as soon as I wake up and buy my favorite flavors of ice cream. And if I happen to miss dinner, I know that I will have a plate waiting on me in the refrigerator. In addition to my pampering, they cry with me when my heart is broken. They eat ice cream (and any other comfort food) with me when I have bad days (and good days). They stand with me as I face an unknown future. And they love me with a love I have never felt before.

I can’t possibly share with you all of the details of my “princess life” because there are far too many to keep track of.  In fact, every day I experience many forms of love that make me feel like royalty not only from my pastor and his wife but from God. God strives to do more than pamper us friends. He strives to bless us more abundantly than the wealthiest most prestige princess(or prince) in the world . When you ask Christ into your heart; you instantly inherit His royalty.  We become renewed in Christ through our faith and repentance and gain instant royal heritage. And His royalty takes care of every area of our lives as long as we are obedient to Him. When we surrender to God, He will overflow our cups. He will pamper us with His comfort and love, He will overwhelm us with His blessings, and He will share with us the bloodline of the King. He is our King friends and he created all of us to be his royal family. He knows our inmost needs and desires. He knows how to comfort our fears and fill our hearts with unspeakable joy. God doesn’t want to just fulfill our fairy tales; He wants to surpass all of our dreams. He wants us to discover every aspect of our princess lifestyle in Him. We can’t be treated like royalty if we don’t allow our King into our hearts. We can’t gain the benefits of our salvation if we aren’t living like the sons and daughters of the King. And we can’t enter our palace (complete with Care bear spoons) if we don’t follow our King faithfully on Earth. Why would you ever want to miss out on God’s pampering? Why would you choose to rule your own life when you could live under the rule of the King of Kings? The riches you will find in Him will extend beyond the greatest happily ever after of all time.  

 I may never move out of my house even if I have to start doing my own laundry and making my own coffee because I enjoy the king and queen  more than the other benefits of my “princess lifestyle.” And I WILL (not may) never move out of the royal family of God  by ruling my own life because I enjoy the presence of my King and the benefits of His royalty more than any “princess lifestyle” I could ever create for myself.

Verse to remember:  Psalm 45:13-15 All glourious is the princess in the chamber; her own is interwoven with gold. 14 In embroidered garments she is led to the king, her virgin companions follow her and are brought to you. 15 They are led in with joy and gladness; they enter the palace of the king.

Breakfast in the Driver's Seat

I have never been a big fan of breakfast (mostly because coffee is more than enough to satisfy my needs in the morning) but I know that it is the most important meal of the day so I always eat something. Usually, I eat something fast, but healthy, and since I have a 35 minute commute to the hospital in the mornings; my breakfast must be easily eaten (or drunk) while driving. This week, I opted for a breakfast item not so easily eaten while driving. I know that eating oatmeal while driving (especially on the interstate) isn’t exactly the smartest decision I have ever made but my craving for oatmeal was too intense to ignore. After two mornings of eating my oatmeal concoction (oatmeal with cinnamon, bananas, blueberries, and crushed walnuts) while driving; my secret was revealed to the much wiser woman of my home (I still have the better driving record) After laughing at her reaction, I promised to wake up earlier and enjoy my oatmeal at home opposed to enjoying it in the driver’s seat of my Honda. I was doing a good job at making smart decisions until this morning when I successfully lounged around in my PJ’s drinking coffee until thirty minutes before I needed to be at church. After a quick shower, I mixed up a yogurt concoction (blueberry greek yogurt, granola, and slivered almonds) and headed out the door.  

This morning, I ate most of my breakfast while I was stopped at a red light and I finished the rest in the church parking lot; but I did manage to enjoy a few spoonfuls on the stretch of road between the stop light and the church. I know I can easily solve my unsafe breakfast ritual by waking up 15 minutes earlier but sometimes the comfort of my bed is too hard to sacrifice at 5:45 AM. And sometimes the comfort of wrong decisions and sin are too hard to sacrifice in life. Every day we are forced to make decision and every day we can choose to live a lifestyle that reflects Christ or we can choose to live a life that reflects our own desires which are rooted in sin. When we catch ourselves in situations where we are actively rebelling against the word of God; we can’t justify why our actions are acceptable. We can’t allow ourselves to make an exception just this one time. And we can’t convince ourselves that if we just ask for forgiveness later, everything will be okay. We can’t do these things because as soon as we start playing with fire; Satan drenches us with lighter fluid. He ignites the small flame of sin and rebellion in our lives and before we know it; our fire for the evils of this world is overpowering our relationship with Christ. Our once fear of God’s final judgment has turned into a belief that our actions don’t change our salvation. Our once desire to serve God with all of our heart, mind, and strength has turned into us actively saying to God, “Lord, I will give you Sunday but the rest of the week is mine.” Our lifestyle that once reflected the One who died on a cross so we could all have life has turned into a lifestyle that pushed the nails further into his hands. Friends, I have rebelled against God in every shape and form of the word. And I have stood face to face with my creator, drenched in Satan’s lighter fluid, convinced that my rationale for my decision making skills would be acceptable on the day of judgment. And as I burned God’s heart with my actions and my rebellion; He showed me what the comfort of sin was doing to my own heart; he showed me the consequences that accompanied the comfort of my decisions. I didn’t need God’s fire extinguisher to put out the fire I allowed Satan to keep burning because my tears were more than enough to put out my fire. And when I needed comfort again; my God was there. He was there to once again remind me of the benefits of making the decision to live for Him alone. Are your decisions allowing Satan an opportunity to ignite your fire? Or maybe you are allowing yourself to make exceptions for your lifestyle choices. If you are aware of rebellion in your life, don’t let the false comfort of Satan keep you from the One who chose to die on the cross for every one of our wrong decisions.

I have created many delicious breakfast concoctions over the years to make breakfast more appealing to me because I know I can’t skip breakfast every morning. (and because I am just plain awesome) I have also created many rebellion concoctions over the years to make sin more appealing to me. And because He is just plain awesome He reminds me that I can’t skip out of Him every morning. And if I do; He will send a much wiser woman to tell me that eating oatmeal while driving is the least of my bad decisions…When I am lukewarm God would rather spit me out of His mouth like vomit.

Verse to remember: Hebrews 10:26-27 26 If we deliberately keep on sinning, after we have received the knowledge of truth, no sacrifice of sins is left 27 but only a fearful expectation of judgment and a raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.

I'm Going to Need a Second Opinion

For those of you who are faithful readers or better yet privileged enough to speak to me on a regular basis; you know that for the past 6 months I have been in quite the tire dilemma with my car. It started off with new tires and then new bushings and a new control arm. After a small fortune and many meltdowns on my behalf; I still had a clunking, shaking right front tire. I considered retaliation to the company responsible for making my shaking tire worse each time I visited their store (and each time they swiped my Visa). I was even willing to let someone bulldoze my car over and tell the insurance company I woke up to my car flattened by a bulldozer…strangest thing. Don’t worry, I won’t be going to jail for insurance fraud or public threats but you may see me in TIME magazine for most determined Honda owner of the year. After many months of pure frustration and anger over the mystery to my tire (and when my steering wheel started driving itself); I did what anyone who was choosing to obey the law would do. I went to three different tire auto body shops and asked them to look at my tires. One place told me my car was in perfect alignment. Laughing out loud in the man’s face I said, “Drive it down the road and if you don’t veer to the right at any time; keep driving because the car is yours.” As he handed me back my keys after his test drive, I took his silence as an apology. Tire store number two told me my best option to realign my car was to replace my brake pads (because new tires can cause a tread imbalance if brake pads aren’t also new) and take apart my steering column to make sure my new control arm wasn’t causing the problem. Basically, the man could have said, “I have no idea what is wrong but if you go along with me, I will have successfully suckered you into buying new brake pads and charged you for hours worth of labor to tell you that your control arm looks fine.” And tire store number three told me, “Ma’am, you need new front struts. You can’t properly align a car when the struts are bad.” Finally, I had my answer (and a knowledgeable, honest mechanic). After calling around to find the cheapest place to buy struts (have I mentioned I am a relentlessly determined individual); I handed over my Honda to be fixed and finally put an end to my tire madness saga.

My determination to put an end to my tire that was chipping away at my sanity each time I started my car was driven mostly by the level of danger I felt I was putting myself in daily. (My level of anger/frustration was a very close second) But what drives my determination in Christ? What drives you? Do I possess the same willpower when it comes to Christ as I do with life issues? When God is leading me down a path with unknown answers and multiple failed attempts on my behalf, I don’t always keep the same determination. I turn to others for answers. I eat massive amounts of ice cream for comfort. I put God in a box and doubt His abilities. I allow Satan to chip away at my faith which ultimately destroys my determination. When my determination in Christ starts to diminish, I begin to rely more on the world and less on Him. The truth is: I am a fighter. (I didn’t earn the name GI by being a whimp) And I will endure much more than most especially for the ones I love. Because I am a fighter, my drive in Christ never disappears but it does take a temporary leave of absence once in awhile. I love Christ more than anyone so it is only natural that I fight the most for Him but during my “leave of absence”; I am driven by my will instead of His will. I am determined to find a four-wheeler path along His road that will get me to where I want to go. I am determined to find a loop hole in His plans that will make my ideas seem much wiser than His ideas. I am determined that God won’t mind an occasional panic attack opposed to prayer, or an extra day of anger opposed to joy, or an extra helping of bitterness opposed to forgiveness, or most importantly; a second opinion from Jay Garcia opposed to a second opinion from Jesus Christ. By choosing my will over God’s will; I have failed many, many times. But I have also learned that my determination to keep fighting is greatest in Him. I fight harder in my walk with Christ because I know that it is the only fight worth every ounce of my willpower. I fight harder because I know that I finally have my answer: an honest and knowledgeable creator. I have handed over my life and allowed Him to put an end to my madness saga.

 Verse to remember:  Isaiah 59: 13-15 ¹³ rebellion and treachery against the LORD,
 turning our backs on our God, inciting revolt and oppression,  uttering lies our  hearts have conceived. ¹⁴ So justice is driven back, and righteousness stands at a distance; truth has stumbled in the streets, honesty cannot enter. ¹⁵ Truth is nowhere to be found, and whoever shuns evil becomes a prey.

Inappropriate Answers

Today I had a patient who had 4 members of her family present when I entered her room to conduct my initial evaluation. Approximately three seconds into the history portion of my exam one of her sisters began answering my questions for her even though she was fully capable of answering my questions herself. I was doing an excellent job of portraying Christ’s love to my patient’s sister until she began interrupting my sentences. After four attempts to finish asking the same question; I skipped the rest of my questions and went straight into my physical exam. Shockingly, I again uttered 5 words before my patient’s sister began finishing my sentences. I wanted to blurt out there is no possible way you know if your sister is experiencing pain when I press on her shins but I didn’t. Instead I chewed on my inside lip and kindly said, “I am going to get her out of bed and help her to the bedside commode. Perhaps, you all could wait in the waiting room while we do this.” The three silent members of the room took my bait, kindly excused their selves and waited outside to respect their family member’s privacy. Her very persistent (and at this point overbearing) sister stayed behind. (I searched for strength among IV poles and oxygen tubing because I knew I desperately needed it.) As we were preparing to get out of bed, I wanted to assess my patient’s ability to perform dressing tasks so I asked her to put on her socks. Knowing her sister was going to interrupt me again and try to put her sister’s socks on for her; I turned toward her and said: “For the rest of my exam, I need your sister to do as much as she can by herself in order to help her accurately.” When I returned my patient safely back to bed; she thanked me and stated that she was ready for a nap. I already knew she needed a nap because her sister told me four times as we (by we I mean all three of us) were walking.

I am not heartless and I like to think that I don’t lack compassion. In fact, my very desire to help people landed me in room 903 this afternoon. But I wouldn’t be very good at my soon to be profession (5 more weeks until I dress up like a hobbit it my regalia) if I let my desire to help people interfere with my abilities to help return them to their optimal level of function. Today, I had to struggle to find a balance between my compassion and skills, and more importantly my patience. Often times when I find myself in need of God’s help, I struggle to find the same balance in my own life. My patience becomes almost nonexistent and I could care less about return to my optimal function; I just want His help. I want Him to provide me with all of the answers and I want Him to do everything for me. I’m not interested in becoming stronger or gaining attributes I didn’t possess before. I’m interested in one thing: How much can God do? Of course, I know God can do absolutely anything He wants. And unfortunately, I know that sometimes God wants me to look beyond answers and quick fixes and remind myself of His plan. He knows  what I need before I need it and e knows exactly what I am going to say and think moments before I actually speak or think. He knows that if He provides me with all of the answers without making me take the test; I will never return to my optimal level of function. God is always the answer friends but sometimes He sits quietly in the corner while we figure out the reasoning for His tests of life. God never intends to make us suffer or more importantly make us doubt His abilities; He intends to make us stronger and rely more on His abilities opposed to our own. Do you give up when God doesn’t immediately give you the answers you want? Or do you trust Him to return you to your optimal level of function? The love and compassion in God’s heart is far greater than anything we will ever be able to comprehend. And He doesn’t struggle to find a balance between His love and skills simply because they can never be separated.

I fully believe my patient’s sister had good intentions when she tried to provide me with all of the answers to my exam today. She loves her sister and her desire to help her interfered with my ability to help my patient. I too have good intentions when I turn to God for help. But sometimes my desire to skip the test and to straight to the answers interferes with God’s abilities to transform me more into the image of His son. Without that constant transformation, I would have lasted two minutes today before I kicked my patient’s entire family out of the room for my exam.

Verse to remember:  1 Chronicles 28:19-20  19“All this,” David said, “I have in writing as a result of the LORD’s hand on me, and he enabled me to understand all the details of the plan.” 20 David also said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.

Personalized Stuffed Animal

I am not ashamed of the fact that I still sleep with a stuffed animal. (I also still drink from plastic cups and watch cartoons on occasion.) In fact, I proudly display Mr. Bojangles in the center of my bed every morning. I wasn’t a huge stuffed animal junkie when I was a child but soon after my parents got divorced, I received a large stuffed rabbit for Easter. One night when I was exceptionally sad, I took my rabbit to bed with me because he fit perfectly around my torso and I could hug him tightly all night long. My family had been divided and I felt alone and scared. My pain had begun to take a toll on me physically and emotionally and the adults of my life were convinced that I was receiving appropriate counseling and on the road to recovery. I, however, only shared my true hurts my deepest pain, and my vast amounts of tears with an oversized stuffed rabbit alone at night in my bed. I slept with my rabbit until I was in high school. I don’t remember how we finally parted ways but I do know that during my high school days; I was too rebellious for everyone, even my rabbit. (For some reason, I never found it appropriate to name my stuffed rabbit) When I was a freshman in college, I again found myself in a situation where my pain had taken a toll on me physically and emotionally. But this time, I didn’t have adults forcing me into counseling. After many months of pure brokenness, I met a girl who became more than my counselor; she became my very best friend. After many late night talks, I found myself starring at a drawing of a tree and I realized that I needed to release my deepest hurts and vast amounts of tears. So I did. I sat on my dorm room floor holding a pillow and cried for many hours. That year for Easter, my best friend who had saved my life months earlier, bought me a stuffed dog. I had never mentioned the constant comfort I found in my stuffed rabbit when I was a child to anyone until now. So when I read her card with the explanation for the gift I wept. And I named my stuffed dog Mr. Bojangles.

Mr. Bojangles has been the recipient of many late night talks involving my most painful scars and my greatest fears. His fur is dirty with my secrets and his body is stained with my tears. But the comfort I feel when wrap my arms around his torso has remained the same for 9 years. My Bojangles has survived the smoke of my grandma’s house, he has had two operations involving a thread a needle, and he has been victim to my cats constant kneading. But that abuse seems mild to abuse I have put him through for the past 4 days. I have made him absorb an abundance of tears, endure my tightest death grip, and share in my deepest pain as often as I could. Mr. Bojangles is my physical comfort but he isn’t the only recipient of my late night talks and he isn’t the only one covered with my secrets and my tears. As I cling tightly to my stuffed animal; God is clinging tightly to me. He is collecting every single one of my tears. He is calming my fears. And He is restoring my broken heart. God is there in the darkness as I cry out alone in my bed and He is saying, “My torso is the perfect size my child. Hug me for as long as you need.”  He is there reminding me that when I feel alone, scared, and sad; all I have to do is wrap my arm around Him. God wants us to find comfort in Him. He wants us to trust Him when the adults of our lives aren’t providing us with all that we need. He wants to be more honest with Him than we are with anyone else. He wants to be the constant reminder of security in our lives. He wants to represent peace, fulfillment, happiness, and contentment to us.  Have you experienced more than just the physical comfort of a stuffed animal? Do you cling to God when you are numb with pain and saddness? He wants to be our Mr. Bojangles friends. And just like a stuffed animal, God will endure with us. He doesn’t care how many times we saturate Him with our tears. He doesn’t count our fears, our mistakes, or our regrets. He doesn’t get sick of our late night talks. And He doesn’t keep track of the endless times we turn to Him for comfort. But He does know His owner. And when He sees His child crawling into bed, reaching for Him; He delights in being pulled in and placed close to their heart.

 As a child, I believed that my rabbit knew all about me and had special powers that adults didn’t seem to possess. And as an adult I believe that Mr. Bojangles has some magical powers of his own as well. But I know that when I share my true hurts, my deepest pain, and my vast amounts of tears with a tattered stuffed dog, I am not alone in my bed. The very one who choose to make me the owner of Mr. Bojangles (and my rabbit) chooses to me belong to Him. He chooses to love my death grips, my snotty nose, my tears, and my pain. He chooses to fit perfectly in my arms every night when I reach for Him.

Verse to remember:  

Isaiah 40: 10-11See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,  and he rules with a mighty arm. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him. 11  He tends his flock like a shepherd:  He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.