Could I Have Been Anyone Other Than Me?

The imagination I created inside my head as a child has remained inside my head long into adulthood. And in my creative mind, I have often imagined what it would be like to be someone else. I will openly admit that I had (still have) a fascination with Michael Jordan. For the better part of my youth, I collected every Michael Jordan memorable possible. I had everything from a 6’6 cardboard cutout to his rookie card.  And during my basketball career, every time, I laced up my air Jordan high tops, I pretended to be Mike. ( I didn’t stick out my tongue for concentration; I bit my lip) Not only did I want to be (and pretend to be) Michael Jordan on occasion; I wanted to be the drummer in the Dave Matthews Band. My fascination wasn’t with carter Beuford but with Dave Matthews himself. But I didn’t want to be Dave Matthews; I wanted to jam out with him during Warehouse or Grey Street as 50,000 fans sang along. (It is a tie between Carter and Boyd Tinsley but drums are way cooler than a violin) And during every concert (almost 30 of them) I entered the world of DMB and with my arms going in different directions and my feet dancing in circles; I pretended to be a part of the brilliance within my favorite band.

I have imagined living a day in the shoes of someone I admired throughout my life and for the past 48 hours; I filled the shoes of my biggest hero ever. I wasn’t making game winning shots or creating platinum records; I was being a temporary pastor’s wife. I spent my weekend doing a small fraction of what my pastor’s real wife does every day. I made food for church dinners, I taught Sunday school (completely unplanned but completely rewarding), I was my pastor’s right hand man, I washed my sheets (and lined up the blanket and sheets correctly), and I was even prepared to make hard boiled eggs.  I willingly and humbly accepted every role and responsibility  I took on this weekend because I wanted to love others and give of myself in every way possible. And as I hugged my hero this evening; I didn’t have to imagine what it was like to be her anymore: I just smiled because she was back.  

No matter how many times I pretend to be someone else; I am still me. When I wake up in the mornings there is no mistake for my bed head and my morning breath. I don’t deny my morning appearance and I don’t deny who I am. And the best part is: God doesn’t want me to pretend to be anyone else either. He accepts me just the way I am. I don’t have to impress God or make myself appealing to Him. There isn’t a celebrity status in Christ. He loves me for me. He loves my random words, my weird habits, my exaggerations, my coffee addiction, my sweatpants, and my morning breath. He loves me when I let my ability to be human come before my ability to be Christ like. He loves me when I fail, when I lie (a very rare occurrence), when I sin, and when I fear. He even loves me when I try (key word try) to put him in a box.  Not only does God love me; He created me so He knows the real me better than I know the real me. And because He knows me; I don’t have to pretend to be brave when I am really scared. I don’t have to pretend to be strong when I am really broken.  I don’t have to pretend to understand when I am secretly relying solely on my Faith. I don’t have to be happy when I am torn and sad.  I never have to hide anything from God (we can’t truly hide from God) so He gets the purest and truest form of Jay Garcia ever. And despite the mess that is at times; His love is never make believe. Do you pretend to be anyone other than you? Are you trying to hide yourself from God? Is something keeping you from seeing yourself through God’s eyes? Don’t pretend to be anyone other than who God created you to be. Don’t make God’s love and adoration for you a pretend aspect of your life.

I will never feel the thrill of winning an NBA final with a game winning shot and I will never be able to give a double encore because a sold out venue refuses to leave until they hear Two-Step (best version of Two-Step ever) but I will be able to fill the shoes God created for me. And every time I am fortunate enough to trade places with the lady who single handedly helped me trade in my sinner shoes  for my Jesus shoes; I am one step closer to my ultimate hero who I will finally meet when I enter heaven.  (And I am one step closer accepting the fact that bed making and ironing are necessary everyday)

Verse to remember:  Psalm 139:13-14 For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Delete Browsing History

I know it is hard to believe because I seem so put together on paper but the living flesh form of Jay Garcia is forgetful. I don’t go to the store without a grocery list. I don’t put one item in a suitcase until I have finished my list of needed items for my trip. I have a Christmas list of gifts for others months before I buy a single item. I make Saturday lists (which don’t start until at least 11) of errands, chores, movies to watch, and phone calls to make. I make lists of blog ideas, scriptures to remember, and prayer concerns. So, maybe forgetful isn’t accurate; it is more like I am a list maker. I do better with a list; I feel more prepared with a list. (And it is a good thing I am good with lists because following a list is a requirement to live in Wilson Estates) Today my list making (and following) escalated to a new level. I didn’t become more obsessed with lists and preparations than I already am; I got a voice recorder as a gift. (From the man who makes the second best cup of coffee I’ve ever had) Now that I have a voice recorder, I can keep track of my grocery lists, blog ideas, prayer concerns, and my to-do lists constantly. I can finally make sense of the roller coaster inside my brain because when I forget a thought I held in my head just moments before; I can hit play and poof the thought returns. (It will be like talking to myself all day long)

In my life, a list serves as a reminder of what I have to do. And without my lists; I would be more forgetful (and lazy) than I already am. I am thankful for my lists of reminders but I am more thankful that God doesn’t make lists. I am thankful that when He hears me call out His name; He doesn’t turn to His list that contains all of my faults, sins, shame, and disobedience. I am thankful that instead of keeping track of all of my wrong doings; He keeps track of His grace. When you truly ask God for forgiveness; he deletes your past instantly. He removes the hurt, shame, pain, and bondage of your past and it is gone forever. Our salvation in God ensures us eternity with Him but if we don’t put it in our minds that God doesn’t keep a list of our mistakes, we will miss out on the satisfaction of our salvation. We will believe the lies of Satan and allow him to make us feel unworthy of God’s love. We will deny God the ability to give us the abundant and rewarding life He has planned for us. Through God’s forgiveness we will experience true freedom in Him; we will have the peace He desires for all of us.  Are you glad God doesn’t make lists of your past? Have you asked Him to delete all of your lists? Have you experienced true forgiveness?  Don’t add to your list of hurt and turmoil. There is nothing that is too big for our God. But don’t mistake His love and power for greed. He won’t delete any list that isn’t given to Him. He won’t wipe away our past without a true confession and belief in Him. He won’t begin to transform your past into His glory until you add Him to the top of your daily to-do list.

Tomorrow, I will begin my new list making with my new recorder but I know there will be times when I use a tangible list opposed to a verbal list because my brain works better when I can visualize things. And God’s brain works better when He can visualize things too. But He isn’t looking at a written record of my past; He is looking at His plans for my future saying, “The only thing you need to remember my child is this: I am God. And the list of blessings I have for you is beyond anything you could ever imagine.” (And remember to take the lint out of the dryer on Mondays)

Verse to remember:  Psalm 103:11-12 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; 12 as far as the East is from the West, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

I'll try the...

Tomorrow (and every Tuesday for the next 6 weeks), I have to go to a new location for my rotation. A new assisted living facility means, a new billing system to learn, new resident names to remember, (today during our staff meeting I had to ask who two patients were because their names didn’t set off any red flashing lights in my head), a new CI to work with, and a 40 minute commute. But today as I was getting the information for tomorrow I wasn’t worried about the unknown of a new facility or my long commute (I am excited to enjoy an extra cup of coffee during my drive); I was worried about the dress code. For three weeks, I have worn Khaki pants and a blue polo to my rotation every morning. And despite being confused for a Walmart employee by a man looking for a canned ham (he couldn’t have been looking for an easy item) when I went to Walmart after work; I love having a dress code.  I love knowing exactly what I am going to wear in the mornings because I don’t waste time trying on 6 different outfits and more importantly I don’t iron 6 different pairs of pants. (and then ultimately decide on the first pair I ironed) If I didn’t have a dress code, I would try many different outfit combinations because I like to try out all of my options. (and because my thighs are larger than my waist so I have a battle with almost every pair of pants in my closet) My excessive option selection isn’t limited to my wardrobe. When I am standing in front of an ice cream counter; I am the employees worst nightmare. I try every kind at least once and then I pick my top three choices and try them again. And you never want to tell me to pick a restaurant because I love food, friends, and fun. And I can talk myself into any restaurant involving all three.

I am not one of those individuals who will begin deep breathing (into a bag) if every hour of the day doesn’t go as planned and I am definitely not a perfectionist. In fact, I love adventures, unplanned coffee dates, and lazy Saturdays. But when I can’t make up my mind; I am very talented at trying out as many options as I can. Unfortunately, I have tried every option of sin Satan laid in front of me before I made up my mind to finally follow Christ. Trust me friends, my plan was never to explore all of my sin options before making a decision. Once I asked Christ into my heart, I had no intentions of ever sinning again. And in my naive young mind, I believed I wouldn’t. I had Jesus living in my heart; how could I sin with Jesus?  What I didn’t fully understand at 14 was that Satan would provide me with every option of sin imaginable. I thought I was the queen of seeking out options until I met Satan. Settling on a decision isn’t part of who he is. He will never be satisfied with our decision to choose Christ over sin. He will never stop providing us with the option to trust the lies that come from his lips. And friends every word he utters is one big fat giant LIE! When you think you have finally defeated Satan and sin doesn’t appeal to you in any form, flavor, or option; he will explore new ways to test your faith and cause you pain in hopes of reigniting your desire to take him up on one of his options. I have stood at the counter of Satan and tasted all of his schemes. I have dressed myself in his filth. And I have eaten from his garbage pit. Every option I explored finally allowed me to realize one thing. I could have everything Satan offered but it didn’t mean anything if I didn’t have Jesus. And we can’t have both friends. The option of sin and Jesus together won’t work. Our option selection stops there. We can either choose sin or we can choose Jesus. Are you tired of choosing Satan? Are you tired of the selections he offers? Are you frustrated because your talents of exploring every option are leading you to a dead end every time? If you are, limit yourself to one option: Jesus. And let me tell you a secret…Jesus trumps every option Satan provides.

I love ice cream, wide legged pants, and good food so I usually try a few options before I make up my mind. Despite a variety in new menus, new flavors, and new styles; I usually (85% of the time) opt for some form of a chicken entrée, maple/caramel nut ice cream, and Gap pants (they have the best waist to thigh ratio). I know me better than I like to admit and I definitely need to listen to myself more than I like to admit. But God isn’t shaking His finger at me saying, “Listen to yourself.” He is giving me the option to shake my finger at Satan and say, “Listen to me. I will choose Jesus every time.”

Verse to remember:  James 4:4 You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.

Why Not?

Tonight, I watched another love story. I don’t know why I do this to myself. Unlike a typical who watches a love story and finds a renewed hope for men who act (and look) like prince charming; I watch a love story and wait for the ultimate happy ending. I am amazed at how the same plot can be used and changed into so many different story lines.  Every love story contains 2 people who fall in love but face some form of tragedy or “wrong timing” and then go to the ends of the earth to confess their love for each other by the time the credits scroll across the screen. And tonight was no exception for:  a love story in 50 words or less by Jay Garcia. Although, the movie was a romantic comedy so I did find delight in some good movies quotes (and popcorn).  During the main couples quest to find love, the lead actress refused to accept an offer to go on a real date with her “friend with benefits”.  His response was, “why not?” If he was wrong, nothing changed. They continued their relationship just as it was and she didn’t lose anything. If he was right, another perfect ending for another love story. (For 7 dollars, you can find out the answer)

I don’t dislike love stories; I just prefer a good car chase or murder mystery movie with a hard core, rebellious actor. (I love football and boy movies…just add that to my list of awesomeness) But unfortunately my life represents a love story. My love story doesn’t involve a prince charming, flowers, dinner dates, or long phone calls. My love story involves sharing the love of Christ with everyone who will listen. And the companionship, love, fulfillment, and happy ending that Christ provides is worth the plot every time friends. Every love story, even my love story for Christ, has to have some type of big event occur before the happy ending. And the “big event” in all of our love stories for Christ is salvation. Unfortunately, everyone in my life doesn’t have the same desire and passion to love and serve Christ but everyone was created for this very reason. As I continue sharing Christ with others, I am going to use a simple philosophy used over and over again in Hollywood: Why not give Jesus a chance? If I am wrong, you don’t lose anything. Instead, you will have lived your life with a desire to follow the fruits of the Spirit: love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. You will have lived each day in pursuit of God and his unfailing love. But if you are wrong and choose to ignore my invitation to share Jesus with you; you lose everything and inherit an eternity in hell. When you fall in love, it is only natural to be overwhelmed with all of the emotions involved. And most girls begin to pick apart the love that is forming before we accept it (we just can’t help it). When you fall in love with Jesus, you can’t pick apart the love that is forming but I can assure you that you every emotion you feel will lead you back to the God who loves you. So, my question to you is: why not give Jesus a chance? If I am wrong, you don’t lose a single thing. But if I am right, you can thank me in heaven. (I will be the one in worn sweatpants constantly worshiping my king)

If you have ever watched a love story you know that there is always a happy ending. (and tears) In the end, love always prevails. If you have ever asked Christ into your heart you know that there is always a happy ending.  (And constant tears of joy) And His love always prevails . I will always be able to describe a love story in 50 words or less but there will never be a word limit to describe the love story I am experiencing and sharing in Christ. (For free, you can continue reading my blogs until I reach my perfect ending in my perfect love story)

Verse to remember:  1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers. 8 Love never fails.

This Heart Belongs to Jesus

Today at work, one of the residents of the assisted living facility came up missing. Every door that leads to an outside exit has a code and if the door opens without the code being entered an alarm goes off. (Unfortunately, I set the alarm off for the PT gym daily) When the PTA I work with discovered that our patient was missing there was an even greater concern for his whereabouts because no alarms had been set off prior to his disappearance. The last person to see him within the facility was his CNA who laid out his clothing three and a half hours earlier. The panic had set in and every extra set of eyes was frantically looking for the occupant of room 102. The man who was at the center of our manhunt had a history of escape tactics before his recent decline which only added to the distress of every employee. After a 30 minute search of the building, we found him. He was taking a nap in another resident’s bed. When they woke him up, he responded by saying, “Just leave my lunch. I want to lie in bed a little longer. The sun feels good.” He had apparently traded in his private room (a rarity in this facility) equipped with a flat screen TV and a recliner for a cramped double occupancy room simply because he wanted to enjoy a nap in the sun. Not only did he have to give up the comfort of his mid-afternoon nap but his lunch didn’t come until after he completed an hour on physical and occupational therapy.

I haven’t wondered into a stranger’s room to take a nap (mostly because I am not fortunate enough to delight in an afternoon nap) but I have found myself lost at times.  And when my faith and the reality of life are on opposite sides of the spectrum; I too want to feel the goodness of the Son.  Just because Christ lives in my heart doesn’t mean I don’t struggle to find my way at times. It doesn’t mean that I am immune to pain, defeat, trials, or tragedy. But it does mean that His arms hold me together when everything falls apart. It does mean that He is the only cure for my heart.  It does mean that my pain is only temporary. It does mean that I can never truly be lost because I belong to Jesus.  Because I belong to Jesus, I don’t have to spend time searching for answers, opportunities, or happiness. I don’t have to add panic, fear, isolation, and worry to my life. I don’t have to be alone ever.  I don’t have to do anything but enjoy the goodness of the Son. Do you belong to Jesus? When you feel lost, alone, scared, or defeated do you allow yourself to enjoy the presence of the son?  Or do you spend your days wondering around pretending to be someone else to escape from the isolation of your life? Jesus doesn’t want us to feel alone ever. He wants us to trust Him. He wants us to accept His invitation to belong to Him. He wants us to give up our personal authority and live by His authority. His authority that will guide every aspect of our lives ensuring that we are never ever lost.

Every resident of the assisted living facility where I am doing my rotation has their name on all of the personal belongings in their possession. And every wheelchair has a label which says, “This wheelchair belongs to (the resident’s name).”  Despite the staff’s best attempts to return items to the proper resident and prevent chaos; items still come up missing and on occasion someone takes an afternoon nap in the wrong bed. I don’t write my name on my underwear or my toothbrush but on my heart there is a label that says, “This soul belongs to Jesus.” And despite the fog of life that makes it hard to see and despite my desire to collapse (in the wrong beds); I will come alive and find my way through the name that is written on my heart.

Verse to remember: John 8:47 He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God.

What You See is What You Get

Surprise, Surprise,  it is Wednesday night and I found myself at Applebee’s…again. Because of my (almost) weekly appearance there on Wednesday nights I am very familiar with the menu, the karaoke crowd, and the waiters. (Ester knows to keep the diet cokes coming) Although I am familiar with everything about Applebee’s; the other people trying to enjoy their dinner and the karaoke selection aren’t familiar with me. So tonight when I busted out my maracas (thank you Bonnie for an amazing gift), my air guitar, and my steak knife drum set, I quickly became the center of attention. I couldn’t help it that they played songs (The Summer of 69, Love Shack, and Pour some Sugar on Me) that instantly required me to turn our corner table into my personal rock band stage. My other band members found humor in my singing and percussion skills and even joined in on a few songs. At some point during our jam session/half off appetizers, one of my friends said lifetime couldn’t even depict an accurate movie about you. For the record, Lifetime couldn’t make a movie about me because NO ONE could accurately represent my complete randomness. Somehow our movie conversation turned into a conversation about my life depiction in heaven when I finally meet God. (I said, He will pass out tickets to this event and I would stroll out to pyrotechnics) As we were laughing at my ability to have more fun than most can dream of; I said, “I can’t help it. What you see is what you get.”  And to the fortunate folks at Applebee’s tonight; you are more than welcome for the free entertainment.

Hopefully by now, you have realized that every single day of my life could be a lifetime movie in itself because I don’t believe in ordinary days. And God most definitely doesn’t fill my life with ordinary daily events. (or ordinary friends) Whatever the situation; I remain me. I remain me even when everyone else around me is pretending they don’t know me or are checking out the scene to make sure no one recognizes them. I remain me because I just can’t help myself. And friends, God remains God because He can’t help Himself either. He can’t help but to forgive us when we ask Him to forgive us for going back to the very sin He delivered us from time and time again. And despite the times when we are so undeserving of His blessings and His love; He doesn’t know how to give any less of Himself.  Whatever the situation, tell yourself, “He alone is God.” He alone can do anything He wants. He can release loved ones from a life of sin. He can provide in ways we can’t even begin to imagine, He can heal our bodies, He can (and will) honor the desires of our hearts. He can change any situation because He never changes. He never stops loving us. Are you thankful that God never changes? Or do you constantly forget who God is when you find yourself in the valley? Does the God who sent His son to die for us get replaced with a God who allows terrible things to happen? Or do you allow the power of your pride to replace the power of God who reigns over everything.  I don’t exchange my love for life and my passion for laughter for substitutes because when I do I deny myself (and everyone around me) the chance to be me. And I don’t exchange the God I love so much for substitutes because when I do I give Satan an opportunity to try and convince me that God doesn’t remain the same in ALL situations.

Although I aim to be polite, compassionate, and most importantly Christ like; I have no reservations or misconceptions about who I am. What you see is most definitely what you get. And yes that means I will continue to have concerts in the corner booth at Applebees, I will continue to sing in High/Low, and I will continue to add the suffix “izes” to the end of words when I order. (Imagine the fun I have outside of restaurants) Although we sometimes fail, there are no misconceptions about who God is. What you see is most definitely what you get. He will continue to perform miracles, He will continue to love us, He will continue to forgive us, and He will continue to be God in every situation. He will continue to be God because He doesn’t know how to be anything but perfect. And in His perfectness; He gave me some awesome one man rock band skills.

Verse to remember: Isaiah 37:16 O Lord Almighty, God of Israel, enthroned between the Cherubim, you alone are God over all the Kingdoms of the earth.

It Just Keeps Getting Better and Better

Aside from loving God, my favorite thing to do is laugh. (Eating ice cream is my third favorite) I honestly welcome every opportunity to provide laughter, join others in laughter, and seek out laughter. Thankfully, God has provided me with friends who appreciate my laughter and who provide me with many, many laughs. (I need Amy to get well soon because I am in need of the laughter only she can provide) And today He blessed me with an after church lunch filled with laughs compliments of Jess. She is a walking book of hysterical stories and one line quotables. As we were eating lunch, she was sharing 2 stories that she had already told me previously. And as she animatedly explained every detail of her stories; I laughed. I laughed so hard I almost choked on my salad and visible tears were forming in my eyes. After she had finished her stories, I was laughing harder than anyone else at the table even though I was the only one who had heard the stories before.  I truly think the second time I heard the stories; they were funnier. I know it isn’t fair to write about stories and not share the details but I am only allowed to publically humiliate myself.  (And you don’t know her lack of rhythm so one story wouldn’t be nearly as funny)

A funny story gets better when you hear it again and again (and again) and no matter how much the victim of the humiliation wants to forget the incident, they can’t. (Especially, if you’re my friend because I will laugh at the incident every chance I get) I share personal “funny stories” daily and I embrace the laughter involved. The funny stories of my life do more than make me laugh; they remind me of experiencing God. Experiencing God doesn’t always make me laugh but I normally do have a smile on my face and tears in my eyes when I experience Him. My stories remind me of God because each time I hear from Him; it gets better. Each time I hear from Him; I can’t forget about  His story that He has entrusted to me to share. Despite the fact that I know what to expect when I submit my heart to Him each morning and despite the fact that I think I know every detail to His love; I am the one soaking up His presence more than anyone else. Each day when I allow Him to tell me the stories of His love, His promises, His greatness, and His perfection; I can’t wait for the next time to hear it again and again. When you experience God, does it get better each time? Does his existence leave a lasting experience? If experiencing God doesn’t blow your socks off time and time again then you aren’t truly allowing yourself to experience Him to the fullest. You aren’t allowing Him to make your life complete with His stories. I experience God daily. And some days are more powerful than others but every moment spent in His presence changes me. Each day when I hear from God, my relationship grows deeper.  Each day when I hear from Him; he transforms every dark and gloomy situation in my life into laughter. I am able to laugh because I know Satan is going to feel defeat from God once again because my life is in His hands. And each time I defeat Satan, it gets better and better.

Today at lunch, I drank 4 diet cokes.  Because I know I have an addiction to fountain sodas, I told our server to keep me constantly supplied. And she definitely did; she brought me 2 refills at a time (it’s the small things in life that make me happy).  When Jess noticed my collections of cups, she said “did she really bring you two refills?” I responded with, “Yes, she keeps my cup full. It runneth over.”  (I was trying to provoke laughter and it was a success.) My waitress did keep my cup full (and Jess supplied with a bowl full of lemons) but the only one who keeps my cup running over is God. And when He sends His flood; I jump in and stay submerged because I know that when I hear from Him it will get better  and better and better and…

Verse to remember:  Psalm 63:3 Because your love is better than life, I will glorify you.

I Dare you to Cross My Father

Tonight I attended a girls’ high school basketball game with my partner in crime  (both on the court and off of the court) from high school, Jess. It wasn’t much of a game but being in a gym where I played many games over four years brought back memories from my high school days. I remembered the feeling of finally beating the polar bears on their home court (it took 4 years but we did it). I remembered the summer evenings when Jess and I would entertain ourselves with every fun filled activity imaginable. I remembered the days of my misfit youth. I remembered what I envisioned for my life when I was a teenager. I had been independent my entire life and I had a plan that didn’t involve anyone else.  I had a plan that didn’t involving changing one thing about my way of thinking or my lifestyle. I was convinced that as soon as I got my driver’s license; I was on a one-way ticket out of West Virginia. I was going to become a safety engineer (because the schooling was easy and the salary was acceptable) and work for NASA and put an end to whether or not we truly did walk on the moon. And travel. I was going to travel to everyplace possible. (Backpacking Europe will happen in my lifetime)I had everything figured out. I didn’t consider the cost of out of state tuition. I didn’t realize how boring it was to be a safety engineer. And I didn’t value my family enough to put them above my travel plans. But mostly I didn’t consider that my seemingly wise ideas were foolish ideas to God.

My seemingly wise ideas weren’t limited to when I was a teenager; I have seemingly wise ideas now. (I have considered going to the military but now I realize, I wouldn’t pass the bed making let alone the basic training) Sometimes, I become so preoccupied with my ideas that I restrict God. And sometimes God restricts parts of my life because His plan requires restriction. Without His restrictions, I would be in big trouble. (And I would be a rebellious safety engineer)  Some of my biggest success in life came through God’s biggest restrictions in my life. I was able to give life to the part of my heart that exists to invest in the lives of others because He restricted my plan to become a safety engineer. He sent me down the road of physical therapy school instead. And on this road, my passion for people, my purpose to make a difference and my dependence on God has grown deeper. I was able to give back to my grandparents during their battles with cancer because He restricted my plan to bury my misfit youth and move away. He sent me down the road of forgiveness, loyalty, love, sacrifice, and compassion. And on this road I traded in my personal gains for gains for those I love. Most importantly, I was able to recognize Satan’s plots and schemes to keep me from obey God because He restricted my plan to run as far away from Him as I could. He sent me on the road to find Him again. And on that road I found contentment in being powerless; I found enjoyment in His restrictions.  Do you miss out on the joy of enjoying what God has for you right now because you are too consumed with the restrictions placed on your life?  Are you allowing Satan to distract you? Whatever God is restricting right now in your life, is for your own good. When we obey Him, we make Satan’s wise ideas foolish and send Him down the road of destruction alone. And when Satan is on that road, he will find defeat over and over again.

After a night of good laughs and heart to hearts; Jess said, “I dare you to cross her dad.” You obviously weren’t sitting in the Honda with the three of us (Kale completed our triangle) to understand her comment. But you didn’t have to be present to tell Satan, “I dare you to cross my Father!” No one can restrict God…ever. And I am very thankful for that especially since my most thought out, fail proof, detailed plans would have restricted every blessing in my life.

Verse to remember:  1 Corinthians 1:25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.

I Don't Have to Pretend to Be Me

Today was my third day at my rotation and a very interesting day it was (only 7 weeks and 2 days left). One of my patients was very agitated and confused today and kept asking me if I had let her dog out.  I tried to assure her that her dog was safe and she had nothing to worry about. But she kept asking and confusing me with whoever was responsible for her dog (if she truly had a dog). Fifteen minutes into our forty five minute session, I played along and eased her mind by telling her I had let her dog out and even gave him extra treats. For the remainder of our session, my role was no longer to be a PT but to be a dog watcher.  Another patient I had today confused me with her husband when I returned to her room to bring back her slippers she had left in the gym. She wanted a cough drop and was half asleep yelling at her husband to give her one. I tried to explain who I was and offer my help but instead of telling me where she kept her cough drops; she said, “You always steal my cough drops. And I think you stole my blanket.” Before leaving, I found a cough drop and gave her the blanket off of her husband’s bed.  Her real husband didn’t mind me giving away his blanket because he thought his wife kept the room too hot in the afternoons.

I am clearly not a husband and I am not a dog watcher (I am smart enough not to pick a job requiring me to be outside in the middle of winter) but I do have many roles. I am a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a niece, a physical therapy student (sometimes I just wear the nametag), a soon to be aunt, and a friend. ( I am in the process of becoming a professional bed maker but I have a long way to go) All of these roles define who I am and have a substantial impact on how others view me. My roles aren’t limited to labels; they are defined by how I carry out each role entrusted to me. Each day, I want to be remembered for who I am not what titles I possess. And the role I want to be remembered by most; is the role of a child of God. I want my sisters to see me as the one who prayed for them (and their families) daily more than I want them to remember playing barbies, long family car trips, or late night slumber parties. I want my grandparents to see the selflessness of Christ through my actions more than I want them to remember tea parties (with toilet water), sharing pie crust recipes, and lunch dates. I want my parents to remember my attempts to get them to church more than I want them to see my academic success, my maturity, and my accomplishments. I want my patients to feel Christ’s love every time I work with them more than I want them to remember total hip replacement precautions and proper body mechanics. I want my friends to see a witness to the message of truth more than I want them to see my laughs (trust me there are many), my loyalty, and my love.  I want my little Gum nugget to remember the victory I claimed for his life when he was a week old fetus more than I want him to see the spoiling that will occur as soon as he is born. I want every role given to me to be overshadowed by my roles in Christ. I know my role in Christ. I know that I am a sinner in need of a savior. I know that I will meet Jesus one day. Do you?  Or are the roles of your life overshadowing Christ? Our life isn’t defined by roles; our life is defined by how we allow Christ to use us to fulfill our roles. Christ has entrusted us with His children; He has entrusted us with a very valuable role. A role that will ultimately be our legacy.

I can pretend to be anything I want (Tomorrow, I may pretend to be sick so I can stay home and escape the evils of my rotation) and I can add to my list of roles for the rest of my life. But I can’t leave a legacy of Christ if I don’t make Him visible in every one of my life’s roles. I can’t fulfill the most valuable role every given to me.

Verse to remember:  Romans 1:5-6 5 Through him and for his names sake, we received grace and apostleship to call people from among all the gentiles to the obedience that comes from faith. 6 And you are also among those who are called to belong to Jesus Christ.

The Day Of the One

Today, for the entire drive to my rotation, (I got behind a school bus and a county cop was behind me so I actually went the speed limit); I listened to the radio talk about the magic involved with today’s date. (1/11/11) The deejays were interested in hearing stories about those who were born today, those who were getting married today (who gets married on a Tuesday), or those turning 11 years old today. I was interested in hearing a good song, preferably something upbeat since I am still adjusting to waking up at 6:30. By the time I had reached my destination, I had heard one song, heard every word combination possible involving the word one, and had to part ways with my half full coffee mug.  (Not the commute I had hoped for.) The importance of today’s date (along with the unbearable smell of a pressure wound) greeted me as soon as I walked into the physical therapy gym this morning. One of the PTA’s I will be working with for the next 7 weeks turned 25 today. (I told her she should call the radio but she wasn’t interested.)To my surprise, when I left my rotation and was brushing the snow off of my car windows (I have been spoiled in the mornings); I heard the same deejays still talking about today’s date. And this time she was laughing at her creativity of coming up with, “maybe today on the day of ones; you have found the one.”  Again, who gets married on a Tuesday? I put in a CD and jammed out to the first song which thankfully had nothing to do with the number one.

Because of my time spent listening to the interest of other’s regarding the significant happenings occurring today; my brain was curious. But my curiosity didn’t involve birthdays, weddings, or even the number one. My curiosity was about the One. I wondered how many people (on the day of ones) would answer the call to talk about the magic involved with the day they found the Jesus. I wondered how many people would share the feelings inside their heart that occurred during the hour they first believed in Jesus. What is your story about the moment you experienced the One for the first time? What stories are you willing to share regarding the evidence of His grace? Do you need special events, holidays, or dates to acknowledge the Jesus?    I embrace every opportunity to talk about the moment I found the one. And every day I add to the significance of my relationship with Jesus. And because I answered His call to live out my testimony and share my faith; I celebrate the day of the One each and every day. I celebrate my redemption story; I celebrate my place in His history of grace. Jesus is the only true significant happening worth sharing with anyone who will listen. Regardless of how many magical stories we possess; Jesus will always be the most magical aspect to all of our lives.

If I were having a child, I would appreciate bringing a life into the world on 1/11/11. And if I were going to get married on a Tuesday (or ever), I would choose a memorable date such as 1/11/11. But if I were going to choose a significant story to tell (especially over the radio); I would always choose to tell His story depicted through the truths, trials, and laughs of my life. His story that began the moment I accepted Christ into my heart. My redemption story that I live out each day; my redemption story that leads me one step closer to heaven where I will sit with the One; listening to other’s  stories that will blow me away.

Verse to remember:  John 5:31-32 31 If I testify about myself, my testimony is not valid. 32 There is another who testifies in my favor, and I know that his testimony about me is valid.

I Give Myself Away

My motto for 2011 can be described in one word: more. I want more of Jesus, end of story. No short cuts, no exceptions, no loop holes: just more of Him. I have prayed to be used more and been obedient to the Holy Spirit. I have humbly given more of myself and been rewarded in ways I have never imagined. I have claimed more miracles for my church, my family, and my friends and thanked God for His faithfulness. I have planted more seeds to those in my life who don’t know Jesus as their personal savior and watched as God worked in the lives of those who received the seed of salvation.  And for the first nine days; I have experienced more of Jesus than ever before simply by seeking more of Him.  Today, as I was relating my Pastor’s sermon to my personal promises to Jesus for 2011; I knew that I had finally given myself away for His purpose. I was no longer holding onto parts of my life for personal gain. I had finally denied myself, taken up my cross and sought the kingdom of Heaven above everything. The peace and satisfaction of knowing my life is in Jesus’s hands brought me to tears. Tears of the purest joy I had ever known.  As I was worshiping my Jesus and pledging myself to Him forever; he reminded me of my motto for 2011. He was whispering my word to me: “more my child, I want to give you more.” And for a moment I knew that 2011 was going to be my year for more. But that wasn’t the more Jesus was whispering about. He had more for me. No short cuts, no strings attached, no loop holes: just more of Him.

I would be crazy to ignore His invitation to give me more; so I prayed (and cried) harder. I asked Him how I could give more, how I could be used more, how I could do anything that gave Him more glory and honor. And his answer still fills my eyes with tears. He wanted to take more from me. Unlike before, He didn’t want to wash away my sins (my heart desires a life according to His will); He wanted to wash away my hurt. I knew instantly what hurt He was talking about. A hurt I had given to Him many times. A hurt that pierced my soul and within the last week had resurfaced on different occasions.  Twice in my life, I have experienced hurt so suffocating that I lost everything about who I was. I lost all hope and felt lifeless. For years, I struggled with this hurt and then one night alone in my bedroom; I overcame my hurt because I gave it to Jesus and allowed Him to heal my wounds. I cried for hours and with each tear the hurt from a night of violation and the hurt from years of neglect and rejection from my mother began to disappear. I buried my hurt in Jesus that night and I have never taken it back. (And I have no intention of ever taking it back…EVER) Instead of being confused by His wish to remove my hurt; I trusted His wish to wash away my hurt. And because no one knows me like Jesus; I listened to Him. During our talk; He pried open a part of my life I don’t like to revisit often. He was prying it open in order for me to give myself away through my pain. Although I had given my pain away years ago and I have pledged my life into His hands; I wasn’t allowing Him to be seen through me in these areas of my life. I wasn’t allowing His light to shine through me because every time I revisited these dark areas of my past; I expected more hurt instead of more of Him. But today in my aisle at church, Jesus borrowed my motto for 2011 and gave me more of Him than my heart could stand. He replaced the most hurtful areas of my past with more of Him. Because I gave myself away; He gave me so much MORE.

Have you given yourself to Jesus? Have you let Him complete you with His touch? Have you put your life in His hands? If you haven’t; He is waiting to make your new life motto: more.  More of Him than you could ever imagine. No shortcuts, no strings attached, no loop holes: just more of Him.

Verse to remember: Mark 8: 34-35 Then he called to the crowd to him along with His disciples and said, “if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35 For whoever wants to save his life, will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.”

My History Contains Greatness

Today I spent an entire afternoon drinking coffee, eating fattening desserts (twice), searching for Khakis(unsuccessfully since the Morgantown mall seems to thinks it more important to have out spring clothing than winter clothing), and laughing with two amazing friends. (The snow kept the other half of my brain stuck at home) After we survived the drive home in the whiteout, we wanted to continue our night of fun with game night. The Barrickville bus, (my Honda Civic with unlimited miles for 2011) made rounds to each of our homes to ensure we got the best games, movies, and food supplies available to make our night more entertaining. As we were arriving at our destination for the evening; we received a phone call. The friend on the other end of the line had a miscarriage today. Instantly, I began thinking of the pain that had plagued me for so long. My night of laughs (and junk food) was halted and sadness filled my heart. As I listened to my friend on the other end of the phone, I thought of the trials my closest group of friends had endured over the years. We have a history of the pain involved with unexpectedly losing a loved one.  We have a history of the helplessness involved when watching a week old baby boy fight for his life in the NICU. We have a history of the cascade of emotions experienced during miscarriages, sexual assaults, affairs, and drug addictions. Our history is so intense that reliving it brought tears to my eyes but it didn’t bring pain to my heart. My heart was filled with peace. My heart was filled with peace because despite our heart-wrenching events; we have a history of God.

The very gift of our friendship was a part of God’s plan for each of us. He has sustained us with His presence and love. He uses the best qualities in each of us in order to make our friendship superior to most. But our history of God extends beyond great friends, good laughs, and priceless memories. We have the history of God’s greatness in every area of our lives. When I find myself surrounded in pain or when I find myself asking God why; I know that I may not have the ability to grasp His purpose or plan but I have the faith to trust the history of His greatness. And His greatness has been revealed over and over again, especially within a group of beautiful, strong, determined friends. His greatness healed the scars of sexual assaults, His greatness has provided us with 4 BP babies, His greatness provided strong Christian husbands. His greatness broke the bondage of drug addictions. His greatness has given us each other to face this life with. And when we aren’t strong enough to stand or when we just want to sit, cry, and ask God why; we have each other to remind us of how beautiful God’s love really is. My history of God isn’t limited to my friends. And unfortunately neither is my history of pain and heart ache. Many times I have been left crying out to God. Many times I have found myself overwhelmed with the history of my life in just 26 short (or long) years. And when my heart is broken and my cheeks are stained with tears; I remember the deep history of God. I trust Him and love Him more than anything in the world, even more than my history of painful, traumatic, and scarring events.  Are you constantly finding yourself asking God why? Are you consumed with a history of pain and hurt? Have you made room in your heart for God to allow His history to begin? God is beyond awesome friends. And even when all we can see is hurt, pain, and sadness; He still has a strong history of greatness. A history that can be found in every part of our lives when we trust Him.

Tonight despite a phone call from a broken hearted friend; we still had game night. (Tomorrow, I will invade her home hold her in my arms and cry with her) We played Mad Gab and as I listened to others try to figure out a phrase; I laughed until it hurt. I laughed mostly because to everyone else, except the one trying to pronounce the words on the card, the phrase was completely obvious (and because BLT-V was hysterical). God is like the other players in Mad Gab. He is able to make sense of our lives and He understands every detail to His plan when we are left in a state of confusion. We may never be able to understand the intense history of our lives but to the one providing the greatness, it is completely obvious and part of His History in us.

Verse to remember: 1 Peter 4:12-13 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice that you participate in the suffering of Christ so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

Focused on the Face of God

I have been going to the grocery store weekly for my grandmother for over a year. (If you remember she gives me the weekly add circled with her choices for the week) And when my other grandma began chemotherapy 6 weeks ago my weekly shopping trips doubled. (Thankfully, she believes in a traditional grocery list) My trips to the grocery store are usually uneventful and very routine. For some reason when you reach 70 years old, you tend to add the same items to your grocery list each week. But this week, I found myself in unfamiliar stores. I still went to Kroger with my circled weekly add; I just went to a different Kroger than I normally shop at because I was running other errands for my grandma on that side of Morgantown. For the record, shopping at a new store while looking through an add only adds to the chaos of grocery shopping. As I was standing in an aisle, making sure I had added every circled item from the frozen section to my cart; I heard a lady asking about orange juice. Half listening (because she was quite loud) and half wondering where the sliced peaches (in light syrup) would be located; I heard her ask again. Only this time she was shouting. I pushed my cart to the end of the aisle and I saw the woman behind the voice. She was standing by the dairy cooler asking shoppers where the orange juice was. And after being ignored three times, she began repeating the phrase” Excuse me where is the orange juice” at the top of her lungs.  I had no clue where the orange juice was (I spent 10 minutes looking for angel food cake) but someone had to put this nonsense to an end. So I walked up to her and offered to help. Surprisingly, her response was: “Where is the orange juice?”  I helped her find the orange juice section and once there; I left quickly before she started shouting again.

Since the juice section was visible from the scene of the shouting incidence; I am confident that the woman l helped made little effort to find the juice herself. Instead she searched for the hand of someone else to help her. I offer my help instinctively, especially when I see a distressed woman. And when I myself am a distressed woman, calling out for help; God instinctively offers His help. Only sometimes is help doesn’t come in the form of a helping hand. But that doesn’t mean God isn’t there. When I can’t see the hand of God; I see the face of God. I see the representation of truth and love. I see the words of my bible. I see my miracle performing God. I see my best friend who has never forsaken me. I see my strength. I see my hope. I see the throne of heaven and know that the one sitting on His throne remains the same. I don’t need God to do the work; I need to allow God to do His work in me. I need to keep my eyes focused on who He is and not worry about what He can do for me. The truth is, He can do anything. And when I seek His face opposed to His hand; I am more aware of His majesty and power than ever. I am more aware because I don’t lose sight of who He is in my pursuit to expect things from Him. I don’t stand and shout for help refusing to move until He gives me His hand; I give Him thanks and adoration instead. I may cry out for help for days but the face of God never leaves my heart. When you are desperate for God, do you seek His hand or do you seek His face? Does the image of Christ you keep in your heart fade away when you find yourself in need? The next time God instinctively offers His help, remember His words of life. Remember that He may be slow to offer His hand but the love in His eyes is always there.

When the shouting lady of Patteson Drive Kroger finally came face to face with the orange juice counter; she instantly helped herself to the juice that was obviously very important to her. When we cry out to God; He will meet us wherever we are. He will stand face to face with us and allow us to help ourselves to whatever we need in Him. Just because He doesn’t hold our hand as He does the work for us does not mean he isn’t taking us by the hand as He directs our path and leads us to see another aspect of His beautiful image.

Verse to remember:  1 Chronicles 16:11-12 11 Look to the Lord and his strength, seek his face always. 12 Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles and the judgments he pronounced.

We Came as Strangers: We Left as Friends

After reading all of my babble, I hope two things are made very obvious to all of you: I love Jesus more than anything and I love everything about coffee. Since I have an obsession with coffee(keep reading for insight into my love for Jesus), I own a coffee club card to every coffee shop I have ever been to, I get e-mail/Facebook updates daily, I receive coupons in the mail, and I subscribe to free samples randomly to assess different blends and roasts. When it comes to coffee, the perfect cup is freshly ground 8 O’clock Columbian roast with the just enough half and half to make it a golden caramel color. (Dunkin Doughnuts is a close second) But when it comes to lattes, Starbucks Raspberry latte (extra hot with skim milk) takes top prize every time. And today I gave into my addiction (I give into my addiction everyday) and had my second raspberry latte of the week. I don’t have the power to turn down coffee with friends on a normal basis and today my inability to say no was made worse because in one on my many updates; I found out Starbucks was changing their logo. And what better time to check out the new logo than today. Unfortunately, WV hasn’t received the new logo merchandise yet so my cup still had the same logo. (But the deliciousness inside made me forget about the logo) I didn’t get to check out the new logo but I did get to read the back of my cup. (My all time favorite part about Starbucks). And today my cup read the following: “I have shared everything over coffee but once I shared coffee with a complete stranger. After two hours, we weren’t strangers anymore.”  This verse made an evening coffee conversation much better.

I share coffee with someone on a weekly basis and occasionally, I make friends with those sitting around me so I appreciated the words on the back of my cup more than most. But it wasn’t my love for coffee that made me appreciate the words inscribed on my cup; it was my love for Jesus.  I have shared my deepest secrets, fears, dreams, and insecurities over coffee but how many times have I shared Jesus? How many times have I listened to someone I love pour out their heart over coffee and never once included Jesus? How many times have you? To so many people Jesus is a stranger. People we encounter everyday are searching for something more and despite their best efforts they can’t seem to figure out what is missing. Jesus can’t be completely understood or experienced in two hours but in two hours we can make others familiar to Jesus. We can explain His love for them, we can share our testimony, and we can leave them wanting to learn more about the purest truth we have ever experienced. We can brighten days by sharing the gift of Jesus. We can renew hope by bringing a once stranger to life. We can let our friends and family members, or complete strangers know that we care about their eternal soul. We can make an evening coffee conversation much better.

Not all of my conversations over coffee are deep or profound (in the morning I usually speak very little until my second cup) but they are all meaningful.  By including my love for coffee into my daily schedule, I have sipped on coffee and watched as friendships were made stronger, relationships were restored, hearts were mended, and fears released. Regardless of how well I knew the person sharing coffee with me; I left the conversation (and empty cups) feeling more connected to them than before. By including my love for Jesus into my conversations with those who are strangers to Him; I will watch as He works within their hearts. I will lead them to the only one who can restore relationships, mend broken hearts, and release their fears. And after hours, days, weeks, or years they will walk away knowing Jesus Christ and I will continue my daily coffee consumption, looking for a stranger to befriend; a stranger who needs to accept Jesus into their heart.

Verse to remember: Hebrews 13: 2 Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.

Habits of the Heart

In the past 5 months, I have shared with you bits and pieces of my heart and life and today it occurred to me that despite my (almost) daily stories; I haven’t shared with you my strange habits, making me seem more normal than I really am. I thought about my strange habits as I was brushing my teeth this morning. I have an issue with sticking a dry toothbrush in my mouth so I wet my toothbrush before I apply the toothpaste. But that isn’t good enough for me; I have to re-wet my toothbrush after applying toothpaste. (Most mornings, my second application of water flushes my toothpaste right down the drain) To me this isn’t a strange habit because I have done it thousands of times in my life but I realize that most individuals don’t have a tooth brush problem. My toothbrush situation is mild compared to my next habit. It’s not really a habit but a way of thinking that occurs every time I presume I am getting sick. When I start to feel the symptoms of a cold, the flu, a sore throat, or sinus infection: I convince myself that I have white patches in the back of my throat. To me the white patches are a sign of infection and the first sign of a sickness forming in my body. Before I go on it is essential to say that I have seen the white patches many times. But for some reason, I am the only one that sees them. I have asked my friends and family members (until now only a few select people knew about my weirdness) if they could see the white patches and they always laugh and call me crazy. Even a doctor once told me that there is no such thing as white patches. But to me they exist.  And today as I was driving, my throat started to feel scratchy. So as soon as I got to a stop light, I flipped down my visor, opened my mouth and began looking for white patches. If they were there; I would exchange my afternoon coffee for juice filled with vitamin C and try sleeping for more than 6 hours tonight.  But there wasn’t a single white patch. When the car behind me honked to make me aware that the light was now green; I realized why my throat was scratchy. Yesterday afternoon as I was indulging in my first raspberry latte of 2011 (there will be many more thanks to Starbucks gift cards as Christmas gifts); I got something stuck in my throat. (Possibly an unground espresso bean) The aftermath of my mild chocking incident yesterday meant two things: no sickness (or white patches) and another afternoon coffee. (Thanks BLT-V for the invite)

When I see the white patches, sickness follows 100% of the time. So I will continue to believe in them even when everyone else thinks they are just another one of my exaggerated phenomenons.  My white patches personally mean something to me just like my relationship with Christ means something personal to me. When the Holy Spirit leads me to do something; I don’t care how strange it seems to others; I will do it. Everyone else around me may think I am making things up or adding to my list of strange habits but I know what Christ represents to me. I know that when I see/feel His presence and obey Him; the fruit of His Spirit follows 100% of the time.  God manifests himself in me like symptoms of a cold manifest in me. He begins to stir up my spirit and reveals His self to me in ways only I understand. When I listen to Him; he prepares the perfect remedy for me. Sometimes I am the one who needs remedied in Christ and sometimes it’s someone else in my life. Sometimes the cure is immediate and sometimes the cure requires us to ride out the storm. Is Christ a strange habit to you? When He reveals Himself to you, is your personal relationship with Him strong enough to see the beginning signs of His work in you?

When my old roommate (now a physician) would look in my throat and tell me that there weren’t white patches; I would sometimes listen. (My eyes could see the white patches better than her thousand dollar pieces of equipment) And they next day when I woke up completely symptomatic I would say, “Why did I listen to her?”  When the Holy Spirit looks into my heart and speaks to me sometimes I want to say, “Why would I listen to that?” I know if I ignore the presence of God, I will wake up the next day completely symptomatic. And the symptoms of believing that the Holy Spirit doesn’t exist are far worse that believing the white patches don’t exist.  Fortunately for me, I believe in both and will never doubt the manifestation of either.

Verse to remember:  Galatians 2:20-21 20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21 I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing.

Don't Forget to Turn Off the Light

Today, I learned that despite living in Wilson Estates as a teenager; I had forgotten all of the house rules.  So, I have been making a mental list of all of the important responsibilities I must fulfill in order to maintain normalcy in my new home. In one day, I learned that the lint must be removed from the dryer on Mondays, the trash compactor button sticks, the grandfather clock needs attention every third day, the remote control requires a PHD for use, and the outside light is the first switch on the wall (I still think it’s the last switch but the important thing is that I remember to turn it off).  Most would assume I forgot the rules because they aren’t truly rules but the real reason I forgot was because I remembered the perks of living here instead.  I remembered how it felt to have dinner as a family. I remembered how happy my heart became when those living under the same roof as me appreciated my love for Christian music. I remembered praying together every morning before I left for school. I remembered every small thing two people did to make my life better in every way. (I wish I had remembered the practical jokes but it’s slowly coming back to me) Because of my time spent with my two favorite people EVER; I learned the depths of God’s love for me.

And tonight as their phone rang after they had gone to bed; I added to my list of things learned today. I learned it was just the beginning of my grandma’s phone calls (I had given her the number only hours before) and I learned that when you are obedient to God’s will; He will always be faithful. Yesterday, I began my New Year’s resolution and today God used me as the second man for His job. The purpose of my grandma’s late night phone call was to ask me to call her best friend who wanted someone to pray for her oncology appointment tomorrow.  As I sat on the phone with a woman who has battled sickness in many forms over the past few months; I learned that she wasn’t scared or defeated but instead desperate for God to come to her. After I prayed for her, I told her I would come over for a visit this week if she was feeling up to it. Before she hung up she said, “Jay, no matter what I find out tomorrow; I will remember your prayer.” She won’t remember her fear about the possibility of re-occurring cancer, she won’t remember the pain of watching her family hurt, she won’t remember the battle she is facing; she will remember the depths of God’s love for her. She will remember the voice of truth. She will remember the victory we claimed.

Of all the things I learned today (Tomorrow, I will learn how to successfully start a fire), the most valuable was to always remember the faithfulness of God. We will never be able to understand the method God uses for us to learn something new or to learn a tough lesson from Him. But when we are trying to make a mental list of everything we are responsible for in order to uphold our end of the deal; it is more important to remember the promises of God opposed to our own directions to life. Are you too busy trying figure out life that you forget to remember God’s faithfulness?  Or maybe you make a daily list (or in my case a daily novel) of things to remember but fail to add God’s truths to your list. When you allow God’s faithfulness to trump every other memory your brain is capable of storing; you won’t care when you forget to turn off the outside light or when your attempts to start a fire always end without a flame (I redeemed myself by fixing the computer speakers). You will be too busy thanking God for enriching your life with two people who allowed you to experience His love and faithfulness and who don’t mind late night phone calls.

Verse to remember: Lamentations 3:22-23 because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is His faithfulness.

This is a Two Man Job

Today, (after 6 hours of cleaning) I finally said goodbye to 845 Monongalia Avenue. As I mopped floors and vacuumed window sills, I entertained my mind by trying to think of a book title, made a mental grocery list for my grandma, and repeatedly reminded myself to clean out my freezer. (The next occupants of 845 will be inheriting my frozen WVU mugs and cookies from my sister’s wedding) I challenged myself to think about more than just to-do lists while I was cleaning; I challenged myself to come up with a good New Year’s resolution.  I don’t really believe in New Year’s resolutions for two reasons. First, I know myself well enough to know that I can’t abruptly quit/begin something without preparation.  And second, I try to do a self-evaluation on a regular basis. Sometimes, it takes me awhile to listen to myself but I am consistent in examining my life for improvements. A few hours into cleaning my apartment, (my landlord should be very thankful for my OCD cleaning skills) I was ready for a full body massage and for a cleaning service. I was sitting on my bedroom floor taking a break and I said out loud the words I had heard the day before, “this is a two man job.” I started laughing because after one evening, I had already applied my Pastor’s way of thinking to my life. (Thankfully, I applied his love for Jesus to my life long ago). And in that moment the phrase, “This is a two man job” became my New Year’s resolution.

I am not going to make every task I encounter a two man job. In fact, today was the first time in many years I made my bed all by myself (before 11:00 am I may add). But I am going to make every part of my life a two man job with Jesus. I don’t want any area of my life to be void of Jesus. I don’t want to face a single day without Jesus as my partner in crime. I live everyday in pursuit of His plan and strive to make Jesus visible through my attitude, actions, and love for others but at times I make my life a one man job. When I am behind a slow driver, I am most definitely a one man team. I forget that He has everyone of my steps planned out. I forget to cherish alone time with the one I love. I forget that one day, I too, will obey the speed limit. When Customer Service Representatives are impatient and rude I am again a one man team. I forget that they can have bad days. I forget that despite their negative attitude, accusatory remarks, and poor language choices; they are loved by Jesus the same as I am. We all have areas of our life that need more of Jesus but I want my New Year’s resolution to be more than just improving my patience and kindness. I want to start each day by spending time alone with Jesus, allowing Him to show me areas of my life that are in need of Him.  I want to fill the gap for my savior. I want to be used as the second member of His two man team.  Each day I want a new job, a new opportunity to share the love of Christ with someone, a new opportunity to expand the kingdom of God, a new opportunity to complete a task designed specifically for me.  Are you fulfilling your job responsibilities in Christ? Or are you taking on your own roles and responsibilities?  He has a job for all of us. We are all part of His team but in order to get His job done; we must always be allowing Him to work through us.

There are parts of each day that are made better simply by sharing the work with someone else.  And there are times we can’t physically, mentally, or emotionally withstand a situation alone. When we allow our lives to be a two man job with Christ, we win every time friends. We win because He will never allow us to face a situation alone. And we win because with each new job comes a new responsibility that only we can specifically fulfill. I have failed at keeping a New Year’s resolution every year but this year I know I won’t fail. I won’t fail because He has a job for me to do and neither member of my two man team will quit until my job is finished.

Verse to remember: Philippians 1:6 Be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.