Today after my gram’s chemo treatment she wanted to visit a friend who was in the hospital. Not only did she want to visit her; she wanted to get her candy. So I went to the gift shop and bought candy and we made our way to the third floor. As the elevator moved upward and I supported my gram’s weak body; I fought hard to keep the tears inside my eyes. Here was a woman undergoing daily chemotherapy treatments concerned more about a friend in room 326 than her own declining physical abilities. After a brief visit and uplifting conversations; my gram told her friend that we needed to go because I had to drive a long way home and she didn’t want me on the roads late. Again, this woman reminded me of her selfless acts and her strong faith in fighting a disease that I have full blown hatred towards. As we were leaving the hospital, I ran into a doctor that had taken care of my pap during his hospital admissions throughout his battle with cancer. We talked briefly and after learning the reason behind my daily visits to the hospital; he told my gram, “I think she has an S on her chest.” (He had now successfully charmed both of my grandmothers). His words were very uplifting but not necessary. The S he was referring to was the S on Superman’s chest. (Superwoman in my case) He had made a similar comment when our paths crossed frequently months ago and he witnessed firsthand the pure determination I had to put my loved ones life first and still maintain my own schedule and sanity. The only superpowers I possessed both then and now is the ability to scare others with my outward appearance. (I pulled khakis out of my dirty clothes basket this morning but I still shower and brush my teeth daily)
Tonight when I returned to my apartment; I went straight for a caffeine source (Iced tea not coffee, there is hope for me) and sat down to finish my independent study project. Conveniently, my presentation was on palliative care and physical therapy. As I finished my presentation, the depth of the hurt in my heart began to surface. And if the pain wasn’t enough already; I tortured myself more by reading last year’s Christmas card from my pap. Now in a full blown sob fest; my hurt began to rip through my chest and I felt my heart being attacked. I remembered my journey with my pap and my now journey with my gram. And the more I cried, the more my heart tore open. As I pulled my Christmas card close to my chest; I envisioned an S on my chest. But this S didn’t stand for Superwoman; it stood for servant. My journeys haven’t been sustained by my super powers; my journeys have been sustained because I am a servant of the Lord. When God created me, he knew my steps. He knew that He would be putting His mission in my hands. He knew that I would spend my days serving my family, my friends, and complete strangers. He knew that superpowers wouldn’t be enough for me; I needed more. I needed to transform myself into His son’s image. I needed to see the world through His eyes; I needed to humbly give of myself just like Jesus did. Each day when I wake up, I find the strength, the time, and the energy to serve others because I serve Jesus first. Are you a servant of God? Do you humbly lead others by His example? Do you see a world in need not only of your services but in need of Jesus? Because I have chosen to serve God to the best of my ability; I am able to travel on a road few people take daily. I am able to spend my days loving others by truly making a difference in their lives. I don’t give until it hurts; I give until Jesus tells me to stop. I give until His mission for my life is complete.
Tonight, my eyes are swollen, my heart is sad, my body is exhausted, and my superpowers are nonexistent. As I get ready for bed, I won’t be hanging up my red cape. I will collapse into my bed and wait for my mind to stop racing and then drift to sleep. When my alarm goes off a few hours later; I will wake up and as much as I will want to stay in bed, I won’t. I will rise to my feet, paint an S on my chest and say, “Lord send me. I am ready to be your servant.”
Verse to remember: Philippians 2: 1-5 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one, in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.
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