My feet are Numb

Today at work three of the therapists who normally work with the team I am on for the next 6 weeks called off. So, that left one therapist and myself to see 58 patients in one day.  I have only been at the hospital for 7 days and I have been seeing a full case load each day but remained somewhat supervised. But today after my first evaluation, the therapist I was working with said, “Here is the list. We will meet back up at lunch and update each other. If you have questions, page me.” And like that she disappeared down to the 3^rd floor gym. And I headed to a computer to plan my morning. After forming a patient list, I met up with an occupational therapist and began co-treating with her and seeing my previous patients. My day was going just as I had planned until I was asked to do an evaluation on a lady who had suffered a stroke 8 days ago. As a result of her stroke, she was unable to move her right arm and she had limited strength and movement in her right leg. I did a quick review of her chart (gave myself a quick pep talk)  and headed to her room. During my evaluation, I did many things including a sensation test to her right leg. She was able to feel me touch her right foot with my pen but she definitely lacked sensation in her right foot. I was confident that my patient had the ability to stand with assistance, so I instructed her properly and we stood up together. (Definitely a 2 man job but I didn’t have an extra set of hands.) As she was standing, she told me that she knew her right foot was there but she couldn’t feel it touching the ground. She was definitely putting most of her weight on her left foot and I was definitely supporting the rest of her weight with my noodle arms and thunder thighs.

As I was standing with my patient, she felt safe because she could feel my body supporting her even though she couldn’t feel her right foot. And she knew that no matter what; I was not going to let go. Letting go of a patient would go against everything I have learned in the past 3 years and it would go against every piece of safety engineering knowledge I still posses in my frazzled brain. And letting go of Jesus should go against everything we have learned as Christians but for some reason we still do it. When I can’t feel Jesus in my life, I don’t always assure myself that even though I can’t feel Him; He is still there. Instead, I let go of Jesus. I let go of His promises and I let go of his perfect plan for my life. I let go of my faith and my hope in Him. I let go of His truth that I hold within my heart. I let go of the very one who is supporting me when I can’t stand alone. I let go of the only one who can returning the feeling to the parts of my heart that have become numb. Jesus never leaves us friends. I know that we have all faced trials and situations where we were too broken to feel Jesus at work in our lives. And sometimes during those trials and situations we cry out to Jesus more than we ever have in our entire lives and still feel like He has let go. I promise you, Jesus didn’t let go. He is there among our hurt, our defeat, our tears, and our heartache. He is there with his nail pierced hands and scared torso bearing the weight of our burdens and pain. He is there holding onto our noodle arms and weak thunder thighs with a grip too hard to loosen because long after we have let go of Him; He remains prepared to hold on until the day we finally feel the physical embrace of the one who refused to let go.

It takes me awhile to recover when I sleep on my arm wrong and wake up with a tingling, burning arm. So I am positive, I wouldn’t tolerate a temporary or permanent loss of sensation without a great deal of difficulty. Imagine standing and only being able to feel one of your feet. (I claim the blood of Jesus over all of you and pray that you never experience this) Now, imagine someone making you stand on the leg you lacked sensation in at the top of the Empire State Building. Unless, you were desperate to meet Jesus, you wouldn’t do it. So why would you let go of God when you can’t feel Him? Unless you want to be standing alone on top of one of the tallest buildings in the world; I would hold on. Not only am I holding on; I am confident that no matter what; He won’t let go.

Verse to remember:  Hebrews 13:5 “Because God has said, “NEVER will I leave you: NEVER will I forsake you.”