I Will Walk Through the Valley if You Want Me To

Almost a year ago, I finally decided what path I wanted to take in the world of physical therapy. After my pap’s battle with cancer ended and my gram’s battle began; I knew that I wanted to invest as much as I could into the lives of those battling cancer. I know that it is hard to wrap your mind around the fact that I want to work with dying individuals (I see the look of horror in others’ eyes when I tell them I want to be an oncology PT) and until last week; I never understood why everyone doubted their own abilities (and at time my abilities) to emotionally withstand the demands of watching people die. My perspective had always been: I will make a difference and allow God’s light to shine through me even if only for a short while. My perspective began to change last week when three of my patients said goodbye to their worn out tents and entered heaven within the same week. And the slim, very slim, piece of passion I still held onto inside my heart began to change today when a man I have seen every day for the past 37 days could no longer breathe on his own. As I hugged his wife, I could feel her sobs against my chest and I could hear the sound of the ventilator drowning out the sniffles and tears of his family around me. In that moment, as tears stained my cheeks, I finally understood everyone’s hesitancy and doubt about the path I had found myself on. Determined to walk straight out of the hospital and straight off the path of oncology PT; I knew I had 2 more stops to make before I could finally escape to the security of my car where my tears could flow freely. I needed a glazed doughnut and 2 chocolate chip cookies. As much as I wish I was the recipient of much needed comfort foods; I wasn’t. I have a daily doughnut or ice cream date with one of my patients and today I added a chocolate chip cookie date with another patient. As I was opening the milk (how can anyone eat chocolate chip cookies without milk) for my patient with late stage dementia, he said, “Before you came in I was praying and the Lord said to me; Keep My commands in your heart and I will walk beside of you.” And then he said, “It made me think of you.”  It made me think of you because you walk with me. You genuinely listen to my concerns and you have a sweetness about you that makes me know I have found a true friend away from my home.” The depths of a single sentence sent chill bumps down my arms and tears down my cheeks. Until that moment, my patient had never been able to remember who I was. And he especially didn’t remember that I was the one who took him on daily walks. And he most definitely didn’t know that I was about to create a new path for myself and walk away from the path God had prepared for me; a path that led me straight to my new forever friend.

As promised, I cried (more) as soon as I hit the driver seat of my Honda. But I didn’t cry out of defeat; I cried because I doubted myself and more importantly I doubted God during the valleys of my path. I had allowed Him to lead me down an uncertain road and as soon as I felt fear and the reality of the emotional darkness; I stopped walking with God. Because of my almost permanent detour; I almost walked away from the opportunity to lay my hands on individuals plagued with sickness of the worst form and claim healing for their lives. I almost walked away from the opportunity to stand outside of my patient’s room and pray for God’s peace and comfort to surround their families as they say goodbye to their loved ones. I almost walked away from the opportunity to be a living example of God’s love to so many people searching for a hope to hold onto during their most difficult days. I almost walked away from the opportunity to share not only my secrets to increase physical strength but my secrets to increase spiritual strength. I almost walked away from God as He continued down the path created just for me. And had I walked away; I would have faced darker valleys than I did today. And I would have faced them alone until I again followed God. God never leaves us friends but He won’t follow us. He won’t follow us but He loves us enough to send an angel into our path to remind us that as long as we keep his commands in our hearts; He will walk beside of us. He can only walk beside of us if we choose to take His hand. Take a hold of God’s hand today friends. Trust His commands and never doubt His plan for your life. God has boxes of blessings waiting for you to open along your path. Will you walk straight toward your Father today and discover what He has for you? Will you taste His sweetness and know that you have found your very best friend in Him?

Today, I doubted my perspective to make a difference to allow God’s light to shine through me even if only for a short while. But because I let go of my rope and stopped playing tug-of war with God last August and finally decided to stay on the path of his never ending love; He was able to take my hand and say, “Today in the mist of your brokeness; I thought of you because you walk with me.”  I do walk with Him friends.  Today not only did God renew my perspective to make a difference in the lives of those who desperately need Him; He changed my perspective on the benefits of chocolate chip cookies. I never knew my heart could be so fulfilled without ever taking a single bite of my all time favorite cookie.

Verse to remember:  Proverbs 3:1-6

 ¹ My son, do not forget my teaching,
   but keep my commands in your heart,
² for they will prolong your life many years
   and bring you peace and prosperity.

 ³ Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
   bind them around your neck,
   write them on the tablet of your heart.
⁴ Then you will win favor and a good name
   in the sight of God and man.

 ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
   and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
   and he will make your paths straight