Swaddled to Satisfaction

For all of my A-list readers, you know that I always choose to write about some random daily encounter or daily thought that triggers an idea about the most important relationship of my life: my relationship with Jesus. And for the next 8 days ya’ll (I have picked up a little Texas slang) will be hearing about my newest relationship: my relationship with my nephew Hudson. I’ll be writing about him because I literally spend my entire day with him (If you could smell his skin and see his face, you would spend all day with him too) so he consumes most of my daily thoughts and encounters. And last night for the first time in his five short days on this Earth; our encounters weren’t very pleasant. In fact, if he didn’t steal my heart in his rubber ducky footed onesie, his three hour screaming fest may have pushed me over the sanity cliff. My poor little angel monkey(Hudson has many names from Aunt Jay because every other word out of my mouth is some form of baby babble) has acid reflux and every time (no exaggeration, ever time) we put him in his pack and play; he wailed out in pain. We tried to swaddle him, we tried gas relief medicine, we tried a sound machine, we tried different sleeping positions, and we tried rocking him but his little tender tummy won out every time. The only time he would be completely satisfied was if someone would hold him. During the day, I draw straws with grammy and wait for mommy to take a nap so I can have snuggle time but my competitive nature wasn’t as competitive at two AM. His mommy and daddy endured most of the sleep deprivation and helplessness of watching him be in pain but as I laid awake in my bed; I prayed so much that his reflux would go away and he would find satisfaction in one of his parent’s many attempts to relief his pain.

It took my brother-in-law Ryan, a few hours of sleep and some persistent observation of his son to develop a new sleeping plan. He elevated his crib mattress with a towel roll, used a new swaddle blanket, turned on the sound machine monkey, and placed wedges beside him in his crib. We all held our breath as Ryan placed Hudson in his crib, (I prayed and debated whether I wanted iced coffee or brewed coffee to stay awake) and within moments the sweet baby who captured all of our hearts had returned, drifting into a deep peaceful sleep. I was so thankful that my angel monkey could sleep without being in pain (and thankful that my sister could get some much needed sleep) and so proud of my brother-in-law for using his engineering brain to alter Hudson’s crib. (My nephew is destined to be National Science Fair champion) Newborn babies clearly can’t talk so our pursuit to relieve Hudson’s pain and satisfy him lasted longer than any of us ever wanted to endure. In the past week, I have learned that my ability to speak hasn’t eliminated my pursuit to relieve my pain and find complete satisfaction in God. I have always known this but this past week has re-opened some past emotional scars, making it very difficult for me to be completely satisfied in Christ. Honestly, I have endured many sleepless nights of my own trying to understand God and understand His methods and rationale for my life. I have struggled to fully understand God’s methods and I have struggled to put a stop to Satan using my mind as his personal playground but I haven’t stopped trusting God. My own plan of drawing straws in order to find complete satisfaction in Christ wasn’t working and I knew it. My normal plan that consists of reading my bible, praying, and staying obedient to God regardless of my situation wasn’t working because Satan held the key to my satisfaction in his hands. I had surrendered my joy and peace to Satan as soon as my pain became too intense to handle on my own and I began envisioning my life through my eyes and not through the eyes of God. Like my brother-in-law, God knows how to alter the life of His child in order to relieve my pain and sleepless nights; I just have to stand firm in Him while He uses his Omni-present brain to fix my life. Trust me friends, it is much easier to say, “I will stand firm” than to actually stand firm. Setting our hearts and our minds to Christ alone requires work and extreme obedience and honestly there are times when I don’t have any desire to find the strength required to stand firm in Christ so I don’t. And when I don’t I feel an emptiness inside my soul. I feel empty because instead of drawing nearer to Christ during my time of brokenness; I am distancing myself from Him. The only thing worse than feeling unsatisfied in Christ is not feeling Him at all. If you listen to anything I have ever said during my late night babbles; listen to this. Removing Christ from your life or separating yourself from Him is never the answer. God never asks us to bear more than we are capable to bear and His plan for us is always to give us hope and to prosper us. God daily sits on His throne, waiting for us to say to Him, “ I have tried every remedy possible and I am still not satisfied so I am surrendering to you.” Have you turned to God for complete satisfaction? If you have chosen Him, do you trust Him completely? We can’t grow in Christ and we can’t be fully satisfied in Him if our level of trust always remains the same. We can’t be satisfied in Him if our lack of trust allows Satan to entertain our joy and peace while we lay awake at night trying to understand God. I know that I will never fully understand God but I also know that the only way I will ever remain fully satisfied in Him is to completely trust Him. I also know that as soon as I decide to take a day off from standing firm in Christ; I inflate Satan’s tricycle tires and give him the go ahead to use my brain as his personal playground. When I allow Satan to entertain my thoughts and desires not only does he succeed at diminishing my satisfaction in Christ but he succeeds at halting my growth in Christ. In both cases, God’s pursuit to remove my pain and completely satisfy me lasts longer than He wants.

It is almost 1:30 in the morning and Hudson is still sleeping soundly in his crib. I am prayerfully claiming that Ryan’s sleep time system for his son has stopped the pain from his reflux and satisfied him completely. As I swaddle myself up in my air mattress (I gave Grammy Gum the guest bedroom), I will prayerfully claim that my Heavenly Father’s methods for His daughter will stop my current pain and satisfy me completely.

Verse to remember: 1 Peter 1:3-9 ³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ⁴ and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, ⁵ who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. ⁶ In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷ These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. ⁸ Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, ⁹ for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.