An Elevator Ride in the Sky

I spent the entire summer soaking up every last ounce of freedom before adulthood officially began (I also managed to soak up quite a bit of sun) but this week I have forcefully allowed the responsibilities of adulthood to soak back into my life. As if getting up before 7:00 AM isn’t enough punishment in and of itself; I spend part of my days inside the Health Science Center (HSC). The HSC will always remind me of the three long years I am fortunate enough to call physical therapy school. Even though I am no longer a student; I still feel the same emotions each time I walk through the main entrance. I still remember all of the reasons why this specific building will always bring about bitter sweet memories. Some of these bitter sweet memories resurfaced today as I walked onto the elevator to go to the basement of the HSC. Usually, I would take the stairs but you can’t get to the basement from the stairs so I had no choice but to get on the most unreliable elevator I have ever stepped foot on. I was fully prepared for the creaks and bangs that accompany the ride between floors. I was fully prepared to think good thoughts when other people took the elevator down one floor opposed to taking the stairs. I was even fully prepared to get stuck on the elevator for the better part of my afternoon. But I was prepared to find humor in my elevator ride and I most definitely wasn’t prepared for God to speak to me in such a brief period of time. First, the humor. I was the only person to get on the elevator from the eighth floor. I pushed the button marked B for basement but the light was burnt out. (Did I mention that the HSC has stellar elevators) Being a veteran of these elevators, I knew it was a delicacy if you actually came across an elevator button that lit up. And being the one who pushed the button; I knew the basement was on the lists of stops. The three individuals who entered the elevator after me (each from different floors) did not know the button marked B had already been pushed. So like trained robots, one by one, they entered the elevator and pushed the B button. Then they pushed it again because their aggressive (and borderline obsessive) button pushing skills didn’t yield a glowing light.

Now, God’s voice. Of course, I told each button pusher that the light was burned out and I assured them that we would all make it to the basement like one giant elevator family. As I was giving my explanation, I wasn’t paying attention to my words; I was paying attention to His words. His words that kept asking me, “What if they saw the light?” I instantly knew He wasn’t talking about the unreliable elevator button light: He was talking about His light. He was reminding me that for the past two weeks, I have been leaving Him behind when I venture out in the world of adulthood. (Or when I venture out at all) For the past few weeks, I have been in a spiritual slump friends. I have made excuses for my obedience. I have cut corners in my quiet time with God. I have replaced my faith with fear. I have accepted complacency opposed to victory. I have hidden the light of God that lives inside of me by allowing myself to live like the world lives opposed to living like He lives. As followers of God, we are called to a higher standard. We are commanded to live so that others who do not know Him are drawn to Him by the Jesus that lives inside of us. I couldn’t possibly draw others to Jesus during the spiritual slump I was in because nothing about my actions represented Jesus. To onlookers, I was a worn and drained adult (I use the term adult loosely) trying my best to fulfill all of my Earthly roles. To Jesus, I was a lost sheep who was trying my best to find satisfaction in a dried out pasture. To me, I was a tiny, tiny glimmer of light that still represented Jesus. He doesn’t deserve the bare minimal we can give Him; He deserves our best friends. He deserves for us to wake up each morning, put on our full armor, and face the day full of Him. He has entrusted each of us to carry out His work every single day. He doesn’t want any of His children to perish so He will use every opportunity possible to reach out to one of His lost sheep. He uses us to be His light. He uses us to shine brighter than those who do not know Him as their personal savior. He uses us to draw in those who are desperate for the miracle of Jesus to forever change their lives. He uses us to complete His perfect plan so others can experience eternity with Him one day. Do you radiate Jesus? Are complete strangers drawn to you because they see the Jesus inside of you? Ask yourself the question, “What if they saw the light?” Could the light of Jesus inside of you make days be brighter? Could you be used to put an end to the spiritual slumps of other simply by allowing Christ to radiate from you daily? The answer is yes friends. When we choose to allow God’s light to shine through us; we change lives. We illuminate the one who desires for everyone’s elevator ride to end in Heaven.

Verse to remember: John 1:1-15

My Personal Water Purification System

My favorite radio station, KLOVE has spent 2 days being the voice for a water purification system. I usually get annoyed when the deejays fill my driving commutes with talking opposed to music but I found myself especially interested in this topic due to my recent trip overseas. KLOVE was teaming up with Compassion (a partner of World Vision) asking listeners to give a onetime gift that would supply clean water to an entire family in Rwanda for the rest of their lives. As I listened to the testimonies of families that had already received the purification system; I began to cry. I’m not sure if my tears came out of compassion or sorrow but I do know that between sniffles; I thought of testimonies from families who had captured my heart a short time ago.  I have never been to Rwanda but I have recently been to a poverty stricken third world country where the water was unsafe to drink. For eight days, everything I had grown accustomed to regarding water no longer existed.  I brushed my teeth with bottled water. I flushed my toilet using a bucket and a reservoir of water that was filled with parasites. I showered with extreme caution so I wouldn’t get unwanted water in my mouth or up my nose. (I also showered with socks to avoid plantar warts) After every hand washing, I applied an excessive amount of hand sanitizer. And for safe, clean drinking water, I had two options: the 10 gallon pump we kept in our van or bottled water from our hotel that was only available at meals. I pray that you don’t take this as my personal, “please feel sorry for me moment” because that is not my intention. In fact, I didn’t want to leave the Dominican Republic and I am already planning my return trip. I am only sharing these specific details of my trip to emphasize the struggles individuals in other countries face every day regarding clean drinking water.

When I walked in my front door after spending eight days overseas, I was exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. (I was on overdrive spiritually). My body was screaming at me to collapse into my clean sheets but my mind was saying, “A hot shower is exactly what you need. (There was absolutely NO way I wouldn’t have clean sheets on my bed) After a short deliberation, my longing for clean safe, water won out. I was willing to prolong exhaustion a wee bit longer if it meant I could wash my face in the shower and brush my teeth with water from the sink.  Exhaustion doesn’t exist only when we push ourselves to the limits; it exists anytime we deprive ourselves of the living water that comes from Jesus. Jesus is our only true form of strength and He is the only one who can sustain us when we are physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. We don’t need water purifiers to experience the restoration that flows from His throne; we just need to take the lids off of our heads and allow Him to fill us up.  When we are at the lowest most exhausting periods of our lives it is so easy to pretend that everything we know about His living water no longer exists. We rely on our depleting reservoir when He wants to refill us daily. That’s the beauty of Jesus friends. When we are exhausted and want to collapse into our beds for days; He is saying, “My love is exactly what you need.” His love that is constantly flowing from Heaven; His love that satisfies every thirst we could possibly have. Do you want a lifetime supply of His waters? Do you want to permanently put an end to your drought? Are you thirsty for Jesus? If you are, it requires a onetime gift: the gift of salvation. Once you ask Him into your heart; you have a lifetime supply of His living waters. He wants to fill you up friends regardless of your level of exhaustion. He wants to take away all of your previous struggles and replace them with your own personal testimony of how He purified your life.

I have a picture in my head of how Rwanda might look today: each family who received a purification system will be reminded of the endless flow of water given specifically to them every time they turn on a faucet. I have a picture in my head of how heaven might look someday: Each person who received God’s salvation will be reminded of His endless flow of living water, given specifically to them, each time we turned on His faucet. 

Verse to remember: John 4: 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Hide and Seek God

I usually spend my Wednesday nights molding the minds of the fantabulous teenagers in Revolutionary Youth (I know it’s scary that they consider me an adult leader) but I had the extreme honor of spending two Wednesday nights during July with the fantabulous children of my church. (I fit in much better with 7 year olds than 27 year olds) On Wednesday night, I told my tots one of my favorite childhood stories before we began a night of crafts, relay games and egg hunts. (that’s right the EC has egg hunts in July) I shared the following story mostly because it was appropriate for the lesson but it also proved to all of the adults present that I have been the same for over 20 years.  When I was four years old, I was playing a game of hide and seek with my older sister Brandy.  (Not only was she the queen of hiding places; she was the champion of any game at the Garcia household.) After losing many times, I opted to be a sore loser and quit. Sometime later my imagination met up with my competitive attitude and complete stubbornness and I came up with the idea to hide under my dining room table. I knew my sister would never find me under the table because the chair legs almost completely concealed my identity. In my four year old mind, my awesome hiding place trumped the fact that I wasn’t actually playing hide and seek with my sister. I knew eventually she would look for me and when she did; I would pop out and claim the best hiding place in the Garcia household. As I waited for Brandy to find me, I took a siesta. (I still covet an afternoon nap) Three hours later I woke up.  Just as I was about to crawl out from under the table; I heard my sister. She was having a discussion with my dad explaining to him that she still had not seen me. I retreated to the safety of my dining room hiding spot with an overwhelming feeling of victory. I had finally outsmarted Brandy and this game of hide and seek would go down in the record books at Furbee Avenue.

The game definitely went down in the record books because when Brandy was telling my dad, “I still haven’t seen her” she wasn’t referring to the game of hide and seek I was playing with myself. She was referring to her role in the search party that involved my entire neighborhood.  As I was lying safely under my table playing with my imaginary friends, my family and my neighbors were frantically searching for me. After spending an entire day under my dining room table, I surrendered my hiding spot simply because Brandy came into the dining room to get her coat and I assumed that she was getting to play outside after dark and I wasn’t. (I didn’t play outside for a long time after that) When I walked into my living room and my dad saw my safely standing there; he embraced me for a long time and then the punishment began. My dad’s initial reaction is the same reaction we receive from God when we finally crawl out of our hiding places and stand before Him. When we hide from God, we are playing hide and seek with ourselves because we can’t truly hide from God. Not only is He omnipresent but He loves us way to much to turn away from us at any point during our lives. We can create the best hiding places from the truths of our lives but as we hunker down and hide from everything we desperately wish would fade away; God is right there hunkering down beside us. As we try to hide from everything Satan is using to keep us from experiencing the life God desperately wants us to have; He is saying: “Where will you hide my child, where will you hide?  As soon as we go in to hiding, we start searching for Earthly gains to fill the void in our hearts that only God can fill. We start fighting the only One we can never truly hide from. God knows our hearts better than we could ever dream to know them friends. He created us and He planned each step we take to get to our record setting our hiding places. God doesn’t have a search party because He never leaves us alone in our hiding places. He loves us with an unfailing love even when we try to outsmart Him and outlast Him. We can’t outsmart or outlast God because His imagination and competitive attitude go into overdrive when one of His children goes into hiding. God is prepared to spend entire days or even years waiting for us to come out of hiding but we don’t have to wait friends. God is standing right there waiting to embrace you. What is causing you to hide from God? What shelter provides false comfort?  He wants to replace all of your favorite hiding places with all of Him. He wants you to find comfort in His shelter not the shelters of this world. He wants to rescue your heart, soul, and mind so you can rest safely in Him even if your favorite resting spot consists of curling up on His lap underneath your dining room table.

Verse to remember:  Jeremiah 23:23-24 ²³ “Am I only a God nearby,”  declares the LORD,
  “and not a God far away? ²⁴ Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?”
   declares the LORD. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the LORD.

My Yard is Always Open

It has recently been brought to my attention that I let people poop in my yard! While I can assure you that I most definitely don’t truly allow people to poop in my yard; I most certainly do have a problem with boundaries. The reference to keep your own yard clean came from a profound Christian author (and was brought to my attention by a profound Christian woman) who wrote a book about boundaries and how they should be applied to our Christian lives. I find great truth in this statement however, I don’t possibly have time to keep my yard clean because my time is spent making sure others don’t allow toxic waste to collect in their yards. I also find truth in knowing I could quite possibly have the dirtiest yard in the Eastern Time zone. I supported that truth when my clock went off at 6:30 this morning. I had agreed to babysit this morning simply because I didn’t have a single reason not to. I thought about calling an hour before I was scheduled to be there and use being tired as an excuse but I didn’t think it would go over well. As I was drinking coffee at an hour I hadn’t seen in months, I said “I will remember this the next time someone wants to use the bathroom in my yard.”  I remembered until I was at Wal-Mart looking for a specific bag of pretzels (and only a specific bag of pretzels) for my grandma and ran into an old family friend. Before I go any further, it is necessary to state that she addressed me as Aunt Jay and instantly commented on how adorable Hudson is. (keep telling yourself that as I continue my story) As we were talking, she asked if I would be available on Sunday August 7^th.  Instead of saying for what I opened up the gate to my yard and said, “I should be after 12:00.” And that my friends is how I landed a spot as a judge for an upcoming pageant. (At least I have 2 weeks to transform into a girl who likes high heels and glitter) She tried to make the commitment I had just made seem more appealing by saying I would get into the fair for free all week. Little did she know, I was already getting in free all week because I had committed to making cotton candy in the 100 degree heat earlier in the week.

Clearly, I have a problem with boundaries mostly because I rid the word from my vocabulary when it comes to giving myself away for others but I somehow lived a huge portion of my life setting up boundaries when it came to giving myself away for Jesus. I grasped the do unto others concept and the love your neighbor like yourself commandment when I was a teenager but I didn’t fully grasp the God is all you need truth until a few weeks ago.  I would be contraindicating (PT word) my faith if I didn’t believe and live out that truth daily but I would be lying if I said I didn’t live it out with my own personal boundaries involved. Until a little girl melted my heart in the Dominican Republic (when I stop making cotton candy and painting toenails at 10:00 am I will catch you up on all of my mission trip babbles), I was completely guilty of allowing boundaries to exist between God and I. My boundaries weren’t necessarily forms of bondage but they most definitely were allowing Satan a small hold on my life.  I was choosing to see my life through the eyes of a God can attitude opposed to a God will today attitude. I trusted God with the circumstances of my life but I didn’t actively claim victory each day. I lived out my faith knowing God was in control opposed to expecting Him to be in control moment by moment. I prayed in future tense opposed to saying God today will be the day you perform miracles. I was waiting to see God move in the big areas of my life opposed to the small areas of my life. The only thing wrong with seeing God this way is that in doing so we set up boundaries to how He can work in our lives. Or we put Him in a box. (My biggest boundary in Christ) If we allow boundaries to exist within our relationship with Christ we are ultimately limiting His awesomeness. We are keeping our yards full of junk when He wants to come in and clean it up daily. The truth is we can’t contain God. We can’t build boundaries strong enough or tall enough to keep Him from loving us and seeking after us. Unfortunately, we can’t stop Satan from attacking us either…He is a ruthless lawn dumper. What boundaries exist between you and God? Have you put up walls within your faith because you have a God can opposed to a God will attitude? When we allow ourselves to set up boundaries in Christ; Satan is delightfully happy because we have trained ourselves to dirty our own yards. We have trained ourselves to expect or to be content with less of God. Open up the fence to your heart today friends. Tell God how much you need Him and how much you love Him and most importantly ask Him what boundaries in your life are keeping you from all that He has for you.

I can’t promise you that I will one day set boundaries in order to keep others from making my lawn a public dump site but I can promise you that I will daily dump the garbage Satan tries to use for boundaries in my relationship with God back in his yard. Hopefully, that will make my favorite profound Christian woman proud. (If not, I will remind her that at least I keep my room clean…I’m still working on keeping it “tidy”.)

Verse to remember:  Psalm 89

Home Made Videos

Yesterday afternoon my brother-in-law Ryan sent me a video of my nephew rolling over during tummy time. I knew that Hudson had already rolled over at 3 weeks (he has my blood in him…did you honestly expect anything less) but since I live in a different time zone I hadn’t witnessed his amazing skills yet.  When I opened the video I instantly cried because I heard his sweet little whimpers and my heart ached for him. (And now that I have watched the video close to twenty times I know exactly when his whimpers and coos are the cutest) After I composed myself, I was able to take in the entirety of my first I phone home video of my nephew.  I know I am completely in love and completely biased but I am also a semi educated physical therapist and I know that his motor skills are advanced. I am not sure if it was love or pure amazement that led to me repetitively watching my nephew roll from his stomach to his back but as I was watching it for the third time my emotions turned from my nephew to my brother-in-law. (I wouldn’t be the best aunt in the world if I noticed daddy first) My emotions still consisted of love and amazement but this time I added an abundance of tears to the mix. My tears came as I listened to the encouragement and joy in Ryan’s voice as he coached his son, step by step, through the rolling process. As he videotaped a small event in his son’s young life; he was filled with such pride, happiness, and an overwhelming appreciation for what was occurring at the other end of the video camera. I can’t speak for everyone else who watched the video clip (or for Hudson’s parents who get to watch tummy time live) but I can speak for the most blessed aunt and sister in law in world. And to me, each time I watch the video I fall more and more in love with knowing this video is just the beginning of the amazement that will exist within my family. (and the beginning of my tears)

I don’t have a collection of developmental milestone videos in heaven but I am convinced that I have a collection of “rat wheel” videos in heaven.  I call them rat wheel videos because there is absolutely no way God doesn’t entertain heaven when I choose to run around in pointless circles opposed to running straight to Him. I run around in circles because I forget that God is completely in love and completely biased to His daughter. Because He loves me and because He is my biggest fan; He is on the other end of the video camera encouraging me to keep fighting and to keep trusting Him. He is giving me the instructions, strength, and encouragement I need to complete each step of my journey in Him. And when I am tired or become comfortable half way through a milestone in Christ; He won’t let me quit. He zooms in so He can see the struggle in my face and He says, “Look this way Jay its daddy.”  I may not always be able to see where I am going and I may lack the ability to grasp the significance of my developmental milestone in Christ but I can always hear the pride, happiness, and appreciation at the other end of the video camera.  When I hear my daddy’s voice everything else fades away. I forget that the world is telling me to quit and accept defeat. I forget my desires to step back into the rat wheel. I forget the comfort of my previous milestones. I forget the negative emotions involved during the hardest and most trying times of lives. I forget what it feels likes to face life without the support, strength, and comfort of my Daddy.  Jesus is the best life coach because not only has He already completed the milestones that we face as Christians but he completed them while living a perfect life. He faced every temptation, every trial, every emotion, and every possible rat wheel situation that we face today and His Daddy cheered Him on step by step all the way to the cross. And I can’t speak for everyone who knows the significance of the cross but I can speak for the most thankful child of God in the world. And to me, when He hung there He knew that His death was just the beginning of the amazement that would exist within His family.  We are all His family friends and He loves us so much. He is the most proud Father in the entire world despite what your home videos may look like. He doesn’t care at what age you take your first step in Him; He only desires for you to keep walking with Him when your legs become tired and your feet are worn. Are you walking with Jesus today? Do you feel the encouragement from your Daddy daily? Don’t wait another day friends. Roll over and focus on your Father’s step by step instructions  for whatever you are going through.  And when you are lying on your back cooing and pumping your legs indicating another successful milestone completed; your Daddy will say: “That’s my baby girl (or boy)” and you will have an abundance of tears in your eyes as you hear the pride and love in His voice.

Verse to remember:  Job 23: 10-12 ¹⁰ But he knows the way that I take;  when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. ¹¹ My feet have closely followed his steps; I have kept to his way without turning aside. ¹² I have not departed from the commands of his lips;   I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread.

Maple Syrup Messes

Since I have been a wee bit negligent with my blogging for the past month (there will be gifts of bribery for forgiveness to my faithful readers) I found it appropriate and necessary to include my grandma in my first blog back from hibernation. During my blogging hibernation, I spent an entire week in the Dominican Republic on a mission trip and was unable to talk to my grandma the entire time I was gone. Our lack of communication meant two things: One, we had set a new record for time elapsed since talking to each other and two, she had an entire week to make decisions without my voice of reason stopping her. I felt semi-confident that she hadn’t ordered numerous items from the home shopping network or given my phone number to the UPS delivery man while I was gone (both occurred while I was in Texas a month ago) but I knew the truth of her week long  vacation would surface on Sunday afternoon during our visit. And as predicted she slowly revealed the details of her week as we enjoyed our first slumber party of the summer. I knew I was in for a long night when she started a conversation with, “I have to tell you what I did.” As I prepared for my late night entertainment, she began telling me her cigarette dilemma that occurred while I was out of the country. One day she woke up and was dizzy and weak because her oxygen machine needed some new gadget so instead of driving to Smoker Friendly for her cigarettes; she called them to see if they could deliver them to her. My thought process of, “At what point did buying Misty Lights when you were dizzy and weak seem like a good idea” was interrupted by her telling me that Smoker Friendly actually brought her cigarettes! My next thought process was, “only my grandma could be the culprit of such a story” and again I was interrupted by her. This time she was ever so kindly telling me the story of how she melted the bottom of a maple syrup bottle on the stove as she was making pancakes. And my response was, “By any chance did the delivery man from Smoker Friendly clean up the syrup.”

My grandma’s week long vacation (she never really listens to my voice of reason but it helps when I am in the same time zone) left me scrubbing maple syrup off the kitchen floor and kitchen cabinets, while inhaling the sweet aroma of Misty Lights. And although I was very close to angry thoughts a few times (day old syrup is extremely difficult to remove), I was thankful that my grandma’s adventures could be cleaned up in one night. As I was going to bed on Sunday night, it occurred to me that almost one year ago, I too took a weeklong vacation. But unlike my grandma, my vacation didn’t begin with freedom; it began with a desperate plea to find freedom. Every single one of my thought processes ended in some form of bondage to sin and left me needing a voice of reason. Unfortunately, I had managed to tune out every voice of reason in my life except one. And even then when I listened I still tried to find happiness and satisfaction in my own maple syrup mess. Two days into my vacation with the Lord; I finally allowed the voice of the Holy Spirit to overtake my voice of reason. And His voice was saying, “You don’t have to do this on your own anymore.” His voice was saying, “I am the only answer to your maple syrup mess.” And my voice was saying. “You are all I need Lord.” In that moment, my thought process began and ended in Him alone and in my surrender began my rebuilding. A rebuilding that only occurred because of God’s grace; a rebuilding that still requires daily surrender to my personal thought process.  I wish I could tell you that experiencing freedom in Christ is a onetime decision but I can’t. But I can tell you that experiencing freedom in Christ can be a lifetime decision. A decision that will change your life by allowing you to experience the abundant spirit filled life God has planned for you.   If you want to experience that freedom today align your thoughts and desires with Gods. Take a stand and tell Satan that you absolutely refuse to give him one ounce of your heart, mind, or soul. Ask yourself at what point did removing God from your life seem like a good idea? And after have commanded Satan to flee and died to the desires of your flesh; listen. Listen for His voice and I promise you will hear Him saying, “There isn’t a maple syrup mess that I can’t clean up.”

In one year, His grace has given me many of my own stories to share. Each one of my stories may trigger some form of thought process inside your head that has you thinking, “Only Jay Garcia could be the culprit of such a story.” My prayer and desire is that at some point in your thought process, God interrupts you and says, “ By any chance do you see Me in her redemption story?” If the answer is yes, I haven’t been negligent to my eternal hibernation.

Verse to remember: 2 Corinthians 10: 4-5 ⁴ The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

A Baby Changes Everything

On Thursday, Hudson turned a week old and had his very first visit to the pediatrician. I opted to stay at home so I could do some laundry and clean the house while everyone was gone and so we wouldn’t look like the crazy obsessive family who brings nine people to a newborn’s first office visit. (Not that the list of twenty three questions we accumulated in a week made us look any less obsessive.)  In two hours, I was able to minimize the damage that had occurred to Gum household since the arrival of Mr. Hudson Gum and I was able to minimize the work for the maid who was coming later that afternoon. Had I known she was going to wrap my cord tightly around my flat iron; I would have planned my morning differently. (I am still recovering from the emotional trauma of my wrapped flat iron cord) Shortly after the maid arrived; my family returned and my sister confirmed what I already knew to be true: Hudson was a perfect baby who captured the hearts of his pediatrician. She also confirmed that I will be leaving Houston ten pounds heavier than I weighed when I arrived by announcing that she brought home a dozen cupcakes from Crave. She initially bought the cupcakes to celebrate my birthday for a second time because the first round of cupcakes dried out due to the neglect they received when Hudson was born. But since I am clearly the world’s greatest aunt; I turned my 27 year old birthday cupcakes into Hudson’s 1 week old birthday cupcakes. Don’t worry, I know I am hooked, wrapped, over the top, and completely in love with my nephew and I’m completely aware that for the rest of my life I will have to refrain myself from spoiling him to much. And I also know that I am going to have to refrain myself from moving to Texas because our morning snuggle time and the smell of his baby magic lotion have spoiled me too much the past 10 days.

For my entire life, I have heard the saying: “A baby changes everything” and I wish I could meet the person responsible for starting the saying because they are exactly right. Of course, a baby changes your sleep schedule, the organization of your home, and your physical appearance. ( I now take my showers mid afternoon and am most awake at 3:00 AM) But a baby also changes the way you view life. I am not talking about the instant change in behaviors and mindsets of parental instincts (or in my case Aunt instincts); I am talking about changes in behaviors and mindsets of our spiritual instincts. When you hold a newborn baby in your arms and soak in the delicate intricateness of their tiny being; you view God in an entirely different way. It is almost like for the first time in your life, you see the world through His eyes and truly grasp that only God could create something so perfect. He did create every one of us friends and although He provided every delicate detail to our physical bodies; He didn’t create us to change anything. But He did create us with a need to love and serve the Baby who changed everything. The only way we can elicit change within ourselves is to live for Jesus. We don’t have the power to change anything of worth on our own. Of course, we can change our careers, our fashion senses, our dreams, and even our daily routines but we can’t change the way we view life if our change exists apart from Jesus.  Life isn’t about viewing the external change through our eyes; it is about viewing the internal change through Gods eyes. God examines our hearts and He is looking for only one thing: To see if His baby is inside of our hearts. Once we accept Jesus into our hearts; He changes everything so we reflect His image and are radiant with His light. It is only through our transformation in Christ that we are able to make a true change within ourselves and ultimately a change in the lives of others. God’s desire for us is to bear fruit through our transformation in Him and the fruit we bear is what ultimately changes other’s lives; it is ultimately what draws others in so they open up their hearts to receive Jesus as their personal Savior. We have the power to wrap so many people around God’s finger and we have the abilities to change everything. Will you allow yourself to grow in Christ so you can change everything? Will you change your views from the external fruit we bear to the internal fruit we bear? Will you allow Jesus to be the ultimate baby who permanently changes your life?

Hudson has changed my life in so many ways in just ten days. For the first time in my life, I want to bear my own children so I can experience the joys of being a mommy. Regardless of whether or not I ever bear a child of my own; I will bear the fruit of my Father. I will exist to change others lives by allowing my Father to change me first. I will live my entire life to hear Him say, “ Having you changed everything” just so I can respond with, “No, having Jesus in my heart changed everything.”

Verse to remember: Matthew 7:15-21  ¹⁵ “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. ¹⁶ By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? ¹⁷ Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸ A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. ¹⁹ Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰ Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.  ²¹ “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.

Swaddled to Satisfaction

For all of my A-list readers, you know that I always choose to write about some random daily encounter or daily thought that triggers an idea about the most important relationship of my life: my relationship with Jesus. And for the next 8 days ya’ll (I have picked up a little Texas slang) will be hearing about my newest relationship: my relationship with my nephew Hudson. I’ll be writing about him because I literally spend my entire day with him (If you could smell his skin and see his face, you would spend all day with him too) so he consumes most of my daily thoughts and encounters. And last night for the first time in his five short days on this Earth; our encounters weren’t very pleasant. In fact, if he didn’t steal my heart in his rubber ducky footed onesie, his three hour screaming fest may have pushed me over the sanity cliff. My poor little angel monkey(Hudson has many names from Aunt Jay because every other word out of my mouth is some form of baby babble) has acid reflux and every time (no exaggeration, ever time) we put him in his pack and play; he wailed out in pain. We tried to swaddle him, we tried gas relief medicine, we tried a sound machine, we tried different sleeping positions, and we tried rocking him but his little tender tummy won out every time. The only time he would be completely satisfied was if someone would hold him. During the day, I draw straws with grammy and wait for mommy to take a nap so I can have snuggle time but my competitive nature wasn’t as competitive at two AM. His mommy and daddy endured most of the sleep deprivation and helplessness of watching him be in pain but as I laid awake in my bed; I prayed so much that his reflux would go away and he would find satisfaction in one of his parent’s many attempts to relief his pain.

It took my brother-in-law Ryan, a few hours of sleep and some persistent observation of his son to develop a new sleeping plan. He elevated his crib mattress with a towel roll, used a new swaddle blanket, turned on the sound machine monkey, and placed wedges beside him in his crib. We all held our breath as Ryan placed Hudson in his crib, (I prayed and debated whether I wanted iced coffee or brewed coffee to stay awake) and within moments the sweet baby who captured all of our hearts had returned, drifting into a deep peaceful sleep. I was so thankful that my angel monkey could sleep without being in pain (and thankful that my sister could get some much needed sleep) and so proud of my brother-in-law for using his engineering brain to alter Hudson’s crib. (My nephew is destined to be National Science Fair champion) Newborn babies clearly can’t talk so our pursuit to relieve Hudson’s pain and satisfy him lasted longer than any of us ever wanted to endure. In the past week, I have learned that my ability to speak hasn’t eliminated my pursuit to relieve my pain and find complete satisfaction in God. I have always known this but this past week has re-opened some past emotional scars, making it very difficult for me to be completely satisfied in Christ. Honestly, I have endured many sleepless nights of my own trying to understand God and understand His methods and rationale for my life. I have struggled to fully understand God’s methods and I have struggled to put a stop to Satan using my mind as his personal playground but I haven’t stopped trusting God. My own plan of drawing straws in order to find complete satisfaction in Christ wasn’t working and I knew it. My normal plan that consists of reading my bible, praying, and staying obedient to God regardless of my situation wasn’t working because Satan held the key to my satisfaction in his hands. I had surrendered my joy and peace to Satan as soon as my pain became too intense to handle on my own and I began envisioning my life through my eyes and not through the eyes of God. Like my brother-in-law, God knows how to alter the life of His child in order to relieve my pain and sleepless nights; I just have to stand firm in Him while He uses his Omni-present brain to fix my life. Trust me friends, it is much easier to say, “I will stand firm” than to actually stand firm. Setting our hearts and our minds to Christ alone requires work and extreme obedience and honestly there are times when I don’t have any desire to find the strength required to stand firm in Christ so I don’t. And when I don’t I feel an emptiness inside my soul. I feel empty because instead of drawing nearer to Christ during my time of brokenness; I am distancing myself from Him. The only thing worse than feeling unsatisfied in Christ is not feeling Him at all. If you listen to anything I have ever said during my late night babbles; listen to this. Removing Christ from your life or separating yourself from Him is never the answer. God never asks us to bear more than we are capable to bear and His plan for us is always to give us hope and to prosper us. God daily sits on His throne, waiting for us to say to Him, “ I have tried every remedy possible and I am still not satisfied so I am surrendering to you.” Have you turned to God for complete satisfaction? If you have chosen Him, do you trust Him completely? We can’t grow in Christ and we can’t be fully satisfied in Him if our level of trust always remains the same. We can’t be satisfied in Him if our lack of trust allows Satan to entertain our joy and peace while we lay awake at night trying to understand God. I know that I will never fully understand God but I also know that the only way I will ever remain fully satisfied in Him is to completely trust Him. I also know that as soon as I decide to take a day off from standing firm in Christ; I inflate Satan’s tricycle tires and give him the go ahead to use my brain as his personal playground. When I allow Satan to entertain my thoughts and desires not only does he succeed at diminishing my satisfaction in Christ but he succeeds at halting my growth in Christ. In both cases, God’s pursuit to remove my pain and completely satisfy me lasts longer than He wants.

It is almost 1:30 in the morning and Hudson is still sleeping soundly in his crib. I am prayerfully claiming that Ryan’s sleep time system for his son has stopped the pain from his reflux and satisfied him completely. As I swaddle myself up in my air mattress (I gave Grammy Gum the guest bedroom), I will prayerfully claim that my Heavenly Father’s methods for His daughter will stop my current pain and satisfy me completely.

Verse to remember: 1 Peter 1:3-9 ³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ⁴ and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, ⁵ who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. ⁶ In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷ These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. ⁸ Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, ⁹ for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

It Was Love At First Sight

Three days ago, I was blessed to have the once in a lifetime experience of watching my first nephew’s birth. The moment I saw him enter this world; my life changed forever. It was definitely love at first sight. (We kissed on the first date) I fell in love with his tiny feet, his perfect nose, and his long arms with the fingers that wrapped Aunt Jay instantly. My love for my little snuggle monkey expanded to a level I didn’t know existed when I held him for the first time. As tears stained my cheeks, I looked at his peaceful face, felt the warmth of his skin, and watched his chest rise rhythmically with mine. Time stood still and all I could do was cry and thank God for creating the most perfect baby in the entire world. (Of course, I am partial but he is the cutest baby I have EVER seen) I could have stood in the delivery room for a lifetime just staring at him and kissing his head but the nurses at the Woman’s hospital of Texas (and mommy) made me give him back so he could get the proper “welcome to the world” examination. Fortunately, I was still love struck when I handed him back to my sister and didn’t put up much of a fight. And fortunately, Hudson loves his aunt Jay just as much as I love him and prefers to snuggle on my chest when mommy and daddy sleep. I am not rejoicing in the fact that my sister and brother-in-law have a lot of adjusting to do to their previous schedules(I fixed them breakfast at noon today and last night I was grilling chicken at 9:00) but I am secretly rejoicing in the fact that I benefit from their newly crazy schedules. And my benefits get better with each snuggle time and forehead kiss.

The love I have in my heart for my nephew is unlike any emotion I have ever experienced. I sit by my sister when she breastfeeds him just to watch him and I offer to change every diaper just so I can kiss his feet. I truly don’t know how I ever lived without him and more importantly I don’t know how I am going to fly back to West Virginia without him. (Maybe I can sneak him on the plane with me) In just three days, I have changed everything from my sleeping schedule to my burping techniques because of my love for one special little boy. Can you imagine the love God had for us when he created His special little boy? Can you imagine giving up cuddle times, the smell of baby lotions, and tiny fingers that grasp your face to people who would ultimately crucify your son? I personally can’t. I would cut off my arms with a dull butter knife in order to protect Hudson and I would give anything to bottle him up and keep him forever. And he is my nephew not my son. But God gave up His son so I could have as much snuggle time with Hudson as I could stand. He gave up His son so my life would be forever changed. When God created me in my mother’s womb; it was love at first sight. Of course, He fell in love with my ugly feet, my dark eyes, and my dimple but I hope He fell in love with my heart; my heart that has been changed because of His son. Jesus has changed my heart in a million ways but no matter how in love with Him I become; I still go back to the first moment I held Him in my heart. I go back to the moment of my salvation. It was the first time God’s sacrifice became real to me. It was the first time I was love struck by Jesus. I couldn’t possibly change my heart without Jesus and neither can you friends. You may never have the joy of holding a newborn baby against your chest and falling in love instantly but you can have the experience of holding Jesus in your heart and falling in love instantly. My heart belongs to Jesus and some days that thought alone gets me out of bed to face another day. My heart belongs to Jesus and some days I hope that thought alone takes away God’s pain of giving up His son to be crucified. God created us to love His son; He created us to know the benefits of His special little boy. Do you have a personal relationship with His son? Do you have your own love struck moment with Jesus? Don’t wait friends. God loves us just as much as He loved Jesus and He wants to kiss your forehead and feel your tiny hands grasp His face. He wants to protect you, bottle you up, and keep you forever.

Every morning when I hold Hudson and look into his eyes, my heart melts and I cry. I imagine summer camp outs (as long as there aren’t bats and spiders), zoo trips, and ice cream outings with my snuggle monkey. Then the thoughts in my mind vanish and his perfectness draws me in and I fall in love all over again. Every morning when I allow Jesus to hold me, my heart melts and I cry. I imagine my career, the next decade of my life, and my hurts (and the negative effects of my ice cream addiction).  Then the thoughts of my mind vanish and His perfectness draws me in and I fall in love all over again, changing my heart a little more to reflect the most special little boy God ever created.

Verse to remember: Psalm 36: 7-8 ⁷ How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
   People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. ⁸ They feast on the abundance of your house;  you give them drink from your river of delights.

Hudson, You were worth the wait

My day started at 7:30 AM when I heard my brother-in-law talking. I listened for awhile to make sure my sister wasn’t in labor and just as I was almost certain everything was ok (and thankful to go back to sleep) my sister came into my room and said, “We are going to the doctor in an hour, I think I am having contractions.” Brandy seemed very calm and very relaxed so I got out of bed and headed to the kitchen to start the coffee pot. As I was watching the coffee pot finish brewing; my sister grabbed her kitchen counter and endured another contraction. This time, she didn’t look as calm and relaxed as she had moments before. I timed her contractions and realized not only did I not have time for coffee; I didn’t have time to shower (or fix my bed head that resembled Elvis’s hair).  Hudson was making his entrance into the world today and all of my energy and time shifted from me to my sister and my nephew. When we arrived at the OBGYN’s office, he did a quick exam, told my sister she was dilated to a 4, and sent us to the hospital. (I would like to take this time to brag about my sister who endured 4 hours of contractions and 3 centimeters of dilation before waking up Ryan and I.) Once at the hospital, my sister received her epidural and the waiting game began. As we were waiting for my nephew to make his grand entrance, Ryan and I watched a movie and Brandy slept as much as she could between nurses checking on her and her contractions. (I definitely had the better end of the deal) Five hours after receiving her epidural my sister gave birth to Hudson Ross Gum; the most perfect snuggle bear God ever created.

The five hours I spent waiting at the hospital for my nephew to arrive went by very quickly (Partly because we were in a labor suite and partly because I was beyond ecstatic to meet Hudson.) and when it was go time; Aunt Jay was ready to help coach mommy thru her delivery. I can honestly say I would have waited 300 years to meet Hudson because he is that perfect. (I can also honestly say I will never be able to leave him in 2 weeks) But could I, or could you, honestly say we would wait 300 years for God? When God’s plan for our lives requires us to wait on Him, how do we respond? When I have to wait for God to reveal Himself to me in a way that allows me to feel His presence; I don’t always wait patiently. In fact, it took me many years to even wait at all. Waiting on God to move in our lives requires us to have a genuinely strong relationship with Him. And that relationship requires a lot of work. If I wasn’t completely in love with God, I can assure you I wouldn’t wait for Him to make the desires of my heart realities to me. Because I love Him so much, I don’t spend my days focused on what I am waiting for or what I need from Him; I spend my days worshiping Him and serving Him while I wait. And the best part is, the more I fall in love with Him; the less I crave my needs and wants. I crave Jesus friends and my cravings for Him minimize my own personal waiting game. Loving and serving God doesn’t make Him change His mind about my journey in Him; it changes my mind about my journey in Him. It opens up my eyes and allows me to see that God remains the same despite my circumstances. And because He is the same, I will love, worship, and adore Him the same everyday.  I don’t wake up each day and see defeat and pain from the impossibilities in my life. I wake up each day and see the only one who can turn my defeats and pains into His glory. God’s timing and Jay Garcia’s timing aren’t always the same (usually I’m off by A LOT) but when the wait is finally over; this 27 year old snuggle bug can honestly say God is the beyond perfect and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

My sister endured 9 months of pregnancy and perhaps the smoothest delivery in the state of Texas (after her hormones regulate; I’ll tell her I have it all on video) and when her son was placed on her chest; the world around her stopped and nothing else mattered in that moment. Each and everyone of us will endure our predetermined time on this Earth and it most definitely won’t always be smooth. But when God’s son places in hand in ours and leads us to our Father; the world around us will disappear and in that moment nothing else will matter; not even the wait we endured to get there. 

My wait has been longer than nine months but my heart will be just as happy when I finally meet my unborn niece/nephew when I get to heaven. Aunt Jay loves you so much Baby Bray...you are my angel snuggle bear.

Verse to remember: Psalm 33: 20-22 We wait in hope for the LORD;  he is our help and our shield. ²¹ In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. ²² May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you.