I Give Myself Away

My motto for 2011 can be described in one word: more. I want more of Jesus, end of story. No short cuts, no exceptions, no loop holes: just more of Him. I have prayed to be used more and been obedient to the Holy Spirit. I have humbly given more of myself and been rewarded in ways I have never imagined. I have claimed more miracles for my church, my family, and my friends and thanked God for His faithfulness. I have planted more seeds to those in my life who don’t know Jesus as their personal savior and watched as God worked in the lives of those who received the seed of salvation.  And for the first nine days; I have experienced more of Jesus than ever before simply by seeking more of Him.  Today, as I was relating my Pastor’s sermon to my personal promises to Jesus for 2011; I knew that I had finally given myself away for His purpose. I was no longer holding onto parts of my life for personal gain. I had finally denied myself, taken up my cross and sought the kingdom of Heaven above everything. The peace and satisfaction of knowing my life is in Jesus’s hands brought me to tears. Tears of the purest joy I had ever known.  As I was worshiping my Jesus and pledging myself to Him forever; he reminded me of my motto for 2011. He was whispering my word to me: “more my child, I want to give you more.” And for a moment I knew that 2011 was going to be my year for more. But that wasn’t the more Jesus was whispering about. He had more for me. No short cuts, no strings attached, no loop holes: just more of Him.

I would be crazy to ignore His invitation to give me more; so I prayed (and cried) harder. I asked Him how I could give more, how I could be used more, how I could do anything that gave Him more glory and honor. And his answer still fills my eyes with tears. He wanted to take more from me. Unlike before, He didn’t want to wash away my sins (my heart desires a life according to His will); He wanted to wash away my hurt. I knew instantly what hurt He was talking about. A hurt I had given to Him many times. A hurt that pierced my soul and within the last week had resurfaced on different occasions.  Twice in my life, I have experienced hurt so suffocating that I lost everything about who I was. I lost all hope and felt lifeless. For years, I struggled with this hurt and then one night alone in my bedroom; I overcame my hurt because I gave it to Jesus and allowed Him to heal my wounds. I cried for hours and with each tear the hurt from a night of violation and the hurt from years of neglect and rejection from my mother began to disappear. I buried my hurt in Jesus that night and I have never taken it back. (And I have no intention of ever taking it back…EVER) Instead of being confused by His wish to remove my hurt; I trusted His wish to wash away my hurt. And because no one knows me like Jesus; I listened to Him. During our talk; He pried open a part of my life I don’t like to revisit often. He was prying it open in order for me to give myself away through my pain. Although I had given my pain away years ago and I have pledged my life into His hands; I wasn’t allowing Him to be seen through me in these areas of my life. I wasn’t allowing His light to shine through me because every time I revisited these dark areas of my past; I expected more hurt instead of more of Him. But today in my aisle at church, Jesus borrowed my motto for 2011 and gave me more of Him than my heart could stand. He replaced the most hurtful areas of my past with more of Him. Because I gave myself away; He gave me so much MORE.

Have you given yourself to Jesus? Have you let Him complete you with His touch? Have you put your life in His hands? If you haven’t; He is waiting to make your new life motto: more.  More of Him than you could ever imagine. No shortcuts, no strings attached, no loop holes: just more of Him.

Verse to remember: Mark 8: 34-35 Then he called to the crowd to him along with His disciples and said, “if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35 For whoever wants to save his life, will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.”