Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Habits of the Heart

In the past 5 months, I have shared with you bits and pieces of my heart and life and today it occurred to me that despite my (almost) daily stories; I haven’t shared with you my strange habits, making me seem more normal than I really am. I thought about my strange habits as I was brushing my teeth this morning. I have an issue with sticking a dry toothbrush in my mouth so I wet my toothbrush before I apply the toothpaste. But that isn’t good enough for me; I have to re-wet my toothbrush after applying toothpaste. (Most mornings, my second application of water flushes my toothpaste right down the drain) To me this isn’t a strange habit because I have done it thousands of times in my life but I realize that most individuals don’t have a tooth brush problem. My toothbrush situation is mild compared to my next habit. It’s not really a habit but a way of thinking that occurs every time I presume I am getting sick. When I start to feel the symptoms of a cold, the flu, a sore throat, or sinus infection: I convince myself that I have white patches in the back of my throat. To me the white patches are a sign of infection and the first sign of a sickness forming in my body. Before I go on it is essential to say that I have seen the white patches many times. But for some reason, I am the only one that sees them. I have asked my friends and family members (until now only a few select people knew about my weirdness) if they could see the white patches and they always laugh and call me crazy. Even a doctor once told me that there is no such thing as white patches. But to me they exist.  And today as I was driving, my throat started to feel scratchy. So as soon as I got to a stop light, I flipped down my visor, opened my mouth and began looking for white patches. If they were there; I would exchange my afternoon coffee for juice filled with vitamin C and try sleeping for more than 6 hours tonight.  But there wasn’t a single white patch. When the car behind me honked to make me aware that the light was now green; I realized why my throat was scratchy. Yesterday afternoon as I was indulging in my first raspberry latte of 2011 (there will be many more thanks to Starbucks gift cards as Christmas gifts); I got something stuck in my throat. (Possibly an unground espresso bean) The aftermath of my mild chocking incident yesterday meant two things: no sickness (or white patches) and another afternoon coffee. (Thanks BLT-V for the invite)
When I see the white patches, sickness follows 100% of the time. So I will continue to believe in them even when everyone else thinks they are just another one of my exaggerated phenomenons.  My white patches personally mean something to me just like my relationship with Christ means something personal to me. When the Holy Spirit leads me to do something; I don’t care how strange it seems to others; I will do it. Everyone else around me may think I am making things up or adding to my list of strange habits but I know what Christ represents to me. I know that when I see/feel His presence and obey Him; the fruit of His Spirit follows 100% of the time.  God manifests himself in me like symptoms of a cold manifest in me. He begins to stir up my spirit and reveals His self to me in ways only I understand. When I listen to Him; he prepares the perfect remedy for me. Sometimes I am the one who needs remedied in Christ and sometimes it’s someone else in my life. Sometimes the cure is immediate and sometimes the cure requires us to ride out the storm. Is Christ a strange habit to you? When He reveals Himself to you, is your personal relationship with Him strong enough to see the beginning signs of His work in you?
When my old roommate (now a physician) would look in my throat and tell me that there weren’t white patches; I would sometimes listen. (My eyes could see the white patches better than her thousand dollar pieces of equipment) And they next day when I woke up completely symptomatic I would say, “Why did I listen to her?”  When the Holy Spirit looks into my heart and speaks to me sometimes I want to say, “Why would I listen to that?” I know if I ignore the presence of God, I will wake up the next day completely symptomatic. And the symptoms of believing that the Holy Spirit doesn’t exist are far worse that believing the white patches don’t exist.  Fortunately for me, I believe in both and will never doubt the manifestation of either.

Verse to remember:  Galatians 2:20-21 20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21 I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing.

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